[shipping forecast] on radio 4 this evening

If you're not a Brit, it's difficult to explain the hypnotic, reassuring comfort, in the wee hours, of the shipping forecast. Oh how I want to hear it again.

Picture this - you're ready for the next week, you've bathed, you've packed, you're in bed as snug as a bug in a rug with the bedside lamp on, the pips go for midnight and then the news and a light discussion programme.

By 00:45, your light might be out and you listen, drowsily, as church bells start to peal and then, at just before 00:48 comes some stately sailing music, then, in a dignified, clear voice, speaking at near dictation speed [speak it out to yourself as you read and you'll see what I mean], something similar to this earlier forecast from today is given:

And now the Shipping Forecast issued by the Met Office, on behalf of the Maritime and Coastguard Agency, at 1725 on Sunday 09 December 2007.

There are warnings of gales in Forties Cromarty Forth Tyne Dogger Thames Dover Wight Portland Plymouth Biscay Fitzroy Sole Lundy Fastnet Irish Sea Shannon Rockall and Malin.

The general synopsis at midday:

Low Forties 976 losing its identity. Low southern england 975 expected northern germany 996 by midday tomorrow. Atlantic high moving slowly northeast, expected south Fitzroy 1032 by same time.

The area forecasts for the north-east in the next 24 hours:

Forties:

Cyclonic 7 to severe gale 9 becoming northerly 5 to 7. Rough or very rough, occasionally high at first. Rain or showers. Moderate or good.

Cromarty Forth Tyne:

Northeast 7 to severe gale 9 backing northwest 5 to 7. Rough or very rough, occasionally high at first. Rain or showers. Moderate or good.

Dogger:

Cyclonic 3 or 4 becoming northerly 5 to 7, occasionally gale 8. moderate increasing rough or very rough. Rain or showers. moderate or good.

Fisher German Bight Humber:

Cyclonic becoming northerly 5 to 7, perhaps gale 8 in Humber later. moderate or rough, occasionally very rough. Rain or showers. moderate or good.

That concludes the area forecast for the north-east at 1725 on Sunday 09 December 2007.

Understand that there are another dozen or so areas also given. The hypnotic part is the repetitive nature of the area forecasts, always in the same order, always with the same BBC intonation.

Lying there in bed, your house around you, it's a great comfort to know that whatever might be the trouble in the political and economic world out there, the BBC still continues to give the shipping forecast, come what may.

[illegal immigrant] paddington to be arrested

[Head shakes]:

Paddington Bear will be arrested by police and interrogated over his immigration status in a book marking his 50th birthday.

In the book, to be published next June on the anniversary of his debut in A Bear Called Paddington, the stowaway from Peru will be interviewed about his right to remain in England.

After being arrested, Paddington has no papers proving his identity, because his Aunt Lucy had arranged for him to hide on a ship's lifeboat from Peru after she went to live in a home for retired bears in Lima.

Sigh.

[burger king] new taste sensation

I used to visit Burger King in Lewisham because:

1. The McDonalds was too far up the street to go to;

2. It was close to Boots and WH Smith;

3. I had hunger attacks at the time;

4. I was able to turn a blind eye to the lack of hygiene and surly service in Burger Kings - many can't.

Whilst conceding that the Whopper is not a bad concept for a burger, I don't know about a whopper's rubber wrapping being part of the burger itself:

"My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste," he said. "It was a very sour, bitter sort of taste. It almost had a numbing sensation.

"As I went to bite down a little harder, I felt a rubber grind in between my teeth. I saw it half in my mouth, half hanging out. It was an immediate sick-to-my-stomach type of thing."

Yes folks, it's Burger King's latest - the South-Western Condom Whopper. Actually, the only fast food place worse was Wimpy's, which ruined Paris for me when I ate one of their offerings in Britain just before the ferry trip across to France. Terry Durack, Glenfiddich Restaurant Critic of the Year, said of Wimpy:

"Cheap, but nasty. My cast-iron stomach turns and runs screaming out of the door."

One night in Paris on a whirlwind tour and I spend it in a Paris hotel room on the toilet!

Of course, I'm sure Burger King have improved in your part of the world although this survey, putting Burger King at the top of the unhygienic league, makes bleak reading. And in case you think that that survey was a one off, try this one.

But if you really want to read about some gross food being served, try this. By the way, I forgot to wish you a nice Sunday lunch today.

[guilt of banks] teens sent into debt

There are many who puzzle at my constant attacks on the banks, particularly central banks. Many blogfriends humour me, most ignore these posts.

[I suggest you cover the children's eyes before reading on.]

When I suggest that "sub-prime lending" is simply a euphemism for an appallingly socially destructive phenomenon perpetrated on the weaker members of society by cynical, sardonic greedy vultures displaying utter indifference to the social collapse which is the only possible consequence of this unsustainable policy, I'm putting it mildly.

It is Sunday, after all so I shan't follow up with Andrew Johnson's "viper" epithet.

Just look at this:

Easy credit may leave thousands of teenagers unable to pay their bills, as new figures show that people who apply for credit in the lead-up to Christmas are most likely to default on repayments.

A cocktail of poor financial literacy and savvy marketing means that young people without assets or stable employment are racking up tens of thousands of dollars in debt, leaving them facing defaults or even bankruptcy.

In the past three years, the highest number of credit applications in any month has been November — 9.2% compared to the monthly average of 8.3%. Along with December, November leads to the highest number of defaults (3.1% of applications compared to an average of 2.7%), according to figures from credit reporting agency Veda Advantage.

One debt collector said he knew of a major bank that had extended thousands of dollars of credit to customers, knowing they would struggle to pay the debt. "There are people who get limits who quite clearly ought not, and my understanding is the banks have a policy of 'extend credit, get the money out' and just wear the default rate," he said.

"Some of the poor credit of the people was a bit frightening — people even given credit when they're unemployed."

This is simply wicked. Unscrupulous, power dressed men and women have been allowed to run riot in society and turn Christmas into a season of debt and delayed misery.

They should be rounded up and transported to Elba or similar, at their own expense. Whatever happened to decency, to the old Arthur Lowe type of bank manager who refused to lend if your collateral was not up to scratch?

Where did integrity go?

[christmas] the 2007 assault is blunted

Warning - blogger about to get decidedly caustic and frothing at the mouth

Despite this sort of Marxist, PC, humanistic, atheistic shameful behaviour from people who have simply taken leave of their senses:

A primary school has scrapped its Christmas carols concert in favour of scaled-back shows featuring nursery rhymes and Madonna's Papa Don't Preach. Disenchanted parents have written to Premier John Brumby - who called on schools to embrace the festive season last month - seeking his intervention.

The latest furore follows attempts to ban some shopping centre Santas from shouting "Ho Ho Ho", as fears grow that Christmas is under threat. Ringwood East's Tinternvale Primary prompted the anger after replacing the long-running concert with individual class productions.

Songs in the new-look mini-performances include a reworked version of Papa Don't Preach - a song about illegitimate pregnancy.

... and despite this being the season, in recent years, for the ridiculous winterval substitution, a remarkable number of MSM sites are carrying that dreaded word:

Christmas

... and not only that, they're calling the winter/new year tree the:

Christmas Tree

... again. Could Jesus of Nazareth be making a comeback? Yo and really cool things! [Don't want to be prevocative or anything now.]

[voting systems] which is the fairest

Just been glancing at the election results for Bennelong, in Australia:

Raw results

PETERS, Lindsay [The Greens 4,811 5.53]
HOWARD, John Winston [Liberal 39,551 45.49]
McKEW, Maxine [Labor 39,408 45.33]

Two party preferred

HOWARD, John Winston [Liberal 42,252 48.60]
McKEW, Maxine [Labor 44,684. 51.40]

Interesting what the results would have been under a few common voting systems:

Single Transferable Proportional Representation

Of course the vote was set up head to head so comparisons cannot really be made but assuming there were maybe seven Liberals and seven Labor on the card, along with a dozen others and assuming Bennelong was to return 9 members, with a quota of 10%, then Liberal and Labour would get their 4 each on the second ballot and the Greens would return one member.

First Past the Post

John Howard would be returned.

Preferential Voting

Maxine McKew has actually been returned.

In this blogger's view, FPTP is the least fair system and STPR the fairest. However, STPR needs a single constituency element in it to make members accountable locally and this complicates the issue.

[country quiz] five curlier ones

Can't attribute this Wiki photo because it is one of the countries in the quiz.

1. It is long and thin and near the coast. It actually elected a communist leader years ago and is next door to a country whose sporting colours are light blue and white. It might sound cold but in fact it crosses many climactic regions from warm to cool.

2. This country exports water and electricity, it can get down to minus 7, Celsius, during winter, is in the British Commonwealth, it is 2/5 Catholic and the currency is the loti.

3. This country is long and sprawls across many islands, as well as half of another big island it disputes with its large southern neighbour. Bombings there have tarnished its image of exotic South East Asia. The wife of its former corrupt President was known for her thousands of pairs of shoes.

4. This country is hot and has an aging leader whom half the world accepts and the other half thinks is a madman who sponsors terrorists. It was the scene of huge battles in the Second World War, mainly between the Australians and Germans. From its desert you could sail across the large sea to Europe.

5. This country also has an aging leader and is famous for its cigars and lovely beaches. It is a very poor country under its system of government and it was nearly place for the start of World War 3 in 1962.

Don't peep now!

Answers in reverse order: abuc, aybil, senippilihp, ohtosel, elihc

[blogfocus saturday] tales of day to day life

Day to day events in people's lives can often be eminently readable:

Firstly, Ubermouth, yes she of the four letter words, gives us a gentler picture of life here on her farm [above]:

This is in the entrance of the woods, where I often walk when I am stressed out. It is nice to be able to have ample room to walk about , knowing that you will never bump into another soul.

One day I tripped over a tree root and sprained my ankle. Mum had to fetch the wheelbarrow ( which I sat in) and cart me home that way. LOL

On the farm we have a variety of natural growing berries, chestnuts, holly as well as bluebells, honeysuckle bushes, hedgerows, snow drops etc.

Trees surround the property on all sides so, as you can see, I am totally cut off from civilization ( which I prefer). I can, and sometimes do , walk about in my knickers. I often blare my music and dance at midnight and have complete control of my privacy and surroundings.

Not that I am anti- social. :)

2. Shani tells the story of the blown fuse:

I very quietly and calmly started working back through the events... and then I asked him to check the fuse box.. which he declaimed angrily was of no use... but he would anyway....

Low and behold - it all started working again (except the blown light bulb!).

The lamp had blown first, everything else being a coincidence...

So we rang the book club and yelled at them, a combined effort - because obviously it was all their fault.. ended up with the books at a heavy discount and on cessation of the conversation ----- fell about laughing...

3. Oestrebunny tells the history of her schooldays as they really were:

Secondary school things get easier. They usually do. When all my friends were getting braces to fix their teeth I didn't need too. I filled out a bit and looked more like a person, less like a lanky baby deer. I made new friends and was put into the groups that best suited my intellect. I suppose I'm actually quite intelligent when I apply myself.

I didn't really have many problems in secondary school. One insult from a boy who had particularly large ears, particularly stands out. He called me 'thunder thighs', charming. Way to blow a teenage girls self esteem and imply that she is anything but stick thin.

Which coming from him was a bit rich really. Given the right wind conditions I have no doubt that if he'd flapped those enormous ears of his, he'd have soon taken off.

4. Betamum explains blogging epithets:

Ben was standing over my shoulder the other day, watching me as I caught up with all the postings from fellow bloggers.

He asked why I would want to have anything to do with someone called Potty Mummy, potties being a part of his long-forgotten past, and not a word which can mean two things. No-one says “potty” to mean slightly crazed, not around here anyhow.

So I explained that people use nick-names or made up names when they blog on the internet.
And in the course of explaining this, I mentioned my own blogging handle.

He was silent for a moment, in a deeply confused way.

And then he said,

“I thought you were called Better Mum!”

4. Finally, Sean Jeating is caught in one of those meme things:

fact 4: books. There are about 3,000 in the shelves around me, and - I did even read them. :)
Being asked which one I'd take "to the island", I could not decide and would therefore prefer lots of papers and pens, so that I could write the stories I want to read, myself. :)

Another day in the life ...

[scrooge] bah, it's all humbug

Selfishness

Matrimony has one thing going for it, apart from the joy of family - it keeps a man from indulging himself.

Though he might kick against it and grab his chances when he can, his kids keep drawing him back and he gets used to living with a bunch of other people in the house - he knows the word "compromise" and what it truly means, even down to bathroom availability.

That seems to me to be good ongoing training. It most certainly builds character and keeps him on the straight and narrow. It also has health benefits. Seems to me that, once having broken the matrimonial harness, we begin a downwards spiral towards self-centredness and self-gratification.

Pity the young hedonist who sees a woman and beds her, sees another and beds her and then tries to justify his position. Because what he's doing is killing part of himself as a person and slowly becoming more sociopathic and less tolerant of any but his own needs and desires, though he'll convince himself he's simply being altruistic to more people.

It's an illusion. He is on the way to becoming a satyr. After all, who was it said:

The body of a hedonist is the coffin of a dead soul.

Pity the old hedonist too who has broken free of wife and family and now can never get back into it.

He meets a lovely lady and they seem tailor made for each other. All her quirks seem unimportant at this point and he falls in love with her, the way she seems to have fallen for him.

Compromise

They enter the era of compromise but this can't go on forever. As ardour cools and little habits start to become annoying, thereafter it becomes a question of luck for the two of them.

Example - there was a girl sitting next to me yesterday [and as you know, I like a cooler room with some flow-through ventilation at all times]. I asked her if she wasn't cold and she said she liked it that way.

Uh-huh, just like me. She and I could do business.

Now, a different girl in the room whom I would give anything to marry, she was so lovely; however, she took the opposite point of view. She's a "seal all the doors and windows and seal in the coughing, spluttering sickness with it" type and she was feeling sick too.

Unfortunately, though she would have been my first choice, the other would have been a better bet.

I haven't explained myself well. All right, here's another example.

Basically, there are some things which can't be compromised on and the air we breathe is one of them. I have a lady client and it's a constant battle with her. We like each other immensely but she sits opposite me and asks me to close the door but I have to have it partially open because the room becomes so stuffy and the eyes start to water after ten minutes.

So I close it.

Ten minutes later, she starts coughing and her eyes start watering. I point this out, open the door - give her a towel to put over her feet, she wraps herself up against the cold but the sickness does disappear. The rest of the session is spent like this, trying to find a compromise position between her needs and mine.

Next girl is a different proposition. She likes the air as I do and the session goes smoothly.

So imagine this was a marriage situation. For example - she likes seafood and has a habit of leaving prawn shells everywhere. The fridge smells of it and it's awful. Or what about a girl who's crazy for cats and kisses them, then expects me to kiss her? No wonder I was always sick.

You can speak about compromise until you're blue in the face but what can one do here? Now I expect a married person reading this would think I was so self-centred and it's true - that's what escaping matrimony does to you, I'm sure.

When the two go in opposite directions

There was once a woman I was involved with who'd been married years earlier to my accountant. He'd remained the same, year in, year out. He had his circle and his cycle, he liked skiing [she didn't] and so on. She got into astrology, joined a group whom she began to bring into the family home for conferences and it sent the hubby round the bend.

What to do in that situation? Naturally, they divorced.

I do accept Dale O'Leary's view:

The "family" in all ages and in all corners of the globe can be defined as a man and a woman bonded together through a socially approved covenant of marriage to regulate sexuality, to bear, raise, and protect children, to provide mutual care and protection, to create a small home economy, and to maintain continuity between the generations, those going before and those coming after.

It is out of the reciprocal, naturally recreated relations of the family that the broader communities—such as tribes, villages, peoples, and nations—grow.

Yes, I really believe it's the only sustainable way to live [let's just agree to disagree here] but the barriers to making it work are awesome.

Christmas and New Year

I can't stand the commercialism of this season and am doing everything humanly possible to stop people buying me anything. But it's impossible.

For example, the Vice-Deans and Dean, I just know they're quietly expecting something and I know certain clients are going to feel duty bound to offer me something. I'd prefer just to have a coffee with them. Seriously.

Selfish? Maybe it is but I look at Sally in Norfolk's comment about being stressed out by the Christmas pressure and I ask:

"For what to do this each year?"

[grub street] fat cats at it again

The Grubby People are at it again:

Sainsbury's and Asda have admitted fixing the price of milk and cheese following an inquiry by the Office of Fair Trading (OFT).

The supermarkets, along with a number of dairy firms, have agreed to pay fines totalling at least £116m. Cases against Tesco and Morrisons will continue after no deal was struck.

The OFT said that its evidence found that while dairy product prices went up after the collusion, the price received by farmers did not increase.

Don't you just love that - the watchdog makes a deal with the firms who are being fined for making a deal. So who are the Grub Family here?

This is the downside of capitalism - cabals, trusts and price-fixing. Not a lot can be done really. At what point can a government step in and prevent mergers?

Their answer, of course - when it threatens to restrain free trade but what is free trade anyway other than cutting your rivals out of the market? The strongest survives and then it's irrelevant if the monopoly is state or private - the fat cat still pocket the dosh.