[business lunacy] cautionary tales [1]

How not to run a business.

The Case of the Christian Coffee Shop

This one is set in Sioux City, Iowa, on the campus of Morningside College.

My friend Viktor and his wife were on the academic staff and at lunchtimes, there was the most delightful little café in the grounds, called Java, run by a sprightly lady in her mid-60s, named Polly.

Perhaps you can envisage it – cosy little place on two levels, all turned wood and chintz, offering the freshest ground coffee, chunky soups, sandwiches and salads, all served with a big smile and a personal greeting as you walked through the door.

On the second level was a quieter area for browsing through 2nd hand books and taking them to a table to read, whilst sipping on the syrup. Viktor and Daniella swore by the shop, as did the bulk of the campus, particularly the English department. Now I need to be quite accurate as to developments, as this names names.

For some reason, the shop was sold to Susie, a Southern Baptist Revivalist [I’m not sure what she was doing in the tri-state area] and husband.

And grown son.

And baby.

A huge ‘smiley’ of Susie now greeted you at the door and an electric piano had appeared in the corner, just inside the door. The coffee was served to the dulcet tones of Susie belting out one or other great revivalist hit, sometimes with family members joining the chorus, the baby puking in time in her arms whilst the food was being prepared and visitors encouraged to sing along.

Viktor and Daniella did not immediately shake the dust from their sandals but made a pact to visit every so often to chart the decay, as it were.

It was an uphill task.

There now appeared to be out-of-town strangers lounging about the shop and when the proprietors were not about, which was quite often, one or other would slouch behind the counter and fill the food orders of the rapidly dwindling clientele.

The English department particularly gave it a miss but even students, who could generally be relied upon to tolerate a certain degree of non-hygiene, now they too gave it away.

Our heroes gritted their teeth and continued to visit sporadically, taking only the self-serve half ’n half coffees from the dispenser and perching gingerly on chairs, having first brushed the dust away.

Enter – the son. They sold the business to him. A young man in his early 20s and described as inept though nice enough in a ‘sloppy kindaway’.

First sign was the greasy table of coffee dispensers – now empty most of the time. This necessitated asking at the counter and this day V&D asked for 'half ’n half", which is American code for some sort of coffee manifestation.

'Oh,' mumbled the son and went over to the fridge, took out an unopened carton and opened it. It had gone completely off. ‘My dad left it here,’ was the mitigation. ‘It wasn’t my doing. Pitch it!’

And with that, he did.

At this point in the story, I’m wondering why the two brave souls even contemplated going there again but it seems they did. This time there were computer games in one corner and two dirty socks below it on the floor.

D&V clapped hands over mouths and ran for the last time.

It later became a Mexican fast food outlet, roundly shunned by the whole campus. The owner simply can’t understand why.

[poor kate] media claws into her

Clearly I don't know much about who's "in" and who's passe and I don't understand why everyone's down on Kate Middleton. Is the average blogger down on her because the media also is? And how did that come about? What did she do which was so wrong?

She's now dropped a complaint against the Mirror that printed a picture of her walking to work, accompanied by a caption suggesting "stoney-faced Kate" was about to scold William after he was pictured with other women in nightclubs. Richard Wallace said: "We got it wrong and we sincerely regret that."

What's with this "stoney-faced Kate" jibe, after having cameras pushed into her face? The media really are animals, the way they behave or so it seems to me. Then again, am I just as bad, running the photo to the left?

And what is it with Kate Middleton? Is William bored with her? Is she possessive? Is she dowdy? Does she just hate publicity?

I read her as a private person who is more or less pro-William but who got off to a bad start with the media and now their claws are into her.

Someone enlighten me please.

[economists] the new high priests of society

To this post on the cause of the ills of society, the irrepressible Martin Kelly replies:

1] Economics, or more particularly an over-emphasis on the gross selfishness peddled by the faintly diabolical Friedrich von Hayek and rehashed by James Buchanan, Gordon Tullock and others into 'public choice', bears a very significant proportion of the blame.

2] The UK was lost the day Thatcher took out a volume of Hayek, slapped it down on the table and thundered: 'This is what we believe'. That was the United Kingdom's real 'Year Zero'; the point where the elites made it clear that all that was old and good about us would be smashed and that we would be remade according to the vision of a foreigner. It was if Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights and the previous 1,000 years of history had ceased to exist.

3] It's perhaps no coincidence that the decline of religion and its associated values has seen the rise of economics as a secular religion whose priests believe they can answer all human problems with some back of the fag packet calculus, McEquations, and very liberal usage of the word 'If'. They are slavishly doctrinaire in their adherence to the true faith, and regard all who oppose their beliefs and teachings as heretics.

I go with Point 3 and to some extent Point 1. How about you?

[history quiz] how many of these ten can you get

Who is this person?

1] Inclined to favour Matilda, Countess of Anjou, this man was arrested at St Albans, he acquiesced, was set free, gathered a force, took Cambridge, the abbey at Ramsay was sacked and then this man withdrew to the fens, in preparation for a long siege.

2] Schiller, Verdi, Tchaikovsky, Twain, Shaw, and Brecht, have created works about her, and depictions of her continue to be prevalent in film, television, and song. She had visions, became a heroine at 17 and died at 19, on a trumped up charge.

3] He surrounded himself with all the luxuries and the external grandeur of an Eastern monarch, and his government prospered. He entered into an alliance with Hiram I, king of Tyre; the first half of his reign was better - in the second, he fell into idol worship.

4] When 19, he opened his own tailor shop; an unsophisticated, pugnacious but honest man without oratorical and political skills, he did more for the power of the presidency against congress than any before or since. Ross voted him not guilty.

5] Reporter, columnist and editor for Baltimore's Sun papers, he was especially well-known in the 1920s for his witty and insightful commentaries on the wretchedness of humanity. He edited The Smart Set and American Mercury.

6] Of Scottish descent, he became Russian Minister of War in 1810 and his cold, determined and scientific approach probably saved his army from early destruction at the hands of a full-strength Grande Armee. Other commanders did not like his caution.

7] A dutch exotic dancer, she was also adept at ballet and tried her hand at intrigue but the French were not impressed with he efforts. Apocryphal story of her once wearing only a fur coat and boots, her myth finally caught up with her.

8] Considered by many historians as the world's first multi-genius, he was revered in the ancient world as a poet, philosopher, physician, and astronomer. But he is best remembered as the creator of the first pyramid, the step pyramid and for two recent movies.

9] Raised in Tulsa, Clapton is perhaps his greatest fan, has influenced Dire Straits, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Deep Purple, the Allman Brothers, Johnny Cash, The Band, Santana, Captain Beefheart, and Bryan Ferry. Widespread Panic covered him not so long ago; he remains cantankerous and yet laid back in the extreme.

10] Played the clavier at three and composed his first piece at five; the Pope conferred knighthood on him early. He wrote on an official form regarding his salary: "Too much for what I accomplish, and too little for what I could accomplish."

Answers here.

[dilemma] the broken down car

I put this to a group of young ladies today:

In a nutshell, there's a dilemma wherein a man and his wife see another man whose car has broken down by the side of the road.

The husband reasons that it would be dangerous and time consuming to stop, with no likely benefit as they'd never see him again but that they could well come to harm if they did stop. and anyway, who was to say they'd be competent to render assistance?

His wife disagrees. She says that not only would he lose her respect but G-d would make a note of it for later reference. Not to mention living with hmself in the future. To stop and help, on the other hand, could well become cumulative, as the man would no doubt do something similar when it's his turn.

One girl reasoned that there'd be no immediate effect but the good feeling would brush off on all three, which would impact further down the track, e.g. the boss would give his workers an easier time the next day and so on.

I asked one young man and he reasoned: "That's his problem, buying an unreliable car."

[copperplate] the handwriting of choice

Practise the lettering. It will become easier as you go on.

Nowhere is the dearth of appropriate values in modern life more visible than in handwriting. The almost manic rush of modern living plus the dire straits in which the education system finds itself, have conspired to all but eliminate the standard script which our parents used and which is now only taught in a handful of independent schools.

The internet hasn't helped either.

It's dismaying to hear and read people today call something 'calligraphy' which was, after all, just standard writing four and a half decades ago.

Here is a fragment from an interesting history of the writing form:

Copperplate evolved in the earliest part of the 18th century due to a need for an efficient commercial hand in England. The "secretary hand" (a cursive variety of Gothic minuscule), the "mixed hand", and the more elegant Italian cancellaresca testeggiata had given way to something plainer and more practical. Two varieties of a new "copperplate" style became common: "round hand," the bolder of the two, was considered appropriate for business use, and "Italian," a lighter and narrower form, was considered the ladies' hand.

There is no mystery to the writing.

Firstly, it needs a double ended nib [pictured]. Ballpoints are, quite frankly, an abomination and militate against decent writing.

The theory is that every time the nib is slightly pressed, the pointed ends come apart and the line is thick. As this is a progressive pressing and lightening, the effect is a thick line with graduated ends - pleasing to the eye.

All up strokes and flourishes are made by lessening the pressure on the nib, the ends come together and the line is therefore thinner until it finally peters out. This is the 'mystery of calligraphy' - no mystery at all. Ballpoints or any other form of pen which do not allow the thick/thin alternation are therefore anathema.

Felt tips can be all right in some situations.

So why isn't everyone writing this way?

1] It's not taught any more. In the 1970s, it was deemed too messy [children got ink on the hands], too difficult to learn - it took discipline, a word not in vogue in the 1970s.

2] A new form of writing, called 'cursive', was introduced. The theory went that it was traumatic to the child's mind to go from print letters to joined print letters then suddenly to copperplate. This was the era of phonics as well but that's another story.

3] The 'cursive' abomination, meant as a transitional form of writing until late childhood, actually became the norm and no one wanted to move up to the old script, beautiful as it was. Life was too short to write carefully and neatly. There were things to do, no time to pause. Thus the form almost died.

Interestingly, when I came over to the former Soviet Union, I taught some children the copperplate, expecting to be met with fierce resistance, as is the norm in the west. They took to it like ducks to water and it's true - the two styles are very similar, even if one is in Latin characters and the other in Cyrillic.

This is a fascinating history in itself.

So what's the point? Well it's not just for lovers of beauty in all things. It really does open doors for you. People see your handwritten note or signature and realize you had a good education, maybe even classical. You feel good in yourself as you see beauty flow from your pen and not just some scratchy spider scrawl.

And the good thing is that, with the refinements in the pens these days, the messiness has gone, the blotting paper and the whole paraphernalia is not needed and it's as easy as keeping a pen in your inside top pocket. It certainly impresses when you whip out this pen to append your signature to some document or other.

As for receiving a letter through the mail from someone who has taken the time to write to you this way, it gives a very warm glow, you'd possibly agree.