So here's the second story, as promised [threatened?]
Remember the guidelines? You're asked to contribute one paragraph or two, of normal length, in order to keep the story running and not to close it down. You can return as you wish but always take the previous thread and run from there in any direction you fancy.
Our story:
Kipling the Kangaroo was a pretty laid back sort of guy as a rule but this day, resting up on the dried grass, he had two things on his mind.He'd been reading Wiki on the cave walls and this had startled him:
"Unusually, during a dry period, males will not produce sperm, and females will only conceive if there has been enough rain to produce a large quantity of green vegetation."
As any self-respecting male kangaroo knows, he only has 4-6 years to live anyway and during that time, he needs to keep all the females he can find in a permanent state of pregnancy. Now, there'd been quite a drought of late so he wasn't going to hang about and put up with that.
Which brought him to his next cause for anxiety - they were also culling kangaroos at this very time. He'd heard the shots ringing out each night for the past four days and didn't fancy ending up in the soup pot.
Right, he thought, I'm off to America or maybe Britain to try my luck. "I've heard everyone's welcome in Britain, at the government's expense and it looks like America's going that way too. The only problem with America is they're even more trigger happy than over here."
Anyway, he made it to the air terminal on time, boarded Qantas QF399, settled into the exit row and was about to relax when .............
Go to it and the best of luck.
...it suddenly dawned on him that he was infact only half Kangaroo and half human which allowed him to pass as human from a distance...however he noticed the airport security looking very strangely at him resting their hands on their pistols Kipling decided it was time to make a hop for it. Then a secret incantation only to be used in times of great danger that his father (Who was a kangaroo....the details of his conception are out of the boundaries of taste) had taught him as a young rooman, so up he stood and with a wave of his paw/had shouted out the secret ancient incantation of old "Look Behind you".
ReplyDeleteThe airport police did just that and Kipling hopped away but as he was about to jump out of the airport.......
he heard the wind picking up carrying the scent of tropical rain to his nostrils. He was gripped with indecision, he knew where the lovelies were sulking during the drought. Could he find them just as the rains restored his spirits and virility? And then at the airport bar he spied ....
ReplyDeleteThe One. Such a roo-human had not been seen from the dawn of time.
ReplyDelete"Wotcha name?" he demanded in his most suave voice.
"Patricia," she answered in her dulcet tones. "Plaistow Patricia, they call me, onaccowntoff wearayecumfrum like."
Kipling saw his way clear to unimpeded entry to Britain and really wild things. "Marry me," he begged PP, tripping up a stewardess with a trembling great paw.
Whilst PP was quite the romantic, to ensure he meant it she blurted out, " Sure! We can marry in November . I shall wait for the quarter carat diamond ring." :)
ReplyDeleteKip was crestfallen, even without a crest, and it showed on his noble face. His mind was racing. Was she teasing him? How would he ever acquire such a ring? Was there a duty free shop here at the airport?
ReplyDeleteThen he noticed a roundish bulge in her pouch.
Patricia watching him closely said....
... "You have to take the rough with the smooth, Darl. I'll get you in to the country, you become the daddy."
ReplyDelete"Gulp," thought Kip, "this isn't what I signed on for." However, ever the gentleman, he went over to the duty free jewellery shop, boxed in the glass, took the quarter carat diamond, left an enormous sum of dried grass to pay for the damage and before you could say Skippy, he and Patty were bounding over the green lane, out of that airport, onto the tube where an ugly customer said to Kip, "Watchoo lookin at, eh?"
Kip recognized his face from the boob tube, he was a retired pro-wrestler and former governor in the States. Ugly as the day was long and looking to pick a fight with anyone after losing control of the remote to his Mrs.
ReplyDeleteKip looked like an easy mark and a boost to Mr. Ugly's self-esteem. Little did he know that Kip was an active Vegimite ......
At this point 'Kip' suddenly awakened and realised that, far from being even half a kangaroo, he was actually a confused and ageing human called James. "Oh... is this good news or bad news, thought James..."
ReplyDeleteThis strange identity crisis did not stop there.....
ReplyDeleteJames (if that was his name) suddenly awoke to find himself in 1967 in the London UFO club at a Pink Floyd concert.
The LSD was wearing off and the reason for his confusion over his identity came to a close....or so he thought. Just then a bright light seared through his eyes and he stood on a distant planet with foliage like he never seen before....he looked down at his body and realised he was infact a Robot collecting veg for his masters who were 3 inch rabbit like creatures but with glass bowls that rotated giving poor traction in the mud. Hench their need for J.A.M.E.S mark 2 (Jupiter Automatic Meal Excavator Slimline) to negotiate the flora. Then from the sky came.......
an angry voice calling "Jimbo! For goodness sake, are you forgetting you are a Time Lord? I leave you in charge of just one measly wee galaxy and you seem to be doing your best to mess it all up! And remember, the kangaroos are in charge!"
ReplyDeleteThe Magog were almost upon them - thousands of them, through the wormhole and their aim was to kill.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly donning the kanga costume again, he tore Patty from the clutches of the Magog as they were about to eat her and they bounded away but in so doing, they'd kicked a hole in the dirt for the rabbits to scuttle down.
With the headphones on, listening to Floyd, he cried out, "Careful with that Axe, Eugene," but it was too late ...
Meantime, a tall Scot watched from a distance, contemplatively munching gum leaves.
ReplyDeleteAnd the tall Scot looked down at himself and exclaimed: "Jings ma boab. Ah'm a bleedin Kangaroo! An wie a Scottisdh accent tae! What's the game Jimmy? And who are you lookin at, by the way"
ReplyDeleteJimmy eyeballed the Scot and muttered - ye be wantin' a wee malkie, I'm thinkin' - and promptly headbutted him.
ReplyDeleteThe Scot writhed around, clutching his bleedin' head, growling, "Yer no bloody Glaswegian wie that accent, mon, so what's wie the Rab C Nesbitt act, ye convict?
Suddenly, Kip saw what he'd been searching for all his life...
A Scottish woman! A match for any Kangaroo, or Human, or Time Lord... But Kip knew that he should proceed to approach this cherished dream and vision of threatening lovliness with caution...
ReplyDelete'Don't let the redhair fool you, I'm not Scottish! I am English/Irish and the wit and temper to prove it, so do exercise caution!'
ReplyDeleteShe then turned to Kip and said sternly," What do you want with that manky ,encumbered Patty who is a waste of a good diamond,when I could show you....."