[misconceptions] about women and posts on them

There were some misconceptions as to what I was actually saying about women in the earlier post , possibly because I failed to spell it out, so let me summarize the points again, only this time as statements of what I do believe:

Belief 1 Women should be careful not to be haughty - it doesn't become them.

Belief 2 Young is not always more desirable.

Belief 3 A woman never ceases to be desirable with age.

Belief 4 Expensive does not mean desirable.

Belief 5 Nagging matters a lot.

Belief 6 Large age differences don't work.

Belief 7 It's preferable to be with someone than alone.

Belief 8 It's never too late.

Despite my arguments supporting N7, most people disagreed with this. My friend today put this down to age - younger people see being independent and alone as desirable. I'm not so sure it's not the older ones as well.

Biggest surprise of all was that when I ran this post past 17 girls 20 years of age today, there was almost complete support for N2 and N3 but quite a few were against N6.

N1, N4, N5 and N8 were generally supported.

When I said I was looking only at the 30 to 60 age range, there were wry smiles from those closeby and the girl standing closest to me murmured, her voice heavy with irony: "Oh really?"

You can't fool anyone these days.

I suppose what I was trying to do is narrow down the notion of a "good woman" in my mind. Ellee said:

"I certainly don't conform to your visions of womanhood, and neither do most of my girlfriends."

Actually, that's precisely what Ellee does do and she and Welshcakes were the two I had in mind when I was thinking of the woman I'd most like to be with.

[segie-sarko debate] style versus substance

Reactions to the debate from le Monde, le Figaro and Reuters last evening:

# Ce soir c'est Nicolas Sarkozy qui inspirait confiance et le débat va renforcer la dynamique autour de lui", a estimé Xavier Bertrand. Nicolas Sarkozy "a été davantage concret", a estimé M. Bertrand devant la presse, dans une boîte de nuit parisienne.

# Analysts said neither contender appeared to have landed a knockout blow just four days before their run-off election.

# "I don't think either managed to convince the other camp. Both spoke to their own electorate," said Anita Hausser, political commentator for LCI TV.

# "(Sarkozy) showed himself greatly superior ... (Royal) rather lost control of her tone and her remarks," said Defence Minister Michele Alliot-Marie.

# A le Monde poll had 53% saying Segie was the victor, 34% saying Sarko and 13% undecided.

Today came this:

François Bayrou : "Je ne voterai pas pour Sarkozy"

Whilst committed voters might not have wavered, if Segolene indeed picked up over half the swinging vote, plus the Bayrou declaration today, her strong performance in the debate might just get her over the line.

Unfortunately, like Blair's accession to power, it would be a triumph of style over substance. Her policies are decided on the run in a reactive manner, much like Blair's were. Euston is an example.

Her beauty is her selling point, as Tony's personal image and Nu-look team were.

As Ellee Seymour said:

"I heard an interview on the radio today between the Sarko/Sego camps with the Sarkos accusing Sego of flaunting her femininity in the campaign - well good luck to her."

Ellee has it right here - that is indeed her selling point, her femininity. Is it enough to become president?

I fear it may be.

[visitors] country spread revisited

Just thought I'd show the opposite side of the coin on the visitors question. The chart top left was saved late last evening.

However, after the "older women" post and my Segie-Sarko post [next], the chart has now changed - see lower right.

[21 hour hiatus] in memory and in support

It is most unfortunate that I have upset a good friend of mine, Ellee, with a post "in praise of older women", as I am about to go into a 21 hour hiatus in support of the Virginia Tech tragedy. I imagine a lot of other people will be upset as well and to all of you, I shall answer your comments tomorrow evening after 18:00, London time. It never seems to be the best time to do something but this has been on the agenda since Monday and I must go ahead.

When I return, it will be with the Blogfocus and to answer the comments and mails to that point. I would also like to add Notsaussure to those I shall also be remembering during these 21 hours.

Thanks for your patience.

[whistleblowers] heroes or traitors

This is a re-running of the story I ran on Sunday, November 5th, 2006, dedicated to Ellee Seymour:

Most people, especially the Russians, regard Alexander Solzhenitsin as a patriot and a hero. What did he essentially do? He told on the Soviet Union. He was a whistle blower.

Many Russians regard Vladimir Rezun as a traitor. What did he essentially do? He told on the Soviet Union. He was a whistle blower.

Half the Americans regard Daniel Ellsberg as one of the most important figures in Nixonian America and the man who blew the whistle on Vietnam. The other half accept, in varying degrees, Henry Kissinger’s assessment of the man: A fanatical drug-crazed sexual pervert, the most dangerous man in America, who has to be stopped at all costs.

Mordecai Vanunu told the world about Israel’s nuclear weapons. He was a whistle blower. Hero or traitor?

Here are their stories.

[misconceptions] in praise of the older woman

On the day of the debate between Segie and Sarko, the concept of womanhood arises. As with us men, there are good and not so good. There are some real misconceptions as well.

I'd like to look at certain women and some of the misconceptions which surround them. I base this on experiences over the years, filtered through comments of others .

Misconception 1 Haughtiness is a good stance for a woman to take. There is definitely something in the female which wishes to lord it over all and sundry - from Lady Bracknell to the woman in the photo top left.

It's as if she's saying: "Look how expensive I am. Can you afford me? Don't you desire me?"

Well, no, actually. Not in the least. Good looking woman, to be sure but that haughty disdain for those around is not exactly seductive. I refer here to a type, not to Segolene.

Misconception 2 Young is always more desirable. Why? What has a 20 year old got which a 40 year old hasn't? Brittle psyche, inward looking acquisitiveness, the rawness of a life barely begun and less sense of proportion.

What has a 40 year old got which a 20 year old hasn't? Experienced, fuller loving, self-knowledge, sense of proportion, ability to paper up the cracks, more giving approach - "you get out of it what you put into it".

Misconception 3 Women have a "buy by" date. Once the first marriageable rush is over, the woman gets a second wind in the mid-thirties and is, in my humble opinion, at her sexiest and most powerful. Those who look after themselves like a Segie, I mean.

Then, in the late 30s/early 40s a certain resignation in dealing with life sets in and produces a more rounded person - often grown children occupy much of the time, husband and sometimes career occupy the rest.

In the 50s, it was Agatha Christie who commented that there was more felicity that side of the divide than she thought possible. There's nothing to prove and a certain good-naturedness comes into it which makes it so much easier to live with her plus her skills are at their most developed.

Misconception 4 Expensive = desirable. Well, actually, the opposite is true. The more she's going to cost, the less he wants and the more the eyes stray to someone a little younger, fresher and less demanding. One day she finds herself searching, alone, for the riches she's extolled for so long.

The trick is to look fabulous with what you have at hand - that's where the skill is.

Misconception 5 Nagging doesn't matter. There is a feeling amongst women that "nagging" doesn't really exist - it's just a male misunderstanding of her desire to improve him. Those shopping lists of his faults she likes to painstakingly go over, point by point, they cut no ice with any male.

If she continues it, the relationship ends. Within limits he should and can improve but after that it's flogging a dead horse and is so unfair. It's a one-way ticket to solitude.

Misconception 6 Large age differences work. I swear they don't. Physically, I'm told I act more like someone in the late 30s/early 40s but it's rubbish. There's a definite slowing of the metabolism and it's only really noticeable when up against a 22 year old girl.

The 22 year old sharpness, the alertness, the sudden and sustainable movement, the desire for action, the raw energy, the capacity for late nights, the concerns - these don't gel with the late 40 year old for whom his experience necessarily modifies his pace and his gait. There's only so long the mentor thing can be kept up for.

Misconception 7 Alone is infinitely preferable. Even if you think so, you are making changes, irreversible changes which you're too close to the action to see for yourself, beyond vague awareness. Self-sufficiency and resilience set in, a pet becomes easier to deal with than a cantankerous man, you get into the habit of aloneness.

You're not only more self-centred, you're also a little more selfish and intolerant. Something is missing but you don't recognize it. You have a great life, everyone respects, converses and enjoys your company, there are no disputes - surely it's better?

No it's not. You've lost the power to be at one with another human being. And somewhere inside is that very real need but it's been suppressed. In the end it's well nigh irreversible.

Misconception 8 It becomes too late in the end. Not always. My mother remarried late, as did my stepfather. They had issues. They were experienced enough to deal with them. Not perfectly but the respective families could see it was infinitely preferable to solitude, though they were both hard-pressed at times.

Not only does hope spring eternal [nice word - spring] but chances improve with age.