[good news] milan bans the waif

Why do they always look so empty? Because they’re half-starved, poor dears …

Well, the homosexual fashion mafia have finally been brought to heel.

The Italian fashion capital Milan has formally barred ultra-skinny and under-age models ahead of its February catwalk shows, as the fashion world comes under pressure to promote a healthier image. The agreement signed on Monday between the city and its powerful fashion industry bans models under 16 and those with a body mass index of less than 18.50 from Milan's shows.

The accord also includes courses on healthy eating and exercise and calls for a variety of clothing sizes in shows. Body mass index is the ratio of weight to the square of height - so that a 1.73 m (5 foot 8 inch) model who weighed less than 55.4 kg (122 lb) would be barred. Brazil and Spain are also involved in banning under-age, under-weight models.

Now let me do a quick calculation here … height … square of height … divide … hmmm … my body mass index comes to … 234.8! No, that can’t be right. Let me try again. Er … 26.72. Yes, 26.72. Expect to see me on the catwalk next season, people – I’ll be the slightly balding one in the tutu waddling and pirouetting, not unlike John Belushi in the Blues Brothers.

[notices] apology, blogpower, spammer

When I sent the Blogfocus advices out last evening, I'd already briefly posted the piece to get the url to put in the letter. Then I saved it to 'draft' and awaited 21:00. When I opened it again to post for real, a small change occurred at the end of the url, I know not how, thus rendering all links I'd sent out useless. For this I sincerely apologize.

Blogpower update: apart from blowing out to proportions I'd never thought possible when I did that rant, the Tin Drummer has gone offscreen [can't get replies to e-mails, can't comment on his site] but I think one of the explanations is that he is in Cheltenham today being interviewed by Chris Vallance for 5 Live on the topic of Blogpower. Should be entertaining. I don't know what time, sorry and I don't think he was sure of that either. Hope it goes well.

On the theme of sending out notices, I really try to individualize as much as possible and only send to blogfriends who are half expecting it. I'm diametrically opposed to spamming people to come to this site - hence nourishing obscurity and my miniscule site stats. And yet that is precisely what some new conservative blogger did in the last two days.

It began with something like: "Hi, I'm one of the regular visitors to your site ..." and so on. He was a conservative and he said I was already blogrolled at his site. Though it appeared, in tone, to be a form letter, when I visited it seemed to be a genuine new site, until I saw that I was not blogrolled at all but the big names - Dale, Fawkes etc., were blogrolled. Did this happen to you too?

I deleted the letter from this man.

[festive season] looking rationally at this thing

I’ve already posted twice on Christmas and New Year here and here but I was hardly expecting the peerless Doctor Vee to come out with similar sentiments on this enforced enjoyment. As Duncan says:

...Except that people don’t enjoy themselves at Christmas time. They just get totally stressed out. That’s what I hate about Christmas. It’s not Christmas itself. It’s the whole fuss that surrounds it. It completely misses the point for me, which is to cheer yourself up during the winter. Ideally, the run-up to Christmas would last for a week, rather than three months. I haven’t even started any of my Christmas shopping yet — mostly because I haven’t had the time. Most Christmas traditions completely pass me by.

But now I am faced with a dilemma. Colleagues have been giving me Christmas cards. It must be at least four years since I personally received a Christmas card. For me, exchanging Christmas cards is one of the most insincere things that people do at this time of year, and that really is saying something.

I mean, I never receive Christmas cards from my friends, and I never give them cards either. Does that mean I wish them a rubbish Christmas? Of course it doesn’t. It just means I’m not wasting as much paper. I can just wish people a Merry Christmas anyway. Why give them a card? Often the process of gift-giving is completely avoided as well. Two of my friends ceremoniously exchange five pound notes every year...

Please don't get me wrong. It's not the bonhommie, the coming together of family and the pleasure that brings I'm so down on. I hope it's wonderful that way for you. No, it's the way commercialism has hijacked the time of year and the way people seem to take leave of their senses in wanting to force you to do the same.

There's one other aspect. Having lost my last remaining family member this August and having only one lady companion to call family, there's not a lot for me and I'm sure, for many others, to celebrate at this time. I by no means begrudge you your joyous hearth but all it does for me is make me feel loneliness and longing for those who have gone.

My blogheader is my way of saying to you all: “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and may love abound at your hearthplace.”

[lexicon] next ten handy shakespearean taunts

Short of a barbed taunt to hurl at the object of your ire? The first ten can be found here. The second ten are below:

1] [Thou art] as loathsome as a toad. [Troilus and Cressida]
2] Thou art baser than a cutpurse. [The Two Noble Kinsmen]
3] Thou thing of no bowels thou! [Troilus and Cressida]
4] Come, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul. [Love's Labour's Lost]
5] [Thou hath] not so much brain as ear wax. [Troilus and Cressida]
6] Thou art the rudeliest welcome to this world. [Pericles]
7] Your bedded hair, like life in excrements, start up and stand on end. [Hamlet]
8] Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee. [All's Well That Ends Well]
9] Thou mewling dizzy-eyed flirt-gill! You are a fishmonger. [Hamlet]
10] Your bait of falsehood takes this carp of truth. [Hamlet]

[blogfocus tuesday] everything you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask

When it comes to sex, straight down to it is often the best way:

1 Sex is not always what you were expecting it to be. Blognor Regis wonders why a transsexual got all upset over the reaction he [or she] was accorded:

Well what did this person expect? One week you're a burly fitter with bulging biceps and a mighty butt cleavage and the next you're going for a cockectomy and growing a pair of jugs. You think nobody is going to mention it? And isn't it a bit arrogant of the person to demand everybody around him/her/it holds their tongue? Of course people are going to talk about your sex change. Far better to leave your job and start a fresh somewhere new where they won't know the old you if you're going to get touchy about it.

2 Still in the ‘out of the ordinary’ category, Tea & Margaritas [and you should check out this girl’s photo] explains what has to be done when the real thing is not available:

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

3 Political sex is a time-worn tradition in English and American politics – well, all politics really – and Iain Dale’s recent piece reports on the latest cheeky contribution:

Rumour has it that Lembit Opik has ditched his fiancee, weathergirl Sian Lloyd for one of the Cheeky Girls. The full story's in [the] Mail on Sunday. There may well be a good reason for him being fancied by a Cheeky Girl. According to an MP of my acquaintance, he is, er, how shall I put this... Well, he's at the opposite end of the scale to John Prescott in a particular area. I'll leave you to guess the rest.

Sizzling snippets from 12 more bloggers here plus this evening’s well known Mystery Blogger...

[litvinenko] why were the statements made in russian

The news said that tests on two staff members at the Millennium Hotel in central London and on one at the Sheraton Hotel have shown exposure to polonium-210, Britain's Health Protection Agency said. Sweden's National Board of Health and Welfare said a Swede who had visited one of the hotels had "slightly elevated" levels of polonium.

What I find interesting is why they have to translate the statements made in Moscow into English back in London. Why were the statements made in Russian in the first place, seeing as it was a British investigative team? The category of witness who so far has been and would have been involved in this case would almost certainly speak tolerable English, so why this retreat into ‘no speako Angliski’?

In the last five years, it’s fair to say that the majority of young people and much of the business community in the major Russian cities have learnt English, at least to conversational level, there are teachers of English everywhere who would have been more than competent and even if it had to be done formally, there are translation services dotted around. But the thing is, once again – most speak English. I can only see the insistence on speaking Russian as obstructive in this situation.