[modern mother speaks out] to marry or to co-habit

Morag has just bent my mind on a topic I’ve been itching to get stats on – marriage versus cohabiting.

She asks: What does this topic have to do with politics?

I say: Everything! It’s symptomatic of the whole screwball way our society has gone.

She continues: So, however much we don’t like it, there are some home-truths we might need to face up to. Here are a few things we may want to think about:

• Unions where people are cohabiting are more likely to break up than marriages.

• Most such unions last less than 2 years before breaking up (or sometimes changing to marriage)

• Co-habitations with children are more likely to end

• 50% of women who have children in a cohabitating relationship will end up as lone-unmarried mothers

• Looking at children born in 1997 show that 70% of those born into households where their parents are married will spend their entire childhood with both their parents, whereas only 36 % of those children born into cohabiting households will have that experience. (*Civitas.org.uk goes into all this in more detail)

More than anything children crave stability. Also there are often very radical financial consequences which cause additional changes and far-reaching repercussions for a very young child to deal with. I have walked this path and continue to do so. Morag is just a parent trying to close the distance between what we read in the papers and what we live in our own lives.

There’s nothing really to add to this.

[breastfeeding] does it make children smarter

Are breastfed children smarter? Three Scottish scientists say the evidence points in both directions, making a definitive conclusion impossible. They found that breastfed children scored higher on measures of cognitive functioning than other kids. The key question is what accounts for the higher score?

Is it something intrinsic in mother's milk or in the profoundly physical and emotional act of breastfeeding itself? Are long-chain polyunsaturated fatty acids in mother's milk important for the development of the central nervous system and intelligence or is it the intimate contact between a mother and her baby while breastfeeding that might affect the brain's development in ways still not understood?

Previous research has indicated that premature infants realise larger gains in mental functioning after being breastfed than full-term babies, suggesting that this form of nutrition might be particularly important for neurological development. Against that, "Children who were breastfed had mothers with higher IQ and with more education and who were older, less likely to be in poverty or to smoke and more likely to provide a more stimulating and supportive home environment," the reserchers wrote.

And for all mums, including those fighting for the right to breastfeed in public without being hassled, the truth remains: "It's almost always better to breastfeed, without exception, even though we don't know all the answers to all the questions we have about its impact," said Brenda Snyder, breastfeeding coordinator for the Illinois Department of Human Services.

Maybe we should just think about it one moment. Which would you rather feed on – a piece of rubber or something more natural and which would leave you feeling warmer and happier afterwards?

[royal family] glastonbury, roslyn and the grail

Prince William and friends

I was puzzling over the significance of Glastonbury for William and Roslyn Chapel for the Queen but now it’s a bit clearer.

Sothely glastenbury is the holyest erth of england. loseph Ab Arimathia, with his sone losefes, went into Fraunce to seynt Phylyp and he sent Joseph and his sone with others into Brytayne & at last they came to a place then called Inswytryn, nowe called glastonburye (Prose Life of Joseph [1516]; ed. Skeat, pp. 33-4.)

In the late twelfth century Joseph's name turns up in the French Grail romances when, in an early continuation of Chretien de Troyes' unfinished poem Perceval ou Le Conte du Graal, it is narrated that the nebulous object described by Chretien is none other than the very dish in which Joseph collected Christ's blood after the Crucifixion - the elusive Grail is seen in the continuation as a relic from the Crucifixion.

Shortly before 1200 Robert de Boron wrote a five-part sequence of poems concerning the complete history of the Grail and its travels from the Holy Land to Britain. Later, in Perlesvaus, it’s related that Joseph collected the Holy Blood at the time of the Crucifixion and was later imprisoned by the Jews for burying Jesus.

Miraculously escaping from prison Joseph travelled to Britain where he became the ancestor of an unbroken line of valiant knights. When Perlesvaus departed from this castle he took Joseph's body with him on the red-cross ship which carried him to the Other World.

Read on for some snippets about our royals and other goodies …

[blogfocus saturday] outrage and rhetoric at the keyboard

The little matter of Tony’s timing of his announcement dominated many posts this week, which can be loosely grouped under a number of headings. first off:

Saudis

1 Paul Linford, Belper boy, alleged Tory Blogger and guest at the party I wanted to go to, kicks off with the perils of old age:

I must be getting less cynical in my old age, but in retrospect I was far too kind to New Labour in yesterday's post on whether the Government might have been guilty of burying bad news under the cover of the Ipswich murders and Lord Stevens' inquiry in the death of Diana. It's now absolutely bleeding obvious that this is exactly what they were doing.

2 Shuggy provides backup with the key phrase which should strike terror into every heart:

The public interest outweighs the need to maintain the rule of law. Let's read that again: the public interest outweighs the need to maintain the rule of law. Then let's delete 'rule of law' and try it with 'democracy' or 'liberty'. I'm not one of these who thinks they know the inner-workings of intelligence services throughout the world but I can't think of a single Middle East commentator that doesn't agree that much of the money used to fund the Terror we're supposed to be at War with comes via Saudi Arabia

3 Oliver Kamm minces no words in stating his take on it:

The Saudis therefore clearly encourage an aggressive Islamist ideology, Wahhabism, to divert political dissent into the mosque and then outward to the world. There could scarcely be a more effective way of incubating the forces of fanaticism that threaten us, and the Saudis too. Pressing for political reform in Saudi Arabia is urgent. Mr Blair is not pursuing that course, but instead is acquiescing in corruption for reasons of state. It is an unprincipled decision, but worse, it is a stupid one.

More from the bloggers here …

[blogfriends' party] you know what ...

I'm very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, jealous!

[jim morrison] flawed genius or second rate pretty boy

"There are things known, and there are things unknown, and in between - there are the doors." - Jim Morrison

Whether you feel that Jim Morrison was a brilliant and complex modern-day shaman or just a second-rate pretty-boy poet, who lost it to alcohol and narcotics, it's impossible to deny his influence down through the years.

This band recorded some of the darkest and most challenging music ever penned. What is so distinctive about them is how they successfully blended uncompromising rock, manic blues, jazz improvisation, funky edginess and apocalyptic angularity into dramatic settings for Morrison's baritone voice and acid-damaged poetry.

Jim Morrison described it this way:

“I was ideally suited for the work I am doing. It's the feeling of a bowstring being pulled back for 22 years and suddenly let go. I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder, chaos - especially activity that seems to have no meaning - it seems to me to be the road towards inner freedom. The whole thing is like an invitation to the west, a new wild west, a sensuous, evil world, strange and haunting, the path of the sun, you know.”

More here …

[jelena dokic] girl with a weight on her back

Spare a thought for this girl. No, she wasn’t raped, she wasn’t brutalized in the Sudan, she wasn’t an Ipswich victim. And yet her story is tragic.

Nothing detracts from the horror which is life for a huge section of the world population but this story is still a tragedy in its own way, in terms of what could have been and what never happened.

Jelena Dokic has been racially abused by a group of Croatian men in an ugly confrontation allegedly linked to inflammatory remarks made by her estranged father, Damir. Jelena who? Former tennis world No.4 Dokic was jostled, was subject to a string of anti-Serbian comments and had fruit juice thrown at her, Croatian newspaper Jutarnji List reported yesterday.

Now here’s the thing: The taunts were reportedly made in reprisal for one of her father Damir Dokic’s famous rants against Croatia and his recent unfounded claim his daughter had been kidnapped by the Bikic brothers, who are Croatian. Dokic was said to have been uninjured in the incident, but traumatised.

Now wallowing at 586th in world tennis, she has repeatedly made moves to sever ties with her buffoon father, who emigrated with his family to Sydney in 1994. Jelena's stellar junior career peaked with a ranking of world No.1 and acclaim as the International Tennis Federation's world junior champion. Nurtured by former grand slam greats Lesley Bowrey and Tony Roche, as well as Kim Warwick, Dokic's game blossomed before her father dragged her down.

And this is the thing. For years, while her father was being thrown out of stadia and was making statements such as believing the Williams sisters’ father was a ‘fine man’ and that Tennis Australia had a vendetta against his daughter, his daughter was steadfastly defending him to the press, who were having a field day.

It’s a matter of speculation how far she could have gone and maybe N4 was her true peak and yet the extraneous issue of the sapping of her confidence by her father, his tirades against any boyfriend she tried to have, her break with Australia, her attempt to come back, the whole mess, it was another Mary Pearce.

Fathers. The bane of daughters’ lives or their very best friend and help in time of need?

[saturday quiz] 10 slightly easier ones this time

1 In Roman numerals, what number is CLI?

2 Which are the fire signs of the Zodiac? A, L & S.

3 After how many years marriage do you celebrate your Golden wedding anniversary?

4 From which country does the cloth denim, used in jeans, originally come from? Do you know the town it comes from as well?

5 Which is the third letter of the Greek alphabet?

6 The screwdriver cocktail is made with vodka. What juice is also used?

7 What is claustrophobia?

8 The winter solstice occurs when the sun is furthest from the equator (on December 22nd). What do we call the days the sun crosses the equator on March 21st and September 21st?

9 To the nearest whole number, how many revolutions does the moon make around the earth in a calendar year?

10 In which organ would you find the pineal gland?

Answers here …

[confidence] is this what women want the most

Sam Brett has raised an interesting one:

British studies reckon tall men and thin women are more attractive; the Germans assert redheads are better in the sack; the Americans deem geeks, nerds and smart men have what it takes, and blogger Mr Ben Darcy (along with 500 of you) suggest it's a good sense of humour (GSOH) that gets us going.

True, when it comes to being attracted to someone, everyone has their own personal preferences, checklists and no-nos. Yet after months of deliberating, debating, arguing and occasionally agreeing on Sam and the City, one common denominator has emerged: having confidence is damn sexy ...

Quick check of an official sort of site which deals with this sort of thing and “Vanessa” gives this list of what’s attractive in a man. After “looks”, she adds:

# you've got personality
# look good, smell better
# musical rhythm
# not so much size but how it’s used
# resisting a woman
# taking initiative
# you know what to do

Don’t think this needs further explanation. Delving into the treasure trove of saved and categorized pieces stored since the dawn of time, I found this, by “Dana Peach” [no link, sorry]:

I am now going to reveal to you what women want, have always wanted and will always be looking for in any man with whom they become intimate. It is a "Trump" attribute, which means that its presence is a more powerful influence than others and can tip the scales of emotional acceptance in your favor immediately. Confidence simply says: "I can deal with it... somehow... well at least I'll do my best". The attitude of confidence doesn't even have to be constant, just generally present in the face of most life challenges.

From what I find over here, I’d like to add one or two criteria. Confidence is one thing but if it’s misplaced, if you don’t ‘bring home the bacon’ which your demeanour leads the woman to expect from you, you’re nowhere. It’s more the feeling she gets that you can come through in any situation, at least it seems that way to me. Not giving a toss is part of it all and might help explain the ‘bad boy syndrome’ with women. You’d have to add genuineness, not caring for conventions and a shy smile somewhere in there as well.

What do you think?

[from russia with love] you can keep your nato

Russian Defense Minister Sergei Ivanov says Russia is unable to influence the process of NATO enlargement, Xinhua news agency reported on Wednesday.

His statement was in response to the NATO summit in Riga, Latvia, where 26 NATO member countries have met to focus on its mission in Afghanistan and its future role. “Each country is free to decide what bloc it should be a member of,” Ivanov said. “We have no intention of joining NATO,” he added.

NATO has recognized Albania, Croatia and Macedonia as formal aspirant countries. Georgia and Ukraine also have intentions to join, but are in an earlier stage of the process. The three Baltic states Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania joined the alliance in 2004.

I'm the first to admit I’m no strategic expert but surely it would have been better for the west [read USA] not to have blocked Russia, despite it’s being difficult. Inside NATO, it would have exerted a moderating role and would have tried to eventually play a leading role. Face is very important in all this. Now, outside the alliance, Russia can do as it wishes and that may well have suited someone’s book.