This seems to be worth a second post.In a nutshell, Welshcakes was having a pleasant conversation with a flirtatious butcher, when two bimbos [my words, not hers] came along and took over from her.
JMB left a comment on my post about the matter and said:
I would have said something and then gone home and berated myself. Because the butcher is the one you have an ongoing relationship with, and it's what he thinks that counts. So if you speak up, he probably will tend to be wary around you next time and the whole dynamic of your pleasant regular encounter with the butcher is totally spoiled.'Fraid she's right on this. My reply:
If it were going to continue happening, then maybe it would be right to put in a well thought out phrase but if it was a one-off, then maybe better to let it go. This is what my best friend here does better than I. He chooses the ground to join battle on himself, on his terms and lets all the rest pass by.
I've been learning to do this but I do have the problem of a sharp tongue. that comes through in the Humanism post, for example.The moral seems to be to:
1] choose which battles you'll fight out;
2] assess the collateral damage first;
3] go hell for leather on the ones you decide to fight on.
And then there is the question of your own nerves and mental health. Much better to remain calm and pass things off as unimportant.
Of course, some might say it's better to let it all out; it then cathartically releases the pressure and all is well.
Interesting dilemma.
I always take the cathartic line, but the I move countries every few years. In a village, I might have to be more pragmatic.
ReplyDeleteWell said James. A great summation of what we should do in these cases. One-offs, ignore; continuing problem, speak up. I intend to follow that maxim, wonder if I will succeed for more than a week. I'm usually the go hell for leather type.
ReplyDeletejmb
A good philosophy and one I use myself. No point fighting battles you don't really care about or cannot win.
ReplyDeleteHowever in this circumstance a cough and a look at your goods to the person serving usually get's them back on track.
I don't mind quick interuptions like that but as long as they don't take up more time than 'over there at the back' takes.
Yes, speak up if it's a continuing problem seems the best idea. The butcher is, after all, a pleasant man and I don't want to alienate him.
ReplyDeleteBag, it all took ages!