[moving violation] written in the psalms

Today's cautionary tale:

A poor priest has been ordered to recite Psalms daily for three months as "punishment" for being unable to pay a parking fine. Father Jose Conejo told Chilean judge Manuel Perez he could not pay the $A116 fine. "He will have to recite seven Psalms from a book in the Old Testament," Perez said.

Here are some suggestions for psalms he could cite:

Psalm 32 1: Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.

Psalm 51 16: For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. 17: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Psalm 111 7: The works of his hands are verity and judgment; all his commandments are sure. 8: They stand fast for ever and ever, and are done in truth and uprightness.

So, with your next "moving violation" [somehow sounds better than "traffic offence"], get out the dog collar and bib, whip it on over your tie, slip on the porto-cassock then, when they pull you over, mumble: "Bless you, my son," make a few humble hand gestures and quote the above.

That should do the trick. But whatever you do, don't say I put you up to it.

[posh girls] spicy tension bubbles over

Posherexia doing the lion's share of the work

Time for a bitchy post:

Geri Halliwell, Mel B, Mel C and Emma Bunton became incensed at the special treatment Posh was receiving. Beckham wore the highest heels which meant she towered over the rest of the girls, and during the encore she did not wear her cape with her hood up, as was part of the ensemble, preserving her perfectly groomed hair.

A source said: “All of these silly petty things just got on the nerves of the other girls. And to top it off when Victoria kept getting the loudest applause and cheers, it really grated on the others."

Ooh, claws retracted, ladies - the Beck's not worth the stress. And what was it George Harrison said?

The good thing about them is that you can look at them with the sound turned down.

Although in Skeletal Spice's case, the anorexia isn't a pleasant sight.

[ecb] altruistic bastards

Ah, isn't that so altruistic of the ECB:

The European Central Bank has allocated 348.67bn euros($502bn; £249bn) to banks at a below-market rate in a refinancing move to ease tightened credit markets.

It is one of five central banks that have injected billions in emergency cash into money markets.

The aim is to cut the cost of lending between retail and commercial banks, which has jumped in the past few weeks.

Excuse me, the aim is to go silent on speculative lending [including sub-primes] in the banking sector then, when it all implodes, to lend directly to said greedy institutions at fire-sale rates, thereby creating direct indebtedness, as distinct from statutory indebtedness and thereby creating a direct pressure line on the average punter.

Something very useful when the crunch comes.

[touch and go] find you very attractive

The test of an ongoing concern of any note is if it is readily accessible in Wiki.

Touch and Go are not so accessible unless you type in all the words Touch and Go Band Wikipedia.

The thing is, they never really were a band, let alone that there is an entity called Touch and Go Records as well [not them] and heaps of Touch 'n Go other things. So it's a labour of love but finally worth the effort. And even if you do get into their personal site, it says not too much.

They themselves say, in their blurb, which has definitely changed from the scratchy liner notes in the early 2000s:

Touch And Go is the progeny of an unholy alliance between television composer David Lowe, veteran radio presenter and music journalist Charlie Gillett and co-founder of Oval Music, Gordon Nelki. The trio conceived a new concept based around largely instrumental jazz-based tunes with an ‘economical’ use of lyrics — quite unconventional by today’s chart standards.

Would You…? [uses] a sampled vocal clip and trumpet jazz licks played by James Lynch, over a Latin rhythm.

And the girl? The sultry voice behind the success of the project?


Her name is Vanessa Lancaster and she's a UK based "voice-over artist for numerous UK TV commercials and has modelled both on the catwalk and for beauty products. Her other television credits include Emu’s World for ITV and the James Bond movie Octopussy."

The trumpeter, James Lynch, is one of the UK's top session musicians, appearing in a lot of shows , including with the BBC and has also toured with the Spice Girls and Robbie Williams.

So you've got the picture - a studio project without a face but a fun one nonetheless and a unique sound for all that. And that girl .....


Now cut to the 2000s. Clearly, David Lowe felt that it would all just fade away but Eastern Europe had other ideas, expecially the Ukraine and there was a demand for a human presence as some sort of face for the "band" - Eastern Europeans don't fully understand music they can't "see".

While David Lowe "writes [most] of the material, produces, arranges, and plays drums, keyboards, and most of the bass, as well as doing some of the vocals. Most of the parts are filled in by a cast of various musicians, none of them part of Touch and Go officially, contributing vocalists, brass, and wind parts, guitar, and violin," Vanessa and James front the "band" and co-write songs.


Now, here's the thing again - Vanessa Lancaster just don't gel in my mind as a vamp singer - look at that body language. She comes across to me as a happy girl, flattered to be included in something as much fun as an ongoing Europe-wide touring band. I mean, she clearly doesn't get down and dirty - look at the way both of them are dressed and he's the epitome of the cleancut Brit TV show session muso. And yet they sing:

I find you very attractive ... would you go to bed with me?

Vanessa was taken to task about this by the host of a late show in Bulgaria, Slavi Trifonov, who was keen to know if she often asked strangers to sleep with her.

She replied that when they wrote the lyrics they were looking for the craziest questions that they could ask somebody. The songs are often constructed around the sort of come-on lines used at the social get-togethers of the well-heeled and fashionable, added Lynch.

Uh-huh but there's more.

The song's accompanying video feature[s her] asking the same question to various inanimate objects including an iron and a shopping trolley.

Now I'm already beginning to really like this bit of fun, let alone the duo themselves and the superlatively catchy music but the next part clinched it for me. As the Sofia Echo explained, they visited "Sofia's First English Language School for a question and answer session in a small classroom packed with eager pupils."


Whoa there! This is a sultry nightclub act whose songs have been used by American pole dancing troupe G String Divas, raunchy and heavy with sexual innuendo. And they're invited to a school, to talk with the children? Well, you know, I'd probably ask them too - there's something very attractive about this pair.

Now, in a very minor way, I've also trodden that path. When I first came over here, I was taken to a school to meet "staff and students" and was also very politely mobbed. In their case it differed:

The pupils were keen to know if the two stars liked the school, what they thought about Bulgaria, and if it was difficult to compete in the music business. Lancaster answered and asked the students what they wanted to do in the future and if they found it hard to study English.

I too was mobbed by dozens of kids demanding autographs and I know full well the attraction of Eastern Europe for urbane westerners enjoying something a little different. There's still a fresh eagerness over here and great honour bestowed on guests, which is just lacking back home.


Wiki also notes:

As of 2007, the ensemble is still touring Eastern Europe and performing their popular tracks from the mid 1990s

Members

• Charlie Gillett
• Vanessa Lancaster
• David Lowe
• James Lynch
• Gordon Nelki

Now one of my favourite "bands", Touch and Go's website is here. Google if you'd like to get this music. More here.

[whatsamatter you] itsa notsobad

Getta yerself ova here quik 'n press play.

When you've listened and the window goes small, go to the frames at the bottom, scroll across and press help.

Then listen to it one more time with a difference.

All comments on this ditty at Ian's place, please.

[lizard queen] warmth and integrity

The Lizard Queen, alleged felon and shady customer, in her latest campaign strategy, now wishes to be seen as compassionate and caring for the ordinary American. It's quite touching:

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, trying to warm up an image some voters perceive as cold, starts a drive Monday to showcase her personal side with testimonials from friends, associates and constituents she has helped.

I think that's fair enough. No point swinging over to Overt Compassion before Monday - it must have been apparent at their strategy meeting that there would be no votes in it before Monday, after all.

Lovely lady, Hilly - the quote indicates that only "some" voters perceived her as lacking warmth. Actually, 50% of them.

It's possiby a little unfair to her - reptiles are cold-blooded creatures, after all. If I could offer some advice - she needs a Checkers Speech of some kind, even a Socks Speech but she must be careful not to dump Socks N2 on an unsuspecting friend once the presidency is secured, otherwise the press might get hold of it again.