Friday, January 14, 2022

Friday [7]

7.  Ghosting the gaslighters

The moment one watches one of these '7 characteristics of narcissists' or how to deal with them or whatever, YT leap onto it and send dozens of similar.  Almost all are by females who are not directly naming but certainly suggesting that we're talking males.  Obviously, the few male YTs are on about female narcissists.

My position is of course that both abound, I'd say as bad as each other, it coming out in different ways.  One thing I noticed though, sitting part way through a few of these, is how the narrator is characterising reactions from him, any guy at all, to her charge of narcissism ... as narcissism.  Could be, we can't know, but some of the reactions seemed genuinely nonplussed, which she characterised as gaslighting. In many other cases, she was dead right and I have a male neighbour like this, so I get to see it up close.

It certainly exists, males gaslighting females who are angst ridden at the best of times anyway.  As she has nothing financially to offer, I'm puzzled why he wants to exploit her natural female angst.  Maybe to stop her being successful, to stop her becoming 'full of herself'?

Very little gets said though about the campaign by the female which kicks off the instant her victim is in the trap.  What I found impressive was when a female got stuck into fellow females but you have to really search to find these.  I saw one last night but had other matters to deal with and did not save it.  This morning, of course, the dozens of female YTs complaining about males - they were all still there in place.  Where was that lady's YT speaking of the female narcissist?  Deleted, right.

There were also about eight, by burnt males, giving the traits of the female narcissist.  Obviously, as a male, I could see it and it avails nothing to run them here.  The only worthwhile ones, to me, are where the male is honest about his fellow males and the female about her fellow females.

So I changed my search to 'female narcissists' and only looked if the presenter was female.  The first had previously done a job on male narcissists and she was not wrong.  Big deal.  Now though, she was doing a job on her sisters, so this was going to be interesting.

She opened by saying she had not wanted to, as it fed into 'gender issues' and society's bad views on females.  O-oh, red flags.  And yes, she then started defending the female, excusing them their behaviour while pretending to take them to task ... I clicked out.

Then came this one and it warrnt arf bad at all.  Like most female vloggers, she takes two years to get down to it but hey, eh?

A quick look at the comments above shows males flocking in, with a smattering of female comments.  On this one below, it quite expectedly shows females flooding in to say how their man was so bad.  A smattering of comments by males.

Where does that leave us on the topic?  Well one place it does not leave us is the female vlogger already mentioned, who purported to discuss female narcissism but actually opened with a question - which sex is more entitled comparatively?  We were given a few minutes, then she announced it was the male, 'studies' all back her on this.  Sigh, I clicked out at that point.  If she was not going to be honest, I was wasting my time.

This chap above did a fair job, he also did one on female narcissists.  The lady above probably did one on males and you know ... I'd watch that because it might be unexpectedly honest.  She seems fair and clearly likes males as a species.  Thus I like her.

Which leaves us with the subheading of this section still to do - ghosting the gaslighters.  

It's all well and good saying leave him or her ... often there's too much invested in being there, e.g. property, family.  For example, I'm currently ghosting my neighbour over his behaviour, have not spoken for a month and a half, I stick to myself ... but that does not work when his behaviour gets intrusive, such as late at night, so today I'll deal with it.  I'm certainly not leaving my home for him.

In a marriage ... phew ... where does one start?  Easy for an observer to say just go, not so easy for one who's invested so much.  Looking back at my WN1, it was only near the end when she came out with it ... so passive, she called me ... which I can well be.  Not a word about matters other than the other external reason which was the key, unrelated to us personally.  In short, methinks, in hindsight, she was more than reasonable.  

Not so WN2 ... from the outset, from the moment I'd sampled the wares, the narcissism was on, until that bizarre moment she literally said, and I've mentioned this before, that she was more beautiful than I was.  Like ... duh.  She was the honey to look at, I wasn't, I'm male - that's me saying that, not her.  I was too young to wake up to what was going on.

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