[dancing, computing] and the two left feet syndrome

Now, 1-2-3- oh dear, what comes after 3?

When I say I don't like dancing, I mean I love dancing but not when I'm doing it. Actually, I love dancing when I'm doing it but not when any woman is watching. The only solution in the early days was to be like The Fonz and be too cool to dance, which hid all these insecurities.

It's all very well a girl saying, 'It's easy, there's nothing to worry about.'

'Yeah, to you perhaps but to me it's like going to the dentist.'

'Oh no, James, it's just so ... oh ... wonderful. It sets you free. I could dance all night.' [This from a usually shy person, mind you.]

'I could dance all night too but not if you're watching every error I make.'

People are good at what they have liked for a long time. I can sail because I've been into it since I raised a towel on my paddle board as a kid and felt the first thrill of wind speed. The tiller in the hand tells a multitude of things about the trim of the boat and so on.

If you come on board, I'd put the tiller in your hand and when the boat lurches downwind, say, you'd be insecure. I'd say to you, 'Nonsense, it's easy.' Actually, I wouldn't say that because it's a ridiculous thing to tell someone.

Look, put me on the dance floor with you and I freak. The body is paralysed and that creates the two left feet. The face is drawn and super-serious. The only solution is to dance crazily, in some sort of cranked up two-step-come-ice-dance. It's five hours of sheer trauma. The slow dance comes as a relief. With you up close, something else comes into it and you're not watching my foot-moves [although you can sense them].

I don't dance, I'm not good at it and I've never practised it or been taught. Well, I did once go to dance lessons but that was only to get a girl - I don't remember any of it.

Bob B said about jive, in comments on the weekend poll update:

It was certainly challenging and intimidating for the neophyte - just standing there twitching to the music wasn't good enough. The newbie needed a sympathetic and encouraging partner to start learning and to avoid going on looking a complete lemon. To complicate matters, there were different styles of jiving which didn't readily blend - a floppy, stompy style and a tight, fast style, as in the video. Adherents of the one found it difficult to dance with adherents of the other. The result was likely to look a mess and induce frayed tempers.

I went to a dance party and a girl came up and wanted to dance. It had taken an hour to thaw out enough and I'd chosen a self-conscious girl who also had the two left feet problem. I felt comfortable being the one who drew her out of herself and as she saw I was no great shakes, she did thaw. Anyway, up came this other tall girl and somehow she got me to dance with her.

After a short time, I thought, 'She's not that great at this game,' and I started to loosen up and enjoy it. We danced for a long while.

Later in the evening, once again with the gf, we saw an exhibition performance and this Alexandra was one of the four and my goodness, she was unbelievable, the moves she made, perfect coordination of arms and legs. The jaw dropped and I said to the gf, 'I was dancing with her earlier.'

'I know, I saw you. You've got two left feet - even I dance better than you!'

End of story - that was the second last time I've ever danced with anyone for any reason whatsoever. I'm sure she said that because it was one thing she was excellent at [and she was] and I was terrible. She couldn't resist the dig.

We went for a holiday and that awful time came round late evening. Hallelujah, she fell asleep after the day's exertions. I tiptoed round the hotel room and made no noise. I was even prepared to give up N1 for the night. About 01:00, she woke up, realized what had happened, said, 'You bastard,' got herself ready and we had to go to the club.

It was closed.

We had to get a taxi to another one.

For some reason, it had closed its doors.

She gave up and that was maybe where I lost her. Of course, the thing I'm not too bad at wasn't on the agenda, was it, after my deception? The episode [in a previous post] with the rose between the teeth - that was the next evening in the hotel and though it was much better, I still gave dancing away completely because there was no pleasure in it.

An adept in any field - sport, dancing, sailing, computer games - has either forgotten or has little patience with a neophyte or non-adept. Women who can dance want one of those tall, handsome gigolos to flit around the floor with and then hubby or bf can, mercifully, go to the bar and sink a few whiskies.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

If she cares at all, if she wants a dance partner in perpetuity, she doesn't say, 'Oh, go and get some lessons, would you!' She becomes what Bob mentioned above - a sympathetic and encouraging partner who is overcoming a quarter of a century of having avoided it whilst she can't wait to break out into dance any hour of the day or night.

Surely a woman realizes that someone who can move pretty swiftly between the sheets [and anywhere else round the room] could also possibly move on the dance floor, approached the right way.

Patience. Caring. Kindness. A forgiving attitude to her dear man. Aren't they supposed to be the traits of a woman? :)

...

A programmer friend of mine in Russia wanted to install a programme called Symantec Ghost on my hard drive. 'Fine,' I said, 'only go slowly and let me write down the steps so I can do it myself next time.'

He sat down and the fingers went at 4000 mph, disks were whipped out and others put in, something called Win Rar suddenly appeared and things suddenly disappeared, bang, bang, bang, all done!

'Yes but I didn't have time to write it down. Could you go through it patiently with me?'

I could see the frustration creeping in, the shoulders tensing and heard the little sigh. He started again in an exaggerated slowness but as it went on, he became faster and faster and faster. It was useless. The way I finally worked it out was after his third visit and slowly, slowly, I'd managed to get it all written down and then had a go myself, in my own time, at my own pace, making my own errors and discovering how to correct them.

Adepts in any field should bear this in mind.
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