[crash test dummies] or just your standard alien

Several people in Roswell, N.M., have reported spotting an unidentified flying object over the northwest side of the city, a mecca for those interested in UFOs.

Andre Buonaiuto said he and his wife saw a flying saucer Monday night, KOAT-TV in Albuquerque reported Wednesday.

And the Airforce explanation?

"Aliens" observed in the New Mexico desert were actually anthropomorphic test dummies that were carried aloft by U.S. Air Force high altitude balloons for scientific research.

The "unusual" military activities in the New Mexico desert were high altitude research balloon launch and recovery operations. Reports of military units that always seemed to arrive shortly after the crash of a flying saucer to retrieve the saucer and "crew," were actually accurate descriptions of Air Force personnel engaged in anthropomorphic dummy recovery operations.

Well, that's a relief. Unless, of course, all those crash test dummies and store front mannequins are actually ... aliens! The only way to verify this is when you next go to the mall or shopping centre. Here's how to do it:

1. Approach one of the mannequins respectfully, then seize it in a headlock and disrobe it;

2. Unscrew the head and place one thermometer you've just brought deep into the neck recess and one in another place, thereby establishing if it is alive or not;

3. When store security has you in a headlock, explain that you are saving the world by exposing the mannequin plan to invade and take over the world.

4. They'll then award you a medal and you can sell your story for £10 000.

Easy-peasy.