[midweek travel] add piquancy to your stay

From Parker Pyne to West World, there has always been a market for the adventurous kind who like a touch of piquancy to their stay.

Below are ten randomly selected destinations which are fairly certain to supply you with the “adventure holiday” you crave. Each entry has its own Scimitar Piquancy Rating [SPR] for your guidance, from 1 to 5 scimitars - the more scimitars, the more lethal the holiday.

1. Somalia

SPR: Trouble is - so many groups, each wanting to terminate you.

The X Factor: A Fourth Generation entity, the Islamic Courts, which had taken control of most of Somalia, was brushed aside with ease by Ethiopian tanks and jets. A makeshift state, the Transitional Federal Government, which had been created years ago by other states but was almost invisible within Somalia, was installed in Mogadishu. The Somali state was restored – or so it seems. Added factors: warlords

2. Darfur

SPR: They're more interested in massacring each other but if you get in the way ...

The X Factor: The government and Janjaweed attacks upon the non-Baggara civilian populace have resulted in a major humanitarian crisis. Added factors: UN “Peacekeeping” atrocities and China, who are supporting the government.

3. Algeria

SPR: If they catch you, it will be gruesome.

The X Factor: Sustained small-scale terrorist attacks including bombings, false roadblocks, kidnappings, ambushes, and assassinations occur regularly. Added factors: government condoned militsias like “the AIS, connected to the FIS, the Islamic party that would've won the elections.

But AIS looked like squeamish moderates compared to the GIA, another Islamic militia that does its killing south of Algiers. The GIA get my vote for the sickest, craziest, bloodiest guerrilla group since the Khmer Rouge went out of business. They're the ones who do the massacres that make Algeria the place you'd least like to spend your honeymoon.”

4. Palestine

SPR: They catch you, off goes the head.

The X Factor: "The leaders of both the PA [Palestinian Authority] and Hamas must take immediate steps to break the cycle of impunity that continues to fuel abuses, including arbitrary detentions, abductions, torture and ill-treatment by their forces," said Malcolm Smart, Amnesty's Middle East programme director. Added factors: Condi’s stirring.

5. Namibia

SPR: Disease is the one to be careful about. And drinking the water.

The X Factor: The expropriation of white-owned farms began in 2005 and the government says it aims to resettle many thousands of landless citizens. Like its neighbours, Namibia's wellbeing is being threatened by the HIV/Aids epidemic. Added factor: secessionist war in the east which the government now says is safe.

6. Burma

SPR: Almost no risk because the country is sealed off to you.

The X Factor: Than Shwe and the SPDC are the biggies, doing a Darfur by providing government troop protection whilst 200 “security” men killed monks in Ngwe Kyar Yan. Added factor: isolation.

7. Afghanistan

SPR: They catch you, they kill you.

The X Factor: Even though they have been removed from power, they are still present in small pockets, particularly in the eastern and southern regions of Afghanistan. News reports are claiming that these scattered Taliban have now supposedly teamed up with Gulbuddin Hekmatyar, head of Hezbi Islami. Pakistan, who supported the Taliban regime militarily and financially, made a drastic policy change and yet can it be trusted? Added factor: NATO.

8. Colombia

SPR: Virtual guarantee to be kidnapped but usually only for ransom.


The X Factor: In August 2001, Colombian police arrested four members of the Irish Republican Army, one who was reportedly teaching English to terrorists at an FARC camp, while the others had apparently been showing the Colombians how to manufacture gasoline bombs. FARC finances its operations partly through ransoms paid to kidnappers. There were 3,000 kidnappings reported in Colombia in 2000. Added factors: civil war, drug barons.

9. The Philippines

SPR: Stay out of the south and you might be all right.

The X Factor: Several religious groups have been fighting for a homeland in the south of the Philippines since the 1970s. Thousands of people have died in the conflict. Rebels occasionally take foreign tourists and Filipinos hostage. Added factors: Libya and possibly Bin Laden.

10. The Yemen

SPR: Virtual guarantee to be kidnapped but less to be murdered.

The X Factor: Its tribal tradition of kidnapping foreigners for ransom and its government's inability to control remote areas, have made Yemen a haven for Middle Eastern terrorists. Foreign tourists have been kidnapped in recent years. Added factors: Bin Laden, Iraq, Iran.

If you’ve noticed a certain correlation between many of these destinations, for goodness sake don’t go drawing any cartoons about it.