[history] can’t fathom vorty, freddy and harry

This is the sort of day when a man’s mind naturally turns to questions such as:

1] Whatever possessed Vorty to invite Hengy and a bunch of savage Saxons over for tea and cocktails in the first place? What, in that miniscule mind of his, did he possibly think was going to be the outcome of Saxon ‘assistance’ in his Pict and Irish campaigns?

“Er, right, well that’s that done. We’ll be getting back to Saxony if you don’t mind, Vorty. I think we might have left the cakes on the hearth, tell the truth. Thanks for the beers.”

2] While we’re at it, what possessed that Athelney woodcutter’s wife to even think Freddy was going to attend to supper on the hearth when he had things like saving Wessex and driving back the Danes swirling around his noodle at the time? Didn’t she notice his distant, semi-detached look as he cupped his chin in his hands and brooded?

Didn’t it dawn on her that she had an undomesticated, unreconstructed king type person on her hands? And why cakes, when a good hunk of beef and bread and a vat of wine would seem to have been more to the immediate purpose? And did she think a bit of scolding was going to endear herself to him?

3] And whatever possessed Harry, the second of that moniker, to allow the fyrd to go back to their farms, just when Will the Con, Harry the Hard Man and Tosser were getting ready to come over and pay a visit? I mean, surely Harry was King, wasn’t he?

I know that this was actually the point at issue and that he was excommunicated for cheating and that Haley’s Comet had appeared but still. Why didn’t he just go and get them again and if they kicked up a fuss, tell them: “You ignorant prats. We got bovva, so get your gear, get in line and come down to Hastings with me and you can go home next week, orright? Otherwise there ain’t gonna be a next week, you go’ it?”

You’d agree that these are pretty vital questions to mull over with our beef, bread and vino this evening?