[what’s in a date] some to consider

1991 Brown attends the Bilderberg Conference

1993 Blair attends the Bilderberg Conference

1994 Smith conveniently dies

1997 Blair and Brown rapturously welcomed by a grateful nation, Diana bumped off

1997-2009 Britain destroyed

2009 Blair appointed to a cushy Morgan job, the Morgan Fed being the name behind the global meltdown, non-American Obama rapturously welcomed by a grateful nation, March 23rd - America loses its sovereignty, unconstitutionally, to the NAAC

2009 onwards America destroyed

2012 Ah, the magic year

[sonus] understanding issues: part 2

This is part 2 of the Sonus series on why we're effed, who is responsible and whom we need to lynch. I've just read all of it to part 5 and have to say it gets even better the further you read.

Dates for posting the Sonus articles: March 16th, 18th, 20th, 23rd, 25th and 27th.

Part 1 of this series can be read here.




Let us now revisit the simple banking model in Part I

I do not want to over-complicate the varying mechanisms, between the US and UK banking systems, as that is not the issue here, merely to say that over time the State began to control the individual banks.

Banking licenses were issued, which allowed the banks to issue bank notes in their own name, (subject to limitations), and as banks failed, or merged, no new licenses were issued. Over time this resulted in a monopoly for the Bank of England. (Differing notes are still issued by banks in Scotland)

In order to control the amount of credit (debt) that could be issued under fractional reserve lending, (sometimes called “the multiplier effect” in the UK system) The Bank of England could require the clearing banks to hold varying proportions of the assets as deposits at the Bank of England. (The Chinese authorities are very active currently, using special deposits as a way of controlling their economy, via credit/debt issuance, and they seem to be avoiding the traps of pro-cyclicality quite well)
That is enough of the details to suffice.

There are several features of a modern Fiat system that must be understood in principle.

0. Modern Fiat systems have evolved efficient control mechanisms. If a 5%, or a 2%, or whatever %, rate of inflation is required, absent large extraneous events, that is what will be achieved. (remember the previous political machinations with interest rates prior to election times, and the Kudos Brown earned for making the B of E independent - allegedly)

0. All Fiat systems beyond a tipping point, have a definitive life-span, after which the “National Debt” is compounding at such a rate that it overcomes the ability of the economy to pay it. The Maths cannot be beaten.

0. During that life-span, incremental debt injected creates diminishing increases in GDP, on a £ for£ basis. Towards the end of a Fiat life-cycle, massive injections of incremental debt will create negative GDP. Once again, the maths cannot be beaten.

0. Increases in the rate of inflation in a Fiat system shorten the life-span of the system. Maths again.

Ron Paul says it well!

The above are enough rules for now, but think of their importance, and understand the implications of the above in relation to current circumstances.

The intrepid blogger Karl Denninger blogged about points 2, 3,and 4 above. He produced a graph here.

When reviewing this graph, take note that it was published BEFORE trillions of new debt was injected, albeit sterilised, by the Fed. The upcoming de-sterilisation will bend the trend line lower!

And the blog is here.

Simply put, there is too much debt in the economy. If people won't borrow, because they are up to their eyes in debt and non-profitable companies can't service any more, or can't roll existing debt over, the velocity of money decreases. You cannot inflate away from an over indebted position by injecting more debt via borrowings. Interest rates will not remain at, or near zero, for long, as bond vigilantes will strike, then even more existing debts become unserviceable as interest rates rise, and currency devaluation becomes the only option.

The dirty hidden secret of all Fiat systems is the theft of all savings via inflation. Gradually, over the years, everything is confiscated. Yet everything is so gradual, (when operating properly) that it goes un-noticed, becomes part of an unconscious acceptance, it is insidious and evil.

Once again, Ron Paul gets it.


To give an example, in 1972, I purchased a serviced building plot from a local council, obtained detailed planning consent, and built my own residence. The land cost £2,500, it was one quarter acre. Today, the land would cost more than £150,000.
The land has only marginally increased in value due to development, - it was bought with outline planning permission, - the difference is that the £ has devalued since 1972.

Difficult to believe?

Well here is a website that can be used interactively to illustrate my point.

Here is a website that looks at the prices of housing from 1890, to present, and adjusts them for inflation. It shows vividly the vast over valuation of housing currently, so let's say the land valuation could drop to £75,000, that is still a vast devaluation of the £ from the £2,500 purchase price.

Yes, it is American, but if anything the degree of historical over valuation is higher in the UK.

In the normal run of business activity, if a business were to issue receipts for non-existent goods, or sell a product that it did not own, it would be guilty of fraud, and the directors would run the risk of jail time.

This is what banks do as part of normal business activities, called fractional reserve lending, and it becomes legal because the Government issues a banking licence that says it is legal.

It is the global use of fractional reserve lending that increases overall inflation levels via increasing levels of credit (debt/money)-(although inflation levels may vary geographically) and results in the gentle theft of all savings, over time.

The dirty little secret restated, is that no Government running a fraudulent Fiat Banking system wants you to know, is that prices do not automatically increase, it is the currency that devalues in a Fiat system. NO FIAT CURRENCY HAS A FIXED VALUE AGAINST ANY GLOBAL ASSET, IT MUST DEPRECIATE OVER TIME. PERIOD. AND THE ASSET MUST APPARENTLY INCREASE IN COST. Absent fractional reserve lending and interest on debt, the normal evolution during a product life-cycle is one where the product becomes cheaper due to increasing volumes of mass production rising from public acceptance of the product selling in greater volumes, and improvements in technology, and competing companies entering the market attracted by the initial margins. For example, look at the advances in computing power, and the price decreases in the last 2 decades,- albeit an element of the price reduction is due to off-shoring/currency manipulation in the exporting countries.

The mistake that MOST thinkers make is to consider the currency as fixed and commodity prices as increasing. Such thinking is particularly useful to Fiat governments. It disguises their theft of the savings of the populace, and their reneging on their future liabilities, eg, for pensions.

A Fiat system cannot be deflationary without ultimately imploding. It struggles to exist profitably in near zero inflation (equilibrium). It can best exist in a “growth” situation, that is, where increasing levels of credit/debt are being created, - the classical western “growth model” of western economies.

Deflation is death to Fiat because the paying down of all debt, or the cancelling of all debt via bankruptcy destroys the money supply, and economic activity ceases, since credit (debt) is “money” in a Fiat system. This is part of what worries the global financial authorities in this current deflationary stage of global financial collapse.

Here is an excellent summary of the above issues.

The authorities are determined to preserve (their) the Fiat system at all costs, even at the expense of criminal moral hazard, and possibly the future viability of the country, and age-old democratic values. Although the current crop of political leaders seem oblivious to economic principles, there are increasing numbers of dissenters to their methods, who are becoming increasingly more vocal in their opposition.

It is this passion evidenced by the authorities, for the preservation of the Fiat system, which is becoming increasingly illogical, that causes inquiring minds to speculate the true motivations behind a seemingly noxious stand. 
 
 



Jamming with a Pretty Woman refreshment break.

Or as I remember clubs!

 
 
 
 

Part 3 of the series can be read here.


It says 'written by James Higham' below. Actually, it was written by Sonus but I can't reformat the author in my template.

[age of consent] and a time to refrain from embracing

Was there ever a topic as offputting as incest and child pornography? No blogger in his right mind would touch it, not least because the key words appear in search engines worldwide.

Also, if you’re of the gender and within the age range of the most highly suspect, you’re hardly in a position to write on the topic. I’m going to though because it’s deeply distressing to see what’s going on.

To begin with, I accept the point made by Lord T that:

We pride ourselves as having progressed where in fact we have not progressed much since we left the caves in these regards. It is all surface coating or lip service to the law.

Never mind the porn, just look at our newspapers.

Nobody has any page 3 grannies. It’s all 18 to 20 year olds, younger if they can find a good reason and as it sells papers we all guzzle it up. We all like looking at young things.

Remember Charlotte Church when she was only 13 or 14? How people commented on her body … Nature made women fertile long before they matured mentally.

Some years ago, a friend of mine, a footballer of some note, was discussing this over dinner and his wife made some point about cradle snatching, which was interesting because she was cradle snatched before she met her husband. He made the comment, ‘I might have thought about it for five minutes.’

At least he was honest. I’d suggest that the reason he didn’t think any longer than the five minutes was because of sheer availability; in short, he was a catch for females of any age. How far is dwelling on the charms of young girls inversely proportional to one’s overall attractiveness to the female gender?

And yet there was Ted Bundy, not unpersonable and accepted by one girl as his marriage partner but he was psychopathic, whereas we’re referring here to ostensibly ‘normal’ males..

I’d answer my own point by saying that the more that opportunities result in the taking of those opportunities, the more voracious becomes one’s own appetite.

What I’m getting at here is that in the periods of my life where I was doing well with the ladies, the more ladies that I was seeing, the more ladies who mysteriously seemed to become available. It tended to snowball.

Perhaps it was all their friends and colleagues which opened the pool, perhaps it was what it did to the man – making him take more care and attention over his own appearance; maybe he was just more attuned to the female, the more he indulged her and indulged in her.

These days in Britain, with virtually zero opportunity, nothing snowballs in the least.

Sexual orientation

Lord T mentioned a ‘sliding scale’ and I believe in that. For example, one of my pet theories is that we all have a sliding scale, like the fader on a sound system, between homosexuality and heterosexuality.

I don’t think that one is either all one way or the other. Having been traumatized as a child by friends of the family [my parents never knew, right up till the end], my slider on that scale is jammed hard up at the hetero end.

I have almost zero homosexual tendencies. In fact, I even have problems shaking hands with a man, which is why I tend to have such a hard handshake and if one puts his hand on my shoulder, which the Russians who like you tend to do, with no connotations whatsoever, I try hard not to cringe.

On the other hand, I have zero problems with two girls hard at it and a love affair between girls doesn’t worry me any. Older woman-younger woman, older woman-younger man – not a problem unless it’s my woman with the younger man.

By the way, much of my life was spent avoiding the charms of older women - my second wife was six years older than me, my first four years older and I had certain problems with mothers as a young teacher. My next door neighbour who was about fifty, invited me over [I was maybe thirty] and began, ‘I’m a woman, you’re a man,’ at which point I made polite excuses and ran.

Yes, I would

Age range

Similarly, there seems to be a sliding scale with age preference but a better model here would be the margin tabs at the top of your Word document. They’re set somewhere across the page.

Chandler’s Philip Marlowe preferred his women to be shiny and hardboiled; I can’t imagine anything worse. Nabokov’s anti-hero preferred Lolita. I can’t imagine anything worse than a child lover who lies there and says, ‘Tell me when you’re done.’ Surely the game with a woman is the whole thing – the thrill of the chase etc.?

Let’s put a hypothetical to the men and ask them the question of where they’d set their tabs.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you find yourself on your own and a precocious eighteen year old makes herself available. You’re never going to be caught as she knows somewhere you could both go to do the deed.

Well? Would you? Don’t lie!

A Segolene Royal finds herself with you and seems to be taking a deep interest in your middle-aged pontificating. It’s clearly on … so do you? You’d need not ask me twice.

OK, now let’s broaden it a little.

You find yourself, somehow, with one of the thirteen year olds you’ve seen pictures of, she’s clearly sentient, she’s on her own, she likes you and no one’s ever going to know. She says, as Clemence Poesy, living child-porn on two legs, said in the film In Bruges, ‘Fuck first, eat second.’

Would you cross that line?

A lady of sixty, elegant, silky voiced, educated, still naughty, powerfully Loren, seems quite affected by your charms.

Well? Would you?

So where do you set your tabs, boys? 3 to 70? 16 to 43? 9 to 22? 26 to 49 [where mine currently are]?

I have another theory, as Anne Elk had, that other sliding scales also come into play now: fat-thin, serious relationship-one night stand, intelligent-bimbo, blonde-brunette and so on.

In other words, all of us are all over the place in whom we could go for although conversely, the pool of women willing to go for us is steadily contracting.

The disintegration of normal relations in developed nations

In a western world where fathers can’t even go near their daughters for even normal fathership and mothers are so paranoid that they look askance any time their daughter is left alone with her father, there is real sickness going on.

In a world where the majority of women are making themselves exceedingly unappealing to and demanding of their partners [and make no mistake about this, ladies – it is happening, not least with some of your gender’s feminist carping], the male is looking elsewhere. Look at the mail order bride market and the increasing number of men willing to go ‘offshore’.

By their very actions, women are driving men to look in other directions. Women will violently attack me for saying this, saying it is no excuse for touching a younger girl.

I agree – it is no excuse at all but human nature is what human nature is. Are all men rapists? Not in a society which is balanced, where women act as women. And what does that mean – acting as women?

This one is for you, ladies – have you ever thought what attracts a man to you apart from your luscious lips, perfect thighs and big breasts?

It’s you as a person.

Now if you’re going to make yourself unattractive through the feminist motif running through all your words and actions, even though you have no idea and would hotly deny you were actually doing that … and at the same time, some undemanding young beauty appears on the scene – whom is he going to be more likely to want to spend his time with?




The prostituting of young girls

This really upsets me and is the reason for the post.

This generation of girls is growing up doing the full adult sexuality and more by late teenage, doing things that only prostitutes did two generations ago. I’m going to get specific here. Even the Rodox porn of yesteryear, while showing group sex, did not dwell on dp and other acts to nearly the extent that today’s porn does.

Today, these acts are almost par for the course and what’s more, the models doing them are either close to or I suspect are under eighteen. This is progress in society?

What’s worse is in the social interaction at school age.

From her sexually sentient years of around eleven or twelve, where once they were fourteen to seventeen, it is obvious that the only way a girl is going to be part of the gang, the most increasingly important focus of any child whose world is expanding, as always has been the way, is to conform to group mores.

From where is the young male getting the idea that it’s fine to bang girls indiscriminately and that that is a girl’s ultimate value within the group?

The answer is that these days a girl says yes and has to say yes or else she finds herself marginalized.

Gordo had a plan to have a nurse in every school. It’s de rigeur to provide sexual counselling for children and condoms seem to be readily available.

Why? Why now?

It was never necessary before in school because boys might have dreamt of it and a certain percentage of slutty girls crossed the line but generally, they were Playboy days, when the woman was still held to be a desirable person, rather than just a semen pit.

Before the late teenage guys leap to their own defence, let me qualify this by saying that it’s not so much a 24/7 orgy I’m alleging is happening but normal adult relations, where full adult sex is just part of the whole, shifted downwards to the lower age range around fourteen.

Some will claim that that’s healthy. Guys and girls hanging around together, socializing and yes – having sex. Without complexes and healthy, right? Are the girls traumatized? Are they heck as like – they’re some of the main instigators.

So what’s wrong with it?

They’re not effing ready, that’s what’s wrong and I’m not only referring to the explosion of teen pregnancies. In a society so officially fixated with protecting the young and vilifying the male, no one is effing well actually protecting the kids, in real terms.

To have to face the loss of virginity so early, on top of all the hormonal angst and in the context of the pressures of school life, peer group troubles, bullying, the constant pressure to be ana and so on – it’s a bizarre cocktail.

When I say they’re not ready, the model of sex being the consummation of a deep relationship between two people has all but gone out the window.

Fourteen year olds can certainly feel deep love and my own thirteen year old lover when I was that age is still very much on my mind. I had sexual relations when I was eight with another eight year old I’d known since I was four. She’s the one I mentioned whose case I used to carry when we walked to kinder. But this was the ‘I’ll show you mine if …’ variety.

So yes, even eight year olds have a certain sexuality but it’s an eight year old sexuality, not an adult’s.

Yet the porn available has the whole biz with an older, adult male together with a seriously teenage girl and they package it up as an ‘audition’, for money. This is wrong.

How has it come down to this?

Look, the porn market would not exist without people viewing it. If no one viewed three thirty year old men and a fifteen year old girl in a no holds barred video and thumbnail presentation, then that category of the industry which prostitutes girls from less developed nations and even our own would not exist.

To paraphrase Lord T, we’d all be viewing page 3 grannies.

But men and even some women do view these things and are becoming inured against any sense of shame that they’re doing so. What they are, in effect doing, is giving lifeblood to the industry and to the exploitation of girls. Not only that but with the ready accessibilty of this material, this is the pattern on which young sexual relations are being built, now that the church is virtually silent and parents don’t seem to be mentoring any more.

So our own children are at high risk of learning sexuality outside the context of love and normal adult emotions. A child can’t feel those emotions. She can feel the physical stirrings after a certain age and knows about falling in love but she can’t feel what adults eventually feel and so she interprets, as the boy does too, a perverse sort of male-female social interaction based on lust in a group setting.

Look, if you start a girl too early, it causes all sorts of psychological dislocation at a much later date. I’ve seen it happen and it’s so subtle it’s hard to prove. There are no stats on this.

How to stop it all?

Stop men watching, pull the plug on this market.

How to stop men watching?

Girls saying no, as the vast majority once did.

How to get a girl to say no?

Remove the social expectation for her to say yes, the idea that it’s quite all right by us - instead, make it the norm and quite OK for her to say no.

How do we do that?

By ourselves, us males, stop feeding the monster.

I suspect that our own two generations are too far gone and any progress will have to come from sexually weary girls, at twenty five or thirty, with their own children, to start reasserting some sort of moral code where there’s a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.

Leave aside right and wrong and the idea of ‘thou shalt not’.

Let them educate their children that peer pressure should not extend to personal sexuality, that there is a generally accepted age where these things have a meaningful context and above all, re-establish the connection between sexuality and one-to-one relations of some sort of meaningfulness.

Dare I say it – in a context of ongoing and abiding love.

Dare I also say it – this is the true feminism, ensuring girls are allowed to grow up in a healthy environment where they are valued for themselves and not just for their bodies.

[2012] cashless economy, here we come

I wanted to hold this post back as the political comment on the blog is best made by Sonus for a week while I concentrate on other issues but I got to my mate's too late today and it had already gone up. As you know, once readers get their RSS feed, there's nothing which can be done. It's a pity.

I'll still post the Incest post though and Sonus's part two will appear tomorrow morning.


As we all tighten our belts and fail to really comprehend what Wolfie said about the last quarter this year, reactions will vary.

Those who don’t accept the ‘Them’ scenario, that there is a malevolent, interlocked power keeping wars and human misery ticking over, will be buoyed up by the Roosevelt dictum, ‘All we have to fear is fear itself.’

Britain and America will pull out and let me quote Svali [§] again:

There will be massive bankruptcies nationwide. Europe will stabilize first and then Germany, France and England will have the strongest economies …

The economist pundits who were shown not to have a clue [or else they knew precisely what was going to happen and dissembled], will preach confidence and not to listen to the doomsayers.

Quite frankly, if there is a way out and the analysis of many, including myself, turns out to be wrong, if construction does begin again and the first shoots of confidence pop their heads up, then this blog, if it still exists, will issue a grovelling apology.

People like Lord T are basically optimists and it’s the optimists who get us out of things. So well done.

On the other hand, I left a bit out of that quote above.

… and will institute, through the UN, an international currency. Japan will also pull out, although their economy will be weakened. The good news is that if a person is debt-free, owes nothing to the government or credit debt, and can live self sufficiently, they may do better than others.

Yes, we do recover but into a brand new world where money and credit is now reconstituted, having been shown [by Them] that you can’t trust people, especially sub-primes, with it.

To enable Nanny to rebuild the devastated economy, a new currency needs to be in force [Brown’s contribution to saving humanity] and no one buys or sells except in this currency. It’s not even a currency but a cashless economy, a reaction against the huge, reckless borrowing by governments such as Brown’s which left the country up to it’s neck in debt.

With the stroke of a pen, all debt is now wiped out by good ole Nanny Europe and anyone playing along, e.g. Ireland by ratifying Lisbon, is rewarded.

After some time, even plastic becomes obsolete and a small veri-chip in the wrist is promoted with huge discounts on accommodation and food prices, which eventually means that the only way to eat is to have one of these.

How far away is this?

Look at what’s been happening at local level in Russia. There’s a post 1990 tradition of truly free enterprise, which the mafia naturally tried to muscle in on and control but it was beyond them as every time they closed someone down for selling, [see the film Brat for an example of this], grandmothers would pop up selling staple items such as coleslaw, other produce and cottage cheese.

People mostly have dachas or gardens and they can revert quickly to growing their own produce. The more enterprising keep livestock, kill a cow, chop it up and store the pieces over winter. Bottling with the vacuum sealing is also a long tradition there and can return quickly, as the infrastructure is still in place.

But here’s the rub. Local authorities won’t let it return.

From about 2001 onwards, there was a major move to construct hypermarts under local government control, with accredited [read ‘ripped off’] stall holders and the iniquitous system of ‘concessions’ in which the law colludes in killing off genuine free enterprise.

Then began systematic destruction of all local stalls, kiosks and people just appearing on the streets to sell their wares, which was the one major, positive feature about the Russian economy. They simply disappeared and people who could once come downstairs to buy something now had to travel by car to the hypermart.

At the same time, high end chains such as Metro and Bahetlye became emporia to which the new middle-class flocked. What people failed to realize was that it was the same process as in Britain years earlier.

Let’s check. Could I produce my own ready-cooked meals, soups, confectionery, as well as keeping a supply of cigarettes, go on to the street here with a little table and chair and start selling?

How long would I last and who would be the people to stop me?

Therefore, ASDA and Morrisons [or whoever your local is] assume huge importance in your life. Imagine you had to run your wrist through a small electronic hoop [see Casino Royale] even to enter the store. Imagine that one day your chip did not register [just as occasionally your card at the checkout shows credit limit reached] because someone in a ministry had decided that you ‘failed to qualify’.

Any reason – slow in paying council tax, wrote things against the government on your blog.

Where do you now go to eat? After two weeks or so, having exhausted your family’s patience, it will become apparent that it’s either going to be dustbin picking or the country to grow seeds.

Can you go to the country in Britain to grow seeds? Would the cabbages you grow happily remain in the ground or would someone come along to f--- you over?

Therefore, the only possible way to eat is going to be to keep well hidden within the extended family and let the family take up the slack.

Oh but how many don’t have the extended family any more? How many live either on their own or with one partner? To you, I’d say, ‘Your f---ed, mate.’ The instant someone decides you’ve been a naughty boy or girl [drugs, wheelie bin offence, it doesn’t matter], you’re off the list and don’t eat.

This is how they are going to do it. This is how they can most effectively have us by the short and curlies.

Independent thought? Libertarianism? Thing of the past, fellow citizens.


§ [Interviewer HJ Springer, Chief Editor CentrExNews.com., 2000]

[caption time] just that

[christa päffgen] reasons to continue, reasons to pass away

On July 18th, 1988, a lady went out cycling around her favourite roads in Ibiza, on a swelteringly hot day.

She was found unconscious by her bike and taken to the Cannes Nisto Hospital with a brain haemorrhage; she died at 8 p.m. Cremated, her ashes were placed in her mother Margarete's grave in a small cemetery in the Grunewald Forest, at the edge of the Wannsee, Berlin,

A few friends played a song from Desertshore on a cassette recorder ...

You can get a metro train to Wannsee and there is a bus that goes from outside the train station. It's the old fashioned historical omnibus which runs hourly. When you get off the bus there is a sign pointing in the direction of the cemetery. In winter the bus only runs until 17:00 and the cemetery shuts early, too. As you get to the cemetery, her grave is a couple of rows in to the left.

Thus ended a living enigma in less than romantic circumstances.

Christa Päffgen was born on October 16th, 1938, in Cologne, in Nazi-controlled Germany. At the age of two she was taken to the little town of Spreewald on the outskirts of Berlin where she lived together with her mother and grandfather, a railway man, through the end of World War II. Her father died in a concentration camp.

Fleeing from the Russian occupation in 1946, mother and daughter wound up in the ruined American Sector of Berlin where Christa worked part-time as a seamstress. She was sent to school till she was 13 years old, then took a job selling lingerie. After a year, her mother found her work as a model with a Berlin fashion house.

At 15 she was sent to the Isle of Ibiza on assignment and met a photographer who gave her [a different name to use] after a recently departed boyfriend of his.

In 1958, she fell in love with Ibiza on a visit there. In 1960, she was enrolled at Lee Strassberg's Method School in New York, joining the same class as Marilyn Monroe.

She became a supermodel, then one day Fellini signed her for a part in La Dolce Vita the instant he saw her. In 1964/5, she had a child by Alain Delon.

Among her friends and partners were Andrew Loog Oldham, Brian Jones, Jimmy Page, Andy Warhol, whom she supposedly told, ‘I want to sing,’ the Velvet Underground, Jackson Browne, Brian Eno, Phil Manzanera, Bob Dylan, Jim Morrison and Iggy Pop.

The Velvet Underground threw her out when she wanted to be their lead singer but John Cale was so taken that he produced three of her albums; Bob Dylan also dedicated his song Visions of Johanna to her.

Chelsea Girl and Camera Obscura were two albums associated with Christa.

Her work was obscure, mystical and intense, with gothic overtones and sparse instrumentation, her voice deep and soulful, almost fey. Death appeared the companion to her narcotic life and she may have understood that her time was up, as her final works resembled a requiem, remembering old friends and others littered through her past.

I feel she ran out of reasons to live.

The notion that a person cut off from youth, from the real love of her life and from the things which gave her life some piquancy, which allowed it to make sense, the notion that this person simply dies, is an appealing one.

There are two battles I’m fighting at the same time right now.

One is that the girl I love is trying to get here to see me and some days ago, it appeared that it’s now a forlorn hope. I’ll have to go there although there are no means to. What were the odds that her former best friend, having returned from another country, is also trying to get in touch with me?

Both of them are characters in Insanity.

The second struggle is having to kill off a character in the second last chapter of the final book but I can’t let her go. A tragic girl, rescued from her past, I’m thinking of killing off my main characters instead. Somehow the tragic character needs to live on and others who’ve gone as far as they can should take her place on the last train.

When the writing’s done, then the mission is completed. Parents, friends and loves having all gone and with no infrastructure, the future is too opaque to continue.

It wasn’t an altogether unfulfilling experience.

There's a nice article here.