[id cards] question of time

Scarcely any need, wouldn't you say, to add anything else?

Shadow home secretary David Davis said: "The government may have removed the highly visible element but they have still left the dangerous core of this project.

"The National Identity Register, which will contain dozens of personal details of every adult in this country in one place, will be a severe threat to our security and a real target for criminals, hackers and terrorists. "This is before you take the government's legendary inability to handle people's data securely into account."

Still, these ID cards beat a chip in the wrist or forehead.

We'd all be part of the EU Android Army then.

[airports] the issues today

Short post on airports. Ian Appleby replies in a post:

But really there's no joy in flying at all, these days. I was 15 the first time I got on a plane, and I can still remember the excitement. For many years I could tell you instantly how many times I had been on a plane.

I had bought into the fantasy of the champagne glasses and cigars of some 1930s golden age hook, line and sinker. I've done two trips already this year, and frankly just now I think you'd have to pay me to get on a plane again.

Shuffling round in long lines in your stockinged feet with one hand holding your kecks up because your belt will set off the metal detector and the other hand clutching that ridiculous plastic bag with your squeeze of toothpaste in - when there was clearly no substance to the liquid bomb plot anyway - just to perpetuate some illusion that there is some sort of war on, what a farce.

That man can write. There's one other issue in particular which needs immediate resolution before I fly again - bag-nav throughputting and the café latte:



I was at Terminal 2, being farewelled by my SIG-OTH, sipping at our final CAF-LAT when, over the tannoy, following the obligatory ringtones, a young lady's sing song voice quelled the hubbub of terminal conversation:

"Ladies and gentlemen, from check-in to baggage reclaim, tens of millions of passengers entrust their belongings to ALSTEC's baggage handling systems at Heathrow Terminals 1, 2 & 3 and Gatwick North Terminal in the UK and at many other international airports."

It was time to check in. The smartly uniformed cynosure of all eyes went through her routine, then added:

"Do you trust ALSTEC or BAGLOSS?"

"Er … ALSTEC."

"Fine. Because much of ALSTEC's success can be attributed to innovation both in system design and equipment. The latest evidence of this is ALSTEC's low maintenance linear drive carousel, which is setting the standard in terms of performance."

"It carries the bags in a line, in other words?"

"Sir, the screening of all hold baggage presents problems in terms of maintaining levels of throughput within the baggage handling system. ALSTEC has solved these problems, with proven 100% HBS systems where there is no significant impact on passenger throughput. Have a happy throughput".

"Er … thanks."

Tearfully, my SIG-OTH disappeared down the concourse and I went through. Four hours later, at the other end of the longhaul, the cheerful Customs and Immigration official perkily asked:

"How was your throughput, Mr. Higham?"

"Fine thanks."

"That's due to the proven HBS and BAG-NAV."

"BAG-NAV?"

"Originally developed for London Heathrow, the world’s busiest international airport, BAG-NAV is arguably the most advanced baggage handling system control and management software suite available today."

"Suite?"

"BAG-NAV brings together all parts of the baggage handling process into a single easy to interpret and manage system. Would you care to hear the listed Benefits:

* No delays at check-in
* Bag screening remote from passengers
* No bottleneck in baggage handling system

… you can stop me at any time, sir, by kissing me just … here."

I tickled the tonsils of this Snoggable-Nubile-Official [Govt.], she sighed and the clunk of stamp on passport was all that disturbed the heady atmosphere of terminal bliss.

"Have a happy perambulatory TRIP-BIZ in our country, sir. Next! Hello sir. BAG-NAV brings together all parts of the …"

Throughputting via the green channel, I reflected that I'd completely forgotten to ask her about Babcock continuing its successful strategy of acquiring and developing technically sophisticated businesses in growing infrastructure and asset management markets, plus the acquisition, on a debt free basis, of Alstec Group Limited for a net cash consideration of £44.9 million, funded from existing banking facilities.

I sighed.

Due to the down-modem software support to facilities management with a team of engineers permanently on site to operate and maintain the facility, it had all gone too swiftly and I'd been whisked away from my new IMMIG-DEPT-LOVE, perhaps terminally.

And yet I could also breathe a sigh of relief, to be honest because the 5 Level Whetstone Scanning Device [SCAN-DEV-WHET] had 100% overlooked my second heart and the keys to the TAR-DIS.

[conscience vote] some decency returns to politics

Please don't present this as "bringing religion into politics". On all major human based issues there is a parliamentary precedent for a conscience vote so why not on this? Who is to decide this is not a matter of private conscience?

I'm not a Catholic but I say well done to these three on standing up on a question of principle. If only more of us would stand up and say, about this issue or that, this is wrong.

How long is it since we saw any Labour politician do that?

Oh and Gordon - say "England". Come on - you can do it. Let me help you. "E-n-g-" Good, good, you're doing well. Now "-l-a-n-d". Oh dear, you bottled it again.

[israel] if denmark attacked britain

If Denmark were to launch daily rocket attacks on the U.K., would the U.K. sit back, do nothing and comply with do-gooder charitable organizations' requests to take a humanitarian view of the loveable rocket launchers?

What if the rockets, far from being stuffed with high explosive designed to "simply" kill instead filled the warheads with ball bearings designed to indiscriminately maim the civilian population but when Britain pointed this out, learned world experts pronounced that it "probably was not so" and was the aggressive Britain's attempt to justify its outrageous attacks on little Denmark?

What if the U.K. were to then blockade Denmark and conduct attacks on military targets where there were known mobile military units using weaponry and technology from another European power equal to the U.K. in strength and using human shields to create a humanitarian outcry every time the U.K. struck back?

What if the tiny group who'd seized control in Denmark had vowed that the U.K. was a 'festering sore' which should be wiped off the map and that G-d was directing them to destroy every man, woman and child in those fair isles which were historically theirs by right?

What if the U.K. were then to expostulate that history clearly showed that the land belonged to the Anglo-Saxons but the international community got behind Denmark's version of history instead and ordered the U.K. to desist from these "unprovoked attacks on a sovereign nation", whilst conveniently ignoring the daily rocket attacks?

What if the U.K. launched an offensive which was inconclusive because the Danish military units simply faded back behind the mischievous European power's borders where they denied this was happening?

What if the humanitarian situation in Denmark, as a result of the blockade, meant that people were sleeping rough in their own faeces, dying in the streets of malnutrition and the malcontents who had a stranglehold on Denmark were to hoodwink the people into believing how evil the the U.K. truly was and that all this human misery should be laid at the U.K.'s door?

Meanwhile they continue to rain rockets on Britain and the people in France, over their daily coffee and croissants, shake their heads at the aggressive Brits because the French media, which they all slavishly believe would never tell a lie, has assured them it is so, showing only the results of British "atrocities" on state television?

What if the U.K. was to turn, with open enquiring hands, to the world and ask, "Why does everyone hate us so?"

[meme] fifth sentence on page 123

Illustrations above and below by J.H. Wingfield

Beaman has tagged me and though I loathe and detest memes, if it's Beaman, I suppose I must comply. So, the book close at hand is Notes from a Small Island, by Bill Bryson [Black Swan, 1995] and here are those sentences:

5 Once, many years ago, in anticipation of the children we would one day have, a relative of my wife's gave us a box of Ladybird books from the 1950s and 60s.

6 They all had titles like "Out in the Sun" and "Sunny Days at the Seaside" and contained meticulously drafted, richly coloured illustrations of a prosperous, contented, litter-free Britain in which the sun always shone, shopkeepers smiled and children in freshly-pressed clothes derived happiness and pleasure from innocent pastimes - riding a bus to the shops, floating a model boat on park pond, chatting to a kindly policeman.

7 My favourite book was called "Adventure on the Island".

8 There was, in fact, precious little adventure in the book - the highpoint, I recall, was finding a starfish suckered to a rock but I loved it because of the illustrations [by the gifted and much missed J.H. Wingfield] which portrayed an island of rocky coves and long views that was recognizably British but with a Mediterranean climate and a tidy absence of pay-and-display car parks, bingo parlours and the tackier sort of amusement arcades.

I pass the meme onto anyone on my blogrolls and may the Good Lord have mercy on your souls.

[rain] everything's the same

'People ask me what music I listen to. I listen to traffic and birds singing and breathing. And fire engines. I always used to listen to the water pipes at night when the lights were off, and they played tunes.'

'Half the musical ideas I've had have been accidental. The first time I discovered backwards guitar was when we made 'Rain'. This was a song I wrote about people moaning about the weather all the time.' [John Lennon]

Some pics here.

[tramvai of dreams] the french motif

Foggy day

Wish I'd had a camera today. About half the snow has gone and it was foggy, not unlike in this photo from Flickr.

Crossing the bridge to town, the river still frozen and snowladen and with the fog patchy in places, it was other-worldly, atmospheric and I was hurtling to my Day of Women.

Officially this Saturday is International Day of Women [March 8th] but I have two days of women each week - Wednesday and Friday and it can get crazy. My Day of Men is always Thursday and it's a nice relief.

I was supposed to deliver my first lecture on Australia early afternoon to the 5th Course and when I got there, there were no girls anywhere. Now this was weird because I was expecting around 90 to 100 of them and it's a bit hard to hide that number away in a corner.

Turns out they had me down for the following "pair" [time period] and so it was a waste of time - couldn't go anywhere as I was being picked up by a French woman in her SUV at 14:00 so the only thing was to go down to the stolovaya for a coffee but as I hate sitting on my own, I took a girl I knew down with me and the woman who runs the place was highly amused - you don't take girls to stolovii - it's a little lower than a cafeteria.

This is the one I mentioned some time back is always passing me on the stairs or happens to be where I am or vice versa - it's become a bit of a joke and really is coincidental.

Trouble is, she's French-English and I'm English-French, which means we had to speak in a combination of French, Russian and Pidgin-English. She was telling me about going to Paris to the Sorbonne and so we discussed Paris.

Then a whole load of French-Englishers came in and that was worse. Eventually they all disappeared and the 5th Course rocked in, ready for my lecture but I had to tell them I wouldn't be there.

'But you are here.'

'Da but I shan't be in five minutes.'

'Why not?'

'Because I'm being collected.'

'But you have a lecture with us.'

'No, I have a lecture with you now, in this pair.'

'But you're in the stolovaya with us instead.'

This was clearly going nowhere so I tried to explain but they still felt I was pulling a swifty on them or didn't want to give them their lecture or whatever. I had to say, 'It's not my fault,' and then blamed the administration and they understood that one well - everyone does that. Well, that was all right then.

So I left and was collected and she looked amazing. Mistake was to take her to the Pyramid because there was a girl there I'd given to understand I was keen on two Fridays ago [tramvai of dreams post] and I understood she'd not be working today. This was tricky and then my French friend said about her that she looked uncannily like my ex-girlfriend and I'm wondering how she knew that.

Then the penny drops. This is where I'd brought the French lady some months back when my ex-girlfriend had come into the cafe and we'd made an appropriate reconciliation in the middle of the floor. This thing was now turning into a French farce.

Back to the uni and just as I'm about to have my last pair, a French festival starts up and kills that idea - the topic I was planning to do was The Art of French Dressing - you've seen it on this blog. We eventually managed and a photo will be forthcoming hopefully this evening, maybe tomorrow.

I'm getting very nervous now about this Saturday. There are about twelve women and a whole load of girls expecting some little prezzie from me and I'm thinking out how to be ill or out of town but even if I do, they'll get me the following week. So nothing for it but to open the wallet but what to buy them? Chocolates?

The driver on the way home muttered, "I hate this time,' meaning March 8th. Some years back the police pulled me over for some infraction on this day and I reminded them that it was The Day of Women - a day of peace, love and reconciliation.

The head honcho, I remember, retorted, 'Woman's Holiday', meaning he was still going to give me the full fine. What a bstd.

So - are all you boys gearing up to buy your women something super-duper? The ladies are waiting in anticipation. Or shall we declare it International Day of Men and retire to the bar?

[airports] best and worst

This blog loves opinionated articles and fellow bloggers with chips on their shoulders - something you can really get your teeth into. Here's one on the world's worst airport:

Ezeiza. It has to be Ezeiza ... There was one - that's right, one - place to eat, where a simple "cafe chico" and a roll cost me about three times as much as the hour-long cab ride from the Argentine capital. Then, of course, there is the constant threat of fog, the flight cancelations that come with it, and the chaos that ensues.

Considering how often they have to deal with this, you'd think it would be a bit more organised. But no. People scream around in a Spanish-speaking mess, clambering to get seats on other flights. Uni-lingual goons such as myself are in all sorts of trouble when the huge queues start forming at the check-in desk.

And the world's best?

Some airports are palaces, the sort of places you could imagine yourself staying for a few days (and in some cases, you do). Changi is brilliant, but I'm not breaking any ground mentioning that. KL International is also a great place to wander around, and Dubai is all right, too.

My choice? On access, facilities, servicing, something to do whilst waiting and processing on and off the plane, for best I couldn't go past Tom Bradley 8 in the old days - don't know now. Another excellent airport is Domodedovo in Moscow. They've refurbished and coordinated and it's a nice place, check-in is easy and it seems friendly.

For worst - possibly Dubai [nothing open and nothing to do] or Ashgabat, [where I had the police come at me]. The very worst in the world would have to be Sheremetyevo 2. I had $2000 stolen in a scam with a bank there on the lower floor and was refused exit twice, which resulted in me paying a fine for being correct. The taxi drivers are appalling and the mafia everywhere. I fly everywhere from my home airport.

And for you?

[clinton] are americans fickle

I took Ohio and RI and I'm acummin fer yoo now!


Update: via Lord Somber on why Americans shouldn't vote.


I suggested on somebody's site yesterday not to write off the Lizard Queen yet:

Over the last few days, the tone of the Democratic contest seems to have shifted, with Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s campaign more buoyant and Senator Barack Obama’s more defensive.

That shift may be traceable in part to the “Saturday Night Live” show on Feb. 23, when, back from the writers’ strike, it mocked the news media for treating Mr. Obama more gently than it treated Mrs. Clinton. Mrs. Clinton amplified that view later in a debate, and her aides stoked it all week, practically browbeating reporters.

She takes Texas and the world is in trouble.

What I'd like to look at is just how fickle the American people are - being swayed in their votes by how Tina Fey acts or speaks or what happens on Saturday Night Live. For goodness sake, aren't the Americans capable of doing some research on the candidates? Why do they seem to go through these mood swings? Can't they stick with their chosen candidate?

And McCain. He's Conservative? Save me!

[political compass] calum carr's version

Following on from yesterday's short political test, here is Calum Carr's longer version and my results - between Friedman and Thatcher: