[well known figures] ten questions

1] Which demagogue was married four times and believed that having sex with virgins "would help to restore and reinvigorate a man’s health and vigour” but instead resulted in the deaths from starvation of some 30 million people?

2] Barbara Millicent Roberts was known for asking: "Wanna have a pizza party?" Who was she better known as?

3] Which baseballer wore a cabbage leaf under his cap to keep him cool?

4] Which statesman is said to have been born in a ladies' room during a dance though research indicates something slightly different?

5] Who was watching mice play one night and got the inspiration for Mortimer Mouse, then later changed the name?

6] Which Eurasian rapper's 2nd album was said, by Madonna, to have been "criminally overlooked"? Her career nosedived when she was caught miming in concert in Australia.

7] Masako Natsume, who tragically died at 27, played which priest in Monkey?

8] Which post-war Australian Prime Minister was supposedly lost swimming at Cheviot Beach, Victoria, his loss the subject of theories ever since? As a black joke, there is a swimming pool named after him.

9] Who was King George II speaking of when he retorted, "Mad, is he? Then I hope he will bite some of my other generals!"

10] In English, who was Jehanne la Pucelle, the Domrémy girl, better known as?

Answers here ...

[hell's grannies] rise of the machines

This blogger on his mobility scooter in the Arndale Centre mall, twenty years from now, Welshcakes riding pillion ...

Well, of all the …

Liberal Democrat MP Bob Russell said motorised wheelchairs used by pensioners and disabled people need to be governed by more safety regulations.

In 2004, seven motorised wheelchair users died in crashes and 402 were involved "adverse" incidents. One woman reportedly died when she reversed her wheelchair off a pier into the sea.

Allen Jones, chairman of the Wheelchair Users' Group, said: "Just as there are good and bad cyclists, there are good and bad users of powered wheelchairs."

Ray Hodgkinson, director general of the British Healthcare Trades Association (BHTA), warned that "the decision to treat the vehicles as 'go-karts' could bankrupt some companies".

He added that HM Revenue and Customs' move "was apparently inspired by fears that they were also being used as golf buggies even though they were unsuitable for that use. "

And the public thinks:

Only yesterday an elderly gentleman crossed at a pedestrian crossing in one of these, whilst the lights were on green for the traffic, very nearly causing an accident. [Zoe Dunne, Bournemouth, Dorset]

Many a time I have seen idiots using these on roads, causing danger to themselves and other road users. Just because the users are often old or disabled does not give them the right to the pavement over pedestrians.
[Xander Nicholls, Bournemouth, Dorset]

I witnessed one lady pensioner once nearly take out about four pedestrians at a pedestrian crossing because she had absolutely no control over the buggy she was driving. She was either stopped or at full speed, there seemed to be no in between! [Johanna, Cardiff]

These Hell's Grannies and Hell's Grandpas are a menace. They dawdle along the middle of a road, causing traffic congestion and frustrated car drivers. [Russell, Manchester]

Well! To all these wet blankets, I give notice right now that 20 years from now, I'll be on my F1 liveried, turbo-charged easy-rider with spoilers and extractors and I plan to hit 30mph, Jack, in the mall! And on my 200 megawatt quadro surround blaster, Nazareth will screech:

Well I know you're thinkin'

That the odds is on your side

But the first thing you gotta learn is

That it just don't come down to size

I can see the seeds of doubt

Begin to grow on your face

If you wanna back down now

You know that's no disgrace

Gonna go down fightin'

Gonna go down fightin'

Yo!

Grow old gracefully? That's for the birds!

Love the pedestrian hits notched into her flared wheel arch.

[douglas adams] one reason for his fame

It's always fraught to post another man's writing, especially when he is exceedingly well-known and has detractors as well as supporters.

Plus, the link where the text appeared seems now to be down. Think the spoilsports got to him.

Still, as this is possibly my favourite Adams excerpt, here goes:

Marvin and the gigantic heavy duty battle machine

Marvin stood at the end of the bridge corridor. He was not in fact a particularly small robot. His silver body gleamed in the dusty sunbeams and shook with the continual barrage which the building was still undergoing.

He did, however, look pitifully small as the gigantic black tank rolled to a halt in front of him. The tank examined him with a probe. The probe withdrew.

Marvin stood there.

"Out of my way little robot," growled the tank.

"I'm afraid," said Marvin, "that I've been left here to stop you."

The probe extended again for a quick recheck. It withdrew again.

"You? Stop me?" roared the tank. "Go on!"

"No, really I have," said Marvin simply.

"What are you armed with?" roared the tank in disbelief.

"Guess," said Marvin.

The tank's engines rumbled, its gears ground. Molecule-sized electronic relays deep in its micro-brain flipped backwards and forwards in consternation.

"Guess?" said the tank.

Zaphod and the as yet unnamed man lurched up one corridor, down a second and along a third. The building continued to rock and judder and this puzzled Zaphod. If they wanted to blow the building up, why was it taking so long?

With difficulty they reached one of a number of totally anonymous unmarked doors and heaved at it. With a sudden jolt it opened and they fell inside.

All this way, thought Zaphod, all this trouble, all this not- lying-on-the-beach-having-a-wonderful-time, and for what? A single chair, a single desk and a single dirty ashtray in an undecorated office. The desk, apart from a bit of dancing dust and single, revolutionary form of paper clip, was empty.

"Where," said Zaphod, "is Zarniwoop?" feeling that his already tenuous grasp of the point of this whole exercise was beginning to slip.

"He's on an intergalactic cruise," said the man.

Zaphod tried to size the man up. Earnest type, he thought, not a barrel of laughs. He probably apportioned a fair whack of his time to running up and down heaving corridors, breaking down doors and making cryptic remarks in empty offices.

"Let me introduce myself," the man said, "My name is Roosta, and this is my towel."

"Hello Roosta," said Zaphod.

"Hello, towel," he added as Roosta held out to him a rather nasty old flowery towel. Not knowing what to do with it, he shook it by the corner.

Outside the window, one of the huge slug-like, gunmetal-green spaceships growled past.

"Yes, go on," said Marvin to the huge battle machine, "you'll never guess."

"Errmmm ..." said the machine, vibrating with unaccustomed thought, "laser beams?"

Marvin shook his head solemnly.

"No," muttered the machine in its deep guttural rumble, "Too obvious. Anti-matter ray?" it hazarded.

"Far too obvious," admonished Marvin.

"Yes," grumbled the machine, somewhat abashed, "Er ... how about an electron ram?"

This was new to Marvin.

"What's that?" he said.

"One of these," said the machine with enthusiasm.

From its turret emerged a sharp prong which spat a single lethal blaze of light. Behind Marvin a wall roared and collapsed as a heap of dust. The dust billowed briefly, then settled.

"No," said Marvin, "not one of those."

"Good though, isn't it?"

"Very good," agreed Marvin.

"I know," said the Frogstar battle machine, after another moment's consideration, "you must have one of those new Xanthic Re-Structron Destabilized Zenon Emitters!"

"Nice, aren't they?" said Marvin.

"That's what you've got?" said the machine in considerable awe.

"No," said Marvin.

"Oh," said the machine, disappointed, "then it must be ..."

"You're thinking along the wrong lines," said Marvin, "You're failing to take into account something fairly basic in the relationship between men and robots."

"Er, I know," said the battle machine, "is it ..." it tailed off into thought again.

"Just think," urged Marvin, "they left me, an ordinary, menial robot, to stop you, a gigantic heavy-duty battle machine, whilst they ran off to save themselves. What do you think they would leave me with?"

"Oooh, er," muttered the machine in alarm, "something pretty damn devastating I should expect."

"Expect!" said Marvin, "oh yes, expect. I'll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with shall I@"

"Yes, alright," said the battle machine, bracing itself.

"Nothing," said Marvin.

There was a dangerous pause.

"Nothing?" roared the battle machine.

"Nothing at all," intoned Marvin dismally, "not an electronic sausage."

The machine heaved about with fury.

"Well, doesn't that just take the biscuit!" it roared, "Nothing, eh? Just don't think, do they?"

"And me," said Marvin in a soft low voice, "with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side."

"Makes you spit, doesn't it?"

"Yes," agreed Marvin with feeling.

"Hell that makes me angry," bellowed the machine, "think I'll smash that wall down!"

The electron ram stabbed out another searing blaze of light and took out the wall next to the machine.

"How do you think I feel?" said Marvin bitterly.

"Just ran off and left you, did they?" the machine thundered.

"Yes," said Marvin.

"I think I'll shoot down their bloody ceiling as well!" raged the tank.

It took out the ceiling of the bridge.

"That's very impressive," murmured Marvin.

"You ain't seeing nothing yet," promised the machine, "I can take out this floor too, no trouble!"

It took out the floor, too.

"Hell's bells!" the machine roared as it plummeted fifteen storeys and smashed itself to bits on the ground below.

"What a depressingly stupid machine," said Marvin and trudged away.

And in answer to the inevitable: "Aren't you worried about the copyright implications of posting text from what has clearly been an illegal and now deleted link?":

No, because it's an excerpt in "fair use", the effect of which can only be to direct new readers to Adams' work.

That's a bit different, I believe, to providing a complete set of online texts, though I'm grateful the guy did it.

The author himself

[business plans] mistakes to avoid

These things are all over the net but this is a summary of one of the best. If it seems facile and a bit Biz Admin 101, still, it's a handy reminder of the salient points.

As I'm currently involved in writing one of these, the advice is relevant to me:

Too Much Information

# Most investors have half dozen or so specific points that they look. Everything else just gets in the way so keep it to 25 pages.

# The purpose of your plan is not to impress the investor with the depth and extent of your knowledge but to focus on the key elements succinctly.

# If you have pages of information you must include, put them in the back as an addendum.

Hiding Weaknesses

# Effectively dealing with weaknesses is usually not addressed, on the grounds that what the investor doesn't know won't hurt him and anyway, we'll recover once the funds come in.

# That strategy doesn't work. Like a heat-seeking missile, if there is a weakness in your product, service or strategy, the savvy investor will find it within the first few minutes.

# Once this subterfuge is uncovered and it is obvious to everyone that you haven't been completely forthright, the next logical question is "what else haven't you told me." When you've lost this element of trust, you've lost the opportunity.

# The best way and really the only way of properly handling problems and weaknesses is to get then out in the open and to have a detailed and well thought out action plan that effectively addresses each problem.

Distribution Channels

# If you don’t have a thorough understanding of distribution, the portion of your plan that deals with channel strategies is fraught with potential landmines.

# How your product reaches the market is unquestionably one of the most important aspects. At all costs, resist the temptation to cover all bases by listing every imaginable channel possibility e.g. via Internet, catalogs, distributors, value added resellers, infomercials, wholesalers, direct mail, agents, direct field sales, telemarketing, retail outlets and - oh yes smoke signals in selected areas."

# This tells the investor is that you don't have a channel strategy.

Competitive Analysis

# The operative word here is "analysis." Listing the name and address of your competitors is NOT analysis.

# The investor wants to know what you know and expect to see from your competitors near term and longer term - their strategic direction, core competencies and what makes them tick.

# Knowing little or nothing about your competition is evidence that you haven't done your homework.

Legal Entanglements

# The time to address any potential legal problems is during the plan review. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you're not sure of potential legal issues:

• Was your product developed while you were employed somewhere else

• Are there potential employment contracts or non-compete conflicts

• Is there any possible patent infringement issues

• Are there any disgruntled former employee(s) who could sue your company

• Is there clear ownership of your product or service

# If you have doubts about any of the above questions, it's probably a good idea to have an attorney review and resolve the issue before you meet with an investor. You want to avoid surprises at all costs.

Assessment of Risks

# Risks are different to weaknesses in that they deal with the future and are normally outside your business.

# Are there market forces that could prevent your plan from being successful and if so, what are they?

# Possible impact of new technology, e-commerce, changes in consumer demand and a variety of other issues that could negatively impact your business should be investigated.

Financial Projections

# Can you answer the final question: "what data do you have to support these projections? Show me your analysis..."

# First, be prepared for this question because it will come up.

# There is a very strong correlation between the amount of research data that you have to support your projections and the likelihood of success in securing funding.

[From Daniel M. McGilvery, President of The Business Planning Institute ("BPI") . BPI provides professional business plan writing and review services. Contact BPI at 561-242-0429 or e-mail at info@bpiplans.com or visit our Web site at www.bpiplans.com]

[blogfocus wednesday] on wednesday, surprisingly

I think I can promise an entertaining read tomorrow evening [he chuckles to himself inanely]. Hope the day doesn't prove too boring either. Now how many of you actually read the religious post below? :)

[religions] defined or defiled by devotees

Warning: This is not only long but it's all on the front page - it doesn't continue onto another page. It attacks and defends aspects of all three monotheistic religions and is intended for moderates to read, not for fanatics. The fanatics will find cold comfort here.

How the train of thought began

My friendship with various Muslims, mainly women, teaches me that the most strident criticisms we read and hear in the west do not encompass the whole Muslim world, nor do they adequately address the way people go about their lives.

People in the west, ostensibly Christian, are concerned with job, money, house, car, travel, the football, home furnishings, nightclubbing, the opposite sex and so on and that's no different for the Muslims I know.

Foibles, yes, stubbornness, yes, misplaced ideas about everything we also have misplaced ideas about - there are the devout and the not so devout. I once asked a lady if she was religious; it was like a foreign element had been introduced:

"Well, yes, I'm Muslim. It's the religion of my family. What do you want? I love my country and wouldn't want to leave for any great length of time."

So, from this, I'm no closer to understanding why all the troubles around the world.

Fanaticism versus moderation

A Jewish Tale

In 1993 I was in a cottage in the north of England and knew the local school had been booked for a summer camp by a Jewish group. I saw a group of young people go by my window and they were in desultory conversation about this and that, nothing substantial, lots of laughter.

Then, from up the road, I heard shouting and the kids stopped and up to them came a man of about 30 in Chassidic gear and he started chanting and clapping his hands in the middle of the English countryside.

The kids started one or two at a time to join in and then in unison to shout songs in a sort of chant as they all went down the steep hill, the man passionately clapping, urging and whipping them into a frenzy, as I imagine the Druids might have done. He was walking first in front of them, then to the side, then to the other side, not unlike a dark sheepdog.

Judaic friends won't like me writing of this that but it happened and it was not isolated and it brought back memories of years earlier when I'd taught in an orthodox Jewish school. And therein lies the real issue, I think - Orthodoxy.

Fanatical Orthodoxy - unquestioning, unreasoning and I'm going to use another word here - rabid.

So where does that leave me? I am also Orthodox. I "know" that there is a trinity and that accepting the Word leads to undoubted happiness. I "know" this because I live it every day. I know there is a Comforter who comes in time of need. That makes me a very strange person, no?

But somehow I'm not into the happy clapping, the chanted verses and the mindless devotion and neither was JC himself. He warned people not to get into "vain repetitions" as they do at the temple nor to parade their religion. Just to quietly go about doing good [the good Samaritan] and thus the Christian ministry is well known by its fruits, good and bad.

It's the evangelical aspect which I'm most uncomfortable with. The whole notion of preaching it, as distinct from just simply presenting it, is anathema to me. It seems to me that it's far better to just go about your business doing what good you can and being tolerant of your neighbour and if the question arises, you can say what religion you are.

A Christian Tale

When I was a head teacher there were constant complaints coming to me about one particular new teacher and the substance was that she was preaching Christianity to the children. As a Christian myself, in Britain, an officially Christian country, I couldn't see what the problem was.

That was, until I paid a spot visit to her and was horrified. They were too young to be "converted" but she was having them sing hymns in the classroom in an arithmetic lesson and the thing which struck me was how vehement she was.

Rabid.

When we had a talk in my room later, she was intractable and chagrined that I, who considered myself a Christian, was not implementing Christian Sharia in the school. She left in high dudgeon, convinced I was working for the other side, the devil incarnate.

With such people, imposition, teaching, force, compulsion, total conviction which brooks no questioning voice, this is the daily bread and butter of their evangelism.

I want no part of it.

And so back to Islam

Clearly the secular Muslims, and they're the ones I know and like, are no different to you and me, except for certain observances during the year and we do that too. Big deal.

So where's the problem? The first problem is when a religion, first promulgated many centuries ago, is imposed by law in the current day and all the observances and outdated claptrap is also imposed by force.

Nothing wrong with the ideals themselves. Have you really, really read the Sermon on the Mount? The hardest words I can find there are:

"Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery in his heart".

Hmmm. Think I'm damned then, like Jimmy Carter or:

"Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for fornication, causeth her to commit adultery".

Or if you buy anything on a Sunday, you're causing those shopgirls, indirectly, to break the Sabbath. That's why I buy nothing on a Sunday.

These are hard sayings and what about:

"And if thine right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee."

Pretty violent, huh? So, do you see Christians walking up to people, offering them a dagger and saying: "OK, you know what to do."

The second problem is where a substantial, i.e. threatening minority, of one religion comes into a country where another religion and culture is the norm and attempts to spread, rather than just observing their faith in their own way. I include both Muslim and Christian here but strangely, not the Jews.

My Headmistress at the Jewish school I once taught asked me why I refused to wear the kippar in the synagogue. She asked if I thought she was trying to convert me and smiled:

"We have enough Jews to deal with at the moment, James. We don't need any more just now."

What could I say? I wore the kippar into the synagogue, just as I now take off my shoes and wear a cap in the mosque.

Some selections from scripture

In the ancient monotheistic religions, there are verses urging peace and mutual understanding and then there are … well, there are the others. It is these others which are seized on by the fanatics.

In the following, Red = Muslim, Green = Jewish and Purple = Christian:

"And slay them wherever ye catch them, and turn them out from where they have turned you out; for tumult and oppression are worse than slaughter; but fight them not at the Sacred Mosque, unless they first fight you there; but if they fight you, slay them." [Surah 2:190-193]

"The gentiles are outside the protection of the law and God has exposed their money to Israel." [Baba Kamma 37b]

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." [John 13:34]

"No two religions are to exist on the Arab peninsula." [Ibn Kathir d. 1372]

If a Jew is tempted to do evil he should go to a city where he is not known and do the evil there. [Moed Kattan 17a]

"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you." [John 15:12]

"Kill the disbelievers wherever we find them." [Surah 2:191]

"If a heathen (gentile) hits a Jew, the gentile must be killed." [Sanhedrin 58b]

"Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently." [1 Peter 1:22]

"Not to make friendship with Jews and Christians" [Surah 5:51]

"Gentile girls are in a state of niddah from birth." [Abodah Zarah 36b]

"And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another." [2 John 1:5]

"I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers: you smite them above their necks and smite all their fingertips off them." [Surah, 8:12]

"All gentile children are animals." [Yebamoth 98a]

"But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him." [Matthew 6: 7, 8]

"Fight and slay the Pagans, seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem" [Surah 9:5]

"Kill [even] the good among the gentiles." [R. Shimon ben Yochai]

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. [Ephesians 6: 12, 13]

"O Prophet! Make war against the unbelievers and the hypocrites and be merciless against them. Their home is hell, an evil refuge indeed." [Surah, 9:73]

"She who was the descendant of princes and governors played the harlot with carpenters." [Sanhedrin 106a] Referring to Mary.

And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. [Matthew 28: 18-20 - this one is disliked by the Jews and Muslims.]

"When we decide to destroy a population, we send a definite order to them who have the good things in life and yet sin. So that Allah's word is proven true against them, then we destroy them utterly." [Surah, 17:16-17]

Scriptural interpretations, esp. today

And in which way do the other two religions consider the third errs today?

Accusation against Israel

Ha'aretz, December 21, 1997; translated by Shabatai Zvi, by Gideon Levy:

Injustice leads to injustice and a sin leads to another. First, Israel murdered 1,346 Palestinians among whom were 276 children. Some of them were mere innocent passersby. And now, she is repudiating herself from the responsibility. The Intifada Law which is aimed at stifling the right of the Palestinians, victims of the Intifada, to receive some compensation from the state is going at an intense speed. Yitzhak Rabin started the initiative; Shimon Peres pushed it forward; and now Minister of Justice, Tsahi HaNagbi, delivered for its ethical basis when he said that law has an absolute ethical power.

Accusation against Christians

Dr. Trasta Breganka Kunha, a Catholic citizen of Goa writes, "In spite of all the mutilations and concealment of history, it remains an undoubted fact that religious conversion of Goans is due to methods of force adopted by the Portuguese to establish their rule. As a result of this violence the character of our people was destroyed. The propagation of Christian sect in Goa came about not by religious preaching but through the methods of violence and pressure. If any evidence is needed for this fact, we can obtain it through law books, orders and reports of the local rulers of that time and also from the most dependable documents of the Christian sect itself. [www. indpride. com/ portuguese %20 invasion.html]

Accusations against Muslims

Executions

Slaying unbelievers

Chopping off of hands

Honour killings

Infibulation - western view

Infibulation - Sudanese view

Janjaweed text and pictures

Algerian militias

Terrorism and Jihad - western view

Terrorism and Jihad - Muslim view

More moderate pleas for peace and reconciliation

Of course not everyone is a fanatic. Just a small minority who whip the others into a frenzy. I am currently corresponding with a Sudanese Muslim girl. The voice of reason can be heard in each of the religions. Here are some examples:

Jewish

"Our philosophy asserts that every human being is created in the image of the Lord and the primacy of integrity and honesty in all dealings without exception. I strongly repudiate any assertions in the name of Judaism that do not represent and reflect this philosophy." [Rabbi Malkiel Kotler, Dean of Lakewood Yeshiva, Dec. 16, 2003]

Muslim

"Of the five fingers that Almighty G-d has given most of us on each hand, if we point one at Israel and another at America, what are the three remaining fingers pointed at? Will we point at least one of them at ourselves? Can we dare to have that happen? And if not, why not? Usher in an era of reformation through introspection. Being a refusenik doesn't mean I refuse to be a Muslim; it simply means I refuse to join an army of automatons in the name of Allah." [Irshad Manji, Random House, Toronto]

Christian

"First, to address the apparently irreconcilable difference between how Christians have seen Muhammad's life - as a sinner's guide - and how Muslims see his life, as a noble example, Christians should read such biographies as Martin Lings' Muhammad, or Karen Armstrong's." [Clinton Bennett www. geocities. com/clintonbennett/ Lectures/Muhammad.htm]

Conclusions

I can only speak as a Christian but in the criticism of Christian missionaries by Dr. Trasta Breganka Kunha [above], I also see the woman I fired for her manner of evangelizing children in our school.

I can only conclude that when the more distasteful references in each of the scriptures are seized as justifications by people who are not completely calm and rational in their own general demeanour, for the purpose of either evangelism, exclusivity, killing or revenge, then that is contrary to the overall spirit of those scriptures.

In the Jewish school I worked in, my best friend was Rabbi Steven Levy and where could you hope to find a more rational, reasonable man? Here one of my best friends is a Muslim lady who is of a similar outlook. I've known some fine Christians and Humanists.

The world should be in the hands of such moderates, the calm and the open-minded but not the degenerate - people of recognized integrity, decency and moderation in their field.


Analogy

Look, it can all be explained by Krikkit. And what exactly is Krikkit, for those born in another galaxy who don't know?

After ten billion years, sentient life evolved on Krikkit, blissfully unaware of the concept of 'others'. Slowly nurtured by Hactar, the Krikkiters eventually discovered a universe beyond their sun, and since it conflicted with their concept of life, the universe and everything, they decided to get rid of it - the rest of the universe, that is.

In another part of Life, the Universe and Everything, Ford Prefect is holding forth:

Ford continued, picking up his early fierce momentum as best he could.

"The point is," he said, "that people like you and me, Slartibartfast, and Arthur - particularly and especially Arthur - are just dilletantes, eccentrics, layabouts, fartarounds if you like."

Slartibartfast frowned, partly in puzzlement and partly in umbrage. He started to speak.

"- ..." is as far as he got.

"We're not obsessed by anything, you see," insisted Ford.

"..."

"And that's the deciding factor. We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win."

"I care about lots of things," said Slartibartfast, his voice trembling partly with annoyance, but partly also with uncertainty.

"Such as?"

"Well," said the old man, "life, the Universe. Everything, really. Fjords."

"Would you die for them?"

"Fjords?" blinked Slartibartfast in surprise. "No."

"Well then."

"Wouldn't see the point, to be honest."

"And I still can't see the connection," said Arthur, "with whelks."

Ford could feel the conversation slipping out of his control, and refused to be sidetracked by anything at this point.

"The point is," he hissed, "that we are not obsessive people, and we don't stand a chance against ..."

"Except for your sudden obsession with whelks," pursued Arthur, "which I still haven't understood."

"Will you please leave whelks out of it?"

"I will if you will," said Arthur. "You brought the subject up."

"It was an error," said Ford, "forget them. The point is this."

He leant forward and rested his forehead on the tips of his fingers.

"What was I talking about?" he said wearily.

"Let's just go down to the party," said Slartibartfast, "for whatever reason." He stood up, shaking his head.

"I think that's what I was trying to say," said Ford.

By the way, that's a Christian Church being built in Doha here to the right.