Wednesday, May 06, 2009

[the kiss] a tragedy of boylean proportions

The question of Susan Boyle is a tragedy, to judge by every organ so far, except this blog, a tragedy which has transfixed the population now that Jade Goody has passed on.

Your humble blogger is at a loss for words. There are those who’ve probably come to terms with their lot, for whom the world of the opposite gender might not be a major priority in their lives and good luck to them.

For me it is a priority, I’ve never been one for the constant company of men, except in the gym where you don’t need the distraction of women and with one or two mates to have a bit of a laugh with. YHB just enjoys the company and the conversation of one woman at a time please, that’s where the true pleasure is and he could do this for hours and hours but anything further, of course, is another question.

That’s where Ms Boyle apparently finds herself and on sheer looks, the benchmark of the average punter, she doesn’t measure up [join our club], so she’s considering some sort of make-over but why a Demi Moore is beyond me -surely Ms Boyle would want to mimic someone she could look up to?

I’ve known some girls/women who’d pass for beautiful and they had their crosses to bear as well. In the public eye, Kylie is an example of this – a woman fishing in the wrong pool and coming up with piranhas every time [are piranhas ever found in pools?]. My own situation is that I’ve somehow found myself entangled on occasions, after a bit of groundwork surprisingly produced a result but I’m hanged if I detected anything remotely approaching ongoing love and my own cold heart might have had much to do with that.

In the hallway of our house, my life partner of an almost forgotten era once tried the word ‘darling’ on me for size, thought about it, decided nah, it doesn’t sit well and never bothered again - I remember the incident well. She wasn’t quite so reticent about calling me a bastard and a male whore [this latter has always puzzled your humble, celibate, faithful, virtually ineligible and near-virgin blogger] but there you go.

Ms Boyle says she’s never been kissed. That’s probably never been your own problem, dear reader and it’s not been mine but we all have our crosses to bear. My cross has always been that she, whatever the age, looks around to see no one is watching, then ‘allows’ herself to go with me, wonders afterwards how she could ever have allowed herself to do that but keeps returning to the well anyway for some time and so I’ve spent most of my life as the secret assignation but not one you can whisper about to your girlfriends. Alternatively, for light relief, some have been quite defiant about being with me.

Some people would settle for that but we always want what we can’t get, don’t we and some sort of stable relationship would have been nice. Like Simon and Garfunkel, I once heard the word ‘love’ and have forgotten what two affectionate arms around the neck feel like but then, when you think of Ms Boyle, it would be nice if two arms went around any part of her and two lips upon hers.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that we have our lot allocated to us, we’re physically what we are [a particular dear heart once looked up at me and asked, ‘Why can’t you be taller?’ to which I replied, ‘I want to kiss you, not pat you on the head’] and though we can train in the gym and watch what we eat, it doesn’t fully compensate for the person we project to others.

I’m not sure that a Demi Moore makeover would change much in Ms Boyle’s case – perhaps she just needs a bit more of the ‘come hither’ in her eye although done amateurishly, it could be counterproductive. Many years ago, one particularly dedikated miss, with a penchant for the colour green [she even wrote in that colour], spent forty minutes licking her lips and doing the heavy staring thing into the eyes, which only resulted in a bout of chuckling on my part.

I don’t know what to suggest to Ms Boyle. The critical test, of course, is to ask oneself, ‘Am I the man for the job?’ and if the answer is in the negative, then how can that be changed to an affirmative? What would have to take place first?

It’s a dilemma and may your own special dilemma also find a solution.


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3 comments:

UBERMOUTH said...

Wow, where to begin.

Susan Boyle has the voice, the charm and the wit that makes her beautiful on the inside,which is the only place people should be looking for true beauty. A bit dowdy is all she is,which a new suit and hairdo would take care fix. I think she's a catch.

James Higham- modest,moral,pious,intelligent,witty,kind,gentle,strength of character,old world charm,hopeless romantic,mysterious,exciting-how could you ,or anyone, not see you have it all,James?You truly do.It's the women you pick-not you.

CherryPie said...

You are always to hard on yourself!!

jams o donnell said...

Not even heard her sing James, just seen a few photos of her. It's easy to shut off when one is not interested!