Monday, June 04, 2007

[taking the p--s] smouldering anger

I'm a non-smoker and I'm angry. I'm sick of coughing my lungs out on a train which is why I drive now. However, this is not why I'm angry.

Very angry.

Let me steal from this brilliant piece by Jim Schembri, on public transport, and say:

"not fly-off-the-handle angry. This is focused, laser-guided angry - we are reasonable people pushed to that point of sheer exasperation which only the inefficiencies of our wretched, run-down, asinine, political system can push us."

It's a double-whammy, a double insult. First, the incomparable Reactionary Snob asks the question: "[Is this] The end of the humble fag break?" He goes on to explain:

Now it looks like our friends in Brussels have their overly litigious eyes on our doorways and expect those of us, who at the end of a hard day defending the innocent (or, indeed, the guilty) will have to go even further afield [for a fag].

Soon enough, we will have to stand in the middle of the street with a sign saying 'I will stub this fag out on my face if a non-smoker comes anywhere near me' hung around our necks.

As if that wasn't enough, on cue, RS's Google ads at the top of his sidebar launched into this:

Catch Smokers Lighting Up

Unique accurate method of catching smokers in the act of lighting up

They're seriously advertising technology to help you turn in a work colleague or friend for something he or she dearly needs at that point in time? What the f--k is this world coming to? Honestly!

You know what? I'm going to take up smoking. Yes I am.

I'm going to fly over to Edinburgh and light up a giant, one foot long joint in the middle of Princes Street and stuff them when they come for me. I'll blow smoke in their faces and knock 'em all out.

I'm angry!

UPDATE: Mutleythedog has just inspired me:

SMOKING IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

TAKE UP SMOKING - ITS COOL AND MAKES YOU LOOK MANLY*!

I DEMAND MY RIGHT TO COUGH AND SPLUTTER TO AN EARLY GRAVE!

Now come on over and arrest me! Illegal, my a-se, you non-comps!

*Apologies to the ladies for the unreconstructed non-inclusion there.

13 comments:

mutleythedog said...

Absolutely right. You will also witness the death of the British Pub - I reckon about 10% will close in the next few months. The problem is that there are hundreds of people employed to campaign against smoking and so they do! Beyond reasonable and fair controls - e.g bans of buses and trains to madder and madder controls. Believe me- this is not the end of it! It will go further and further and further. Post a picture of a warning free fag packet as I have done a few posts back and see if anyone arrests you. It is illegal. As is this "TAKE UP SMOKING - ITS COOL AND MAKES YOU LOOK MANLY" I just committed a "speech crime"....

Wolfie said...

What is really amusing about this ridiculous legislation is how preposterous it is claiming that its for our health as lorries, taxis and busses rumble past in close proximity filling the air with choking toxic fumes. Recently I've been campaigning about a heliport near my home which is making an impossible noise and dumping the foul stench of aviation fuel and carbon monoxide into my living-room with almost every take-off.

Not making much headway on that but they want to stop me having a fag!? Its just incredible, the hypocrisy.

Heather Yaxley said...

I have never smoked - never wanted to and actually do prefer pubs where I don't come home stinking of stale cigarette smoke.

However, I agree with the sentiments here regarding criminalising what is actually in itself a legal activity. I fear that those who have successfully championed a "ban it" campaign here, will encourage others so it is anti-driving, anti-drinking and so on to come.

As so many smokers are complicit in being forced to give up - the momentum will continue.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Thank's for standing up for smokers, James.
I do feel we are being treated like lepers in the new legislation.

My local is renowned for being smoky- It's very much a football pub. But because it's renowned, those who don't like smoke, don't go there.

btw, your choice of picture suggests you support tolerance on all forms of smoking. Glad to see you with me on this.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

You've made me laugh but you know I'm going to disagree, don't you? My way of unwinding is to have a g and t but no one would have tolerated that on work premises or in a corporate doorway. So I left it till I came home. In the FE college where I worked, which was totally non-smoking, you had to walk through a smog of smoke around the entrance and it was very unpleasant. It is high time the smoking ban was implemented in the UK. We've had in Italy for over 2 years and it is generally respected.

Winfred Mann said...

I started smoking cigarettes at 12, and interestingly, it took me 12 years to stop this suicidal, homicidal habit. The tobacco companies are guilty of killing people, one my mother, the other my sister, who both died of cigarette induced lung cancer.

Cigarette smoking kills 435,000 people in the U.S. yearly, and the most recent estimates show that around 114,000 people in the UK are killed by smoking every year, accounting for one fifth of all UK deaths. There are "0" deaths per year from marijuanas in the U.S.

Smoke on if you choose, but don't blow the smoke in my direction, and don't be upset if you are classified as a junkie, just like all other drug addicts.

WM

jmb said...

I have to weigh in on the non smoking side here with a demand for a smoke free work environment. So that means anyone who works in a pub or restaurant has that right as far as I'm concerned. So to the great outdoors the smokers must go.
It seems to be working here and none of the pubs or bars have closed since they too were included in the non-smoking areas.
I think it is extreme to turn people in but I have been known to ask people to not smoke when they have been doing so in an illegal situation. Although it hasn't been necessary for a very long time now.
Enjoy your rant?

mutterings and meanderings said...

I stopped smoking a year ago but am totally and utterly against this stupid ban.

What will be banned next? Breathing? Will we be charged for our own little oxygen canisters to carry around with us?

I am SICK of the nanny state.

james higham said...

Ladies and gentlemen, espeically Winfred, you do realize, don't you, that I'm a non-smoker.

Further, my father died of smoking related illness and my beginnings of bronchitis stem from this.

This post was about legislating people's lives away.

Winfred Mann said...

The State legislate away many other rights, why is this addictive drug (nicotine) exempt from it? There is not only the addictive aspects of smoking tobacco, the most addictive drug in the world, there are the associated health care costs that go along with treating the lung diseases and cancers it promotes.

If the State is going to allow people to smoke, then realistically the public should be allowed to choose to use heroin and cocaine. Only 17,000 people die from these two drugs in America annually, far less then the 435,000 that die from cigarettes.

Isn't it absurd that one be legal and the others not? I mean if it's a rights issue, why not legalise them all?

WM

Colin Campbell said...

South Australia is well on the way with this. Smoking banned in parts of the pub. Is this not similar to banning smoking in part of a plane? Last week, smoking with kids under 16 in the car was banned. Soon plans to ban smoking at home with kids.

It is this backward deprivation of rights that James highlights that is intrusively making its way into our daily lives that we should worry about, not dying of cancer. There is plenty time for that.

Not Saussure said...

JMB demands a smoke-free work environment. Fair enough; myself, I demand a work environment where I don't have to deal with drunks an where I'm not assailed by loud music, I'm not on my feet all the time and I don't have to work evenings. For that reason, I don't think working in a pub would particularly suit me.

What's the objection to having both smoking and non-smoking pubs and restaurants? That way, both customers and staff can take their choice.

james higham said...

NSS - sounds reasonable to me.