[decency] an issue of style

Chivalry is not always decency - witness Guinevere

It’s interesting that, while decency appears to be the new norm in dealings between agencies, firms and the public – inclusiveness, non-abuse policies etc. - it seems to have departed in interpersonal relations.

Our local council is whatever you want to say about it but I observed, in officers’ dealings with the public, if not compassion, then at least a willingness to help out. It was pretty impressive to see, as I waited on the comfortable couch, how each new enquirer was dealt with.

If only that could permeate the sphere of how we deal with each other. Regular readers are well aware of this blog’s promotion of chivalry as a mode of behaviour towards one another but I admit I’ve failed to be chivalrous in the past to people who act indecently themselves and indulge in unmitigated lying to save their butts – witness the events of last year.

I should have lived up to my own ideals and just let it go most like.

What is decency?

For a start, it’s not being a stern moralist who would snuff the very lifeblood out of enjoyment. I look at the hymn writer in the pic to the right [possibly William Kethe] and though it might be doing the man a disservice, I shouldn’t have liked to have to operated under his stern gaze the whole time. He might have been the kindest and most compassionate of men but I simply can’t live up to his ideals. Somerset Maugham’s Rain touched on the issue too.

Brrrr!

On the other hand, I’m at odds with today’s world where you’re in a shopping arcade, say, and all you hear is constant stream of bile coming out of the mouths of kids, especially the girls who are trying to be every bit as bad as the boys and this is their way to find acceptance. That sort of thing can be seen in the antics of bloggers like John Edwards’ harpies and Britbloggers like Caroline Hunt. I mean, those things are just low.

A lady I admire recently said she was going to grow old disgracefully but it’s important to discern the difference between what she means and lowlife gutter antics.

Decency, to me, is not a moral issue but an issue of style. A much admired phrase of the Brits and one I’ve used negatively quite often is ‘the triumph of style over substance’.

Now I’m not so sure.

In a rugby analogy, one can admire the sheer danger posed by the disciplined, gritty Englishman, which will win more games when conditions are bad but to watch – give me the freeflowing style of the Aussies, New Zealanders or Barbars please.



There’s nothing wrong with style as long as it’s based on substance. I ask where either the substance or the style is in today’s devil’s children? They’re so enamoured of fashion but where’s their own personal style?

In my landlord days, I had to throw out a couple of tenants who’d trashed the house and after cleaning up the ordure and repairing the infrastructure, one letter which stayed in my mind, amongst the unpaid bills and final demands, was a circular from the “Young Sophisticates Club’.

Sigh.

The problem is, if you take decency to mean that we should all strut around like lords and ladies, making chivalrous gestures, this is not what I’m driving at.

What about sex?

Within the personal space of two people, there are three basic orifices and I see no problem with that, nor could I bring myself to be upset by the thought of two women exploring the possibilities. Don’t ask about the other because I was traumatized by men as a child and find that disgusting.

But even in the middle of quite anatomical congress with your partner, you can still be decent, in the sense of celebrating and revering her, even if your actual physical deeds are only one step up from animal rutting.

Decent wags?

I mean, carnal knowledge is meant to be that, isn’t it – knowledge? Surely it’s your duty to take time to explore, as Leonard Cohen wrote, ‘those holy hills, that deep ravine’. The notion of coition as a means of getting your quota, rolling off and falling asleep is a cop out as far as I’m concerned.

What a waste of good rutting time – after all, you do have until the dawn. Besides, there’s a challenge in getting her over the line, a challenge to your ingenuity. Don’t get me wrong - wham bam, thank you ma’am is fine in the sense that you have to use a bit of the old steam train, women expect no less but you can still still do that and be at least sentient, monitoring to see that she’s OK along the way.

That’s what I mean by decency.

Swearblogging

Hey, just because I don’t go in for it myself, except to punctuate a particular point, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its place. The crime is when it supplants style and doesn’t serve any literary purpose.

We keep coming back to style.

That’s the chief crime of today’s age – the assault on style in the scramble for Procrustean mediocrity. And in my eyes, this is very closely interwoven with the concept of decency.