This is the type I feel this evening and yet it is at odds with the mood in RL. Actually I've had two successes in the past two days and am right chuffed about that, as the pieces start to fall into place. So in terms of general mood, everything is hunky dory.
The problem is that I have seen three emails in that same time which show what can only be called the treachery of friends. The last post on the matter mentioned this. My friend said tonight and he's not one to mince words, that I am a "guppie being slowly encircled by sharks who are moving in for the kill".
Now I don't know if that is so but I know I am incensed by one particular email tonight which spoke of my "imagined version" of events at Blogpower. Sorry - I think you mean the chronological order of events as they occurred, don't you, which has nothing whatsoever to do with "interpretation"?
It goes on to ask why I, as admin, who called for someone's expulsion at BP for publishing a private email not his own, should now be publishing private emails myself. So let's look at this email from the previous post:
Now perhaps I'm completely wrong but it seems to me that posting this fragment, related directly to me, is a teensy weensy bit different from publishing a whole damned email of someone else's in a group mailing list. I was then accused of being dictatorial for insisting on his expulsion. Then I was accused of being wishy-washy. Now which one was it?"In fact James carried on as if nothing had happened in one way, visiting us and commenting, as we did too ... it was all just so bizarre."
The best one of all was the question of why am I stirring all this up now. That's a real corker, that question. Let me answer it please. Have you seen, in the past two months or even earlier, any reference to this sort of subject matter on this blog? Has any reader on this blog seen a post like this current one from me, in this mood and using this strength of language? Does any reader think that my usual blog persona is that of an "angry-blogger" like, say, DK?
Of course not.
So why then would I suddenly burst out with all this, out of the blue so to speak? Wouldn't it be more intelligent to conclude that there might be the tiniest little bit of provocation behind it? Actually, what there was was a litany of untruths and distortions about events and the reasons behind them. Worse though were assumptions of guilt on my part and assumptions of innocence on the part of the one who was accused. It is the assumptions by "friends" which is the most galling.
As someone else emailed me this evening, a true friend: "People who do these things are not your friends."
So we come to the statement that I tried to ride into Blogpower as a great king [see that motif again] and take it over again. Makes a good story but it actually happened like this: I was approached about coming back to BP. After all, I'd made peace with everyone and we seemed to be back on an even keel. Yes, I replied, just as soon as that person who should have been thrown out is thrown out. The reply came back to me that that would be a very long time. Next there was a post on their mailing list that I had tried to dictate to them from outside BP who could and couldn't be a member.
[UPDATE October 11th: Blogpower have taken issue with the last sentence in the last paragraph here in particular. The "post" was a message put up by Matt Wardman at the time and others concurred. It gave the impression as I've just stated and Matt further commented along the lines of,"It's just James sh-- stirring again." I saw this message but not being in BP now, I can't say what would have happened to it. Of course it may have been removed by now.]
Sorry, there was just the one. Just one.
Someone else wrote to me about an hour ago [this thing's like an iceberg] that "you shouldn't worry about them as you have support you don't even realize in the blogosphere." To that, my friend has just answered: "You do at the moment but they're clearly doing their level best to undermine that."
"Should I have posted nothing?" I asked.
"You're damned if you do, you're dead if you don't."
Better to be damned. I'm guilty all right - of sweeping the injustice done on me under the carpet. Bizarre, eh? Well, I'm now sick to death of the assumptions, the distortions and the lies. It may be the end of nourishing obscurity as we know it, it may not. But one thing runs through the mind:
"Publish and be damned."