Friday, May 01, 2009

[bank holiday weekend] sun's out for now


The day started out superbly, the sun was shining and as I popped into my favourite caf in a town not far from here, the sun broke out and the tattooed girl said, 'Smashing day,' which made my heart sing and so I replied, 'It's going to rain - bank holiday weekend you know.'

'S'pose you're right,' she sighed. She made a further comment in the local dialect which I didn't catch but replied anyway, 'Yeah, for a while anyway,' at which she looked at me strangely and said, 'There's a funeral, like.'

Spinning round, I could see through the window that there was a funeral at the local catholic church, a bloody big funeral with hundreds of people. 'What's it all about then?'

'Doan know, do I? I got me spy over there now.'

Her mother came back and reported it was some local bouncer called Steve Fromme, aged 55 and he'd croaked it. The cleaner came past and said to me, 'You're real friendly like. I like friendly people,' at which I replied, 'Life's too short, innit?'

I swear it's true that 'What a wonderful day' was being piped through the tannoys at that moment.

With joy in the heart and the sun still out, next stop was the bank where the lady in front had to dash off for something and when she came back, she put herself at the back of the queue. 'What are you doing then?' I asked, 'Come on, I've saved this spot for you,' checking with the old guy behind me who said, 'I've got plenty of time today.'

Now these are the sorts of things which make you want to live in Britain. It is friendly up this way, the living is civilized, even for socio-economic E2s like me and it was in that spirit that I cycled back home to collect this letter from the letterbox [and I quote]:

Dear Owner/Occupier

You have not responded to our recent warning that your address is scheduled to receive an enforcement visit. So as your address remains unlicensed, it is now included on the list of unlicensed properties to be visited this month by the North Wales enforcement team.

Using TV receiving equipment to watch or record television programmes without a valid licence is against the law. If my officers suspect that an offence has taken place at your address, you may be cautioned and interviewed in compliance with the Police and Criminal Evidence Act, 1984 or Scottish criminal law. This interview may then be used for the purposes of prosecution.

You could avoid this visit, interview and any consequent legal action [including a court appearance and a fine of up to £1000] if you buy a TV licence now. YOU MUST NOT IGNORE THIS LETTER. If you watch or record TV at this address, you need a TV licence.

Yours faithfully,
John Robinson
TV Licensing Enforcement Manager

Welcome to the Bank Holiday weekend. I neither have a TV nor have any intention of purchasing or renting one. My computer does everything I need but thanks, Mr. Robinson for your compassionate customer relations technique.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend anyway.

12 comments:

  1. We've had lots of letters like that at church. I've written back saying we don't watch or record television but they don't listen.

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  2. James,

    Sorry but you need a TV licence for your pc is you have a video card thing that allows you to watch videos or tv on it.

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  3. Not to be snotty or anything, as you know I am NOT,but don't let the Northern dialect/accent rub off on you,PLEASE!

    You really don't want to be picking up that patois.You speak so beautifully,James. Don't lose that.

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  4. See? Northerners can say that to Southerners,but we can't say anything!
    Reverse classism.

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  5. Any particular reason for the pic of South Queensferry other than it's a nice photo.

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  6. How sweet of the North Wales Enforcement Team to threaten you with Scottish criminal law. You should offer to take them up on it.

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  7. Be careful James, Make sure they can't prove you've been using the iPlayer.

    Get a good registry cleaner.

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  8. Ahh they still send those out do they?

    I used to keep getting them when I didn't have a telly!

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  9. I thought you lived in the former Soviet Union?

    That doesn't look very "former" to me.

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  10. Ignore the letter. As Liz rightly says even if you went to the time and effort of responding (which you're not obliged to do, despite what they tell you) they'd only ignore you anyway.

    Using the iPlayer in most circumstances doesn't need a licence. A licence is only needed if you watch or record 'as live' tv broadcasts.

    Much more info on my blog.

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  11. Thanks for the advice, folks. It's taken me till Monday to see the comments but thanks.

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