Sunday, October 26, 2008

[bag] from teabags to spaceships

If you drink copious amounts of tea, to the extent that you become known as Bag, then you will probably need to go a little more than the average mortal:

Maybe I'm not thinking right but I don't see what the big deal is about needing to go. Everyone has been caught short at some time. I have a really boring meeting every Monday where it regularly happens to me. What is the big deal?

Actually, Bag is not his real name. I'm now going to out him by announcing the:

Very Sir Lord Bag the Gnomic of Piddletrenthide Under Booth

When not covering vital issues like the Sudanese man forced to marry a goat [how many have done that] Bag presents his version of time travel:

I've done the normal trick of traveling from my home to Leeds, transit time 3H 15M. Travel home transit time 1H 25M. Don't ask me why that is common. Although the average for the outgoing journey is 2H 15M. Every time it is like that. There are a few roadworks springing up now so soon we will be plus 3H every trip. I can't wait.

Speaking of things SF, he contacted me with the news that the essential problem with my novels was that there weren't any spaceships in them. "Get some of those big, black, shiny buggers in there," he informed me and your books will take off.

Bag wonders why the good ships are always dull, grungy, slow and outdated while the enemy ships are always sleek, beautiful and displaying the latest in cutting edge technology. the goodies need to get their act together, it seems.

Because of this and other thinking, some have even accused Bag of plain common sense, to which he takes issue:

People are always talking about "common sense" but from what I see, there's nothing common about it at all.

An example of loopy public thinking:

Was sitting at traffic lights and across my view came a bus with the words 'You can't beat a bus' on it as part of a logo. On the advertisement underneath was a petrol guzzling 4x4. No hint of irony there then and the power of money at work.

Perhaps there's Scottish blood in Bag:

Although I was born in Scotland I have lived in England so long I don't have solid ties with Scotland itself. Although I still have family ties as most of my non-immediate relatives still live there. I've always considered myself a child of the UK and referred to myself as British. Perhaps because of my very background.

I suspect most people will identify with Bag' post on the fascistic antics of the current government:

Why don't they just tattoo us on the forehead and get it over with? Now will someone let me know where I can buy these latex fingertips to give myself false prints. Jeez, It's really hard to believe I'm law abiding1, I've got no criminal record, yet. Although I do do a few risky things. For example, I blog, I've eaten at McDonalds and I drive. All subversive tendencies so I'm bound to get nicked one day.

He can often be found around Second Life in his black and vermillion cape:

Well, Spent a bit of the day in Second Life today while the BlogPower awards preparations have been going on. Tom Paine from Last Ditch has invested a significant amount of time and effort to make sure everything is up and running and needs to be congratulated. I, of course, have played around setting off fireworks and getting people drunk.

Any possible doubts about Bag's sexuality could probably be put to rest by this:

I wonder if she looks like Nora Batty in real life. I can't complain - she was pleasant enough and my avatar isn't short, tubby and bald. I also chatted to a boxer. It seems that your SL character can build up strength, stamina and speed by going to the gym.

She took me to her gym to show me around and had a wrestling match with her instructor as a demonstration. Unbelievably, it seems that they hold matches in SL where when you are a certain skill level you can get paid. They also have people in shooting competitions, sword fighting, car racing..... There is lots in there.

On the downside you can have neighbours like Tom who set up a derelict flats with sewage, dumped cars and general rubbish to make an eyesore for the awards and put pressure on him. Just goes to show it really is a slice of life.

Perhaps Bag's blog should be renamed: "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Now, sadly, he has gone into hiatus and posts on clay pigeon shooting, blowing up parliament and big, black, shiny spaceships must await another day when he returns through the wormhole.


Colin Campbell said...

We await the return of the always caustically entertaining Mr Bag. I first got to know him in Second Life, where he had embraced an alternative reality with a sense of quirky enthusiasm.

I liked that and I like his blog, skewering those who deserved to skewered. Come back Mr Bag.


I could take him in an arm wrestle.:)

James Higham said...

Colin - yes.

Uber - mind boggles.