[airports] the issues today

Short post on airports. Ian Appleby replies in a post:

But really there's no joy in flying at all, these days. I was 15 the first time I got on a plane, and I can still remember the excitement. For many years I could tell you instantly how many times I had been on a plane.

I had bought into the fantasy of the champagne glasses and cigars of some 1930s golden age hook, line and sinker. I've done two trips already this year, and frankly just now I think you'd have to pay me to get on a plane again.

Shuffling round in long lines in your stockinged feet with one hand holding your kecks up because your belt will set off the metal detector and the other hand clutching that ridiculous plastic bag with your squeeze of toothpaste in - when there was clearly no substance to the liquid bomb plot anyway - just to perpetuate some illusion that there is some sort of war on, what a farce.

That man can write. There's one other issue in particular which needs immediate resolution before I fly again - bag-nav throughputting and the café latte:



I was at Terminal 2, being farewelled by my SIG-OTH, sipping at our final CAF-LAT when, over the tannoy, following the obligatory ringtones, a young lady's sing song voice quelled the hubbub of terminal conversation:

"Ladies and gentlemen, from check-in to baggage reclaim, tens of millions of passengers entrust their belongings to ALSTEC's baggage handling systems at Heathrow Terminals 1, 2 & 3 and Gatwick North Terminal in the UK and at many other international airports."

It was time to check in. The smartly uniformed cynosure of all eyes went through her routine, then added:

"Do you trust ALSTEC or BAGLOSS?"

"Er … ALSTEC."

"Fine. Because much of ALSTEC's success can be attributed to innovation both in system design and equipment. The latest evidence of this is ALSTEC's low maintenance linear drive carousel, which is setting the standard in terms of performance."

"It carries the bags in a line, in other words?"

"Sir, the screening of all hold baggage presents problems in terms of maintaining levels of throughput within the baggage handling system. ALSTEC has solved these problems, with proven 100% HBS systems where there is no significant impact on passenger throughput. Have a happy throughput".

"Er … thanks."

Tearfully, my SIG-OTH disappeared down the concourse and I went through. Four hours later, at the other end of the longhaul, the cheerful Customs and Immigration official perkily asked:

"How was your throughput, Mr. Higham?"

"Fine thanks."

"That's due to the proven HBS and BAG-NAV."

"BAG-NAV?"

"Originally developed for London Heathrow, the world’s busiest international airport, BAG-NAV is arguably the most advanced baggage handling system control and management software suite available today."

"Suite?"

"BAG-NAV brings together all parts of the baggage handling process into a single easy to interpret and manage system. Would you care to hear the listed Benefits:

* No delays at check-in
* Bag screening remote from passengers
* No bottleneck in baggage handling system

… you can stop me at any time, sir, by kissing me just … here."

I tickled the tonsils of this Snoggable-Nubile-Official [Govt.], she sighed and the clunk of stamp on passport was all that disturbed the heady atmosphere of terminal bliss.

"Have a happy perambulatory TRIP-BIZ in our country, sir. Next! Hello sir. BAG-NAV brings together all parts of the …"

Throughputting via the green channel, I reflected that I'd completely forgotten to ask her about Babcock continuing its successful strategy of acquiring and developing technically sophisticated businesses in growing infrastructure and asset management markets, plus the acquisition, on a debt free basis, of Alstec Group Limited for a net cash consideration of £44.9 million, funded from existing banking facilities.

I sighed.

Due to the down-modem software support to facilities management with a team of engineers permanently on site to operate and maintain the facility, it had all gone too swiftly and I'd been whisked away from my new IMMIG-DEPT-LOVE, perhaps terminally.

And yet I could also breathe a sigh of relief, to be honest because the 5 Level Whetstone Scanning Device [SCAN-DEV-WHET] had 100% overlooked my second heart and the keys to the TAR-DIS.