Sunday, January 27, 2008

[medical advice] mousemedicine

Think Mousie's going to be struck off for this gratuitous advice:

* If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Hey Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

* If you suffer with high blood pressure, simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

* If you have an irritating cold, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough or sneeze.

* Contact lens wearers: keep your eyes snug and warm this winter by adding a few drops of chilli sauce to your cleaning solution.

For more of these helpful hints and the very best medical advice, Mousie provides over at his place.

3 comments:

Liz said...

You only need to have given birth to be afraid to cough or sneeze.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I didn't know you could choke on an ice cube - I'll be more careful when downing my g & t.

jmb said...

Er, Mousie is a female you know James. I never thought you would make that mistake.