Saturday, May 05, 2007

[blogfocus saturday] shy, sensitive young men

This evening we Focus on those shy, often misunderstood denizens of the blogosphere, the self-effacing young straplings of sensitivity whose gossamer light prose splashes, as spitting rain, on the highways and byways of cyberspace.

Dedicated to the example set by Saint DK, author of "Communicating with your fists", here then are eight items of elegance:

1 The verbose Theo Spark refers the ephemeral leader-in-waiting to the wisdom of ages:

Dear Gordo...

...this is a paddle. You are going to need it.

2 On the other side of the pond, the Limbaugh influenced Jon Swift touches on the difficult topic of young ladies of the night:

Franke-Ruta's efforts to throw more pornographers and consumers of pornography in jail and make our young women less wild has been criticized by a few libertines like Ezra Klein, but I don't think she goes far enough. Can a girl of 21 really know what she is consenting to when she signs a release form for a pornographer? Does she really understand what the ramifications might be later in life? That is why I propose that we raise the minimum age of consent to participate in pornography to 65.

3 Drivers of Triumph Toledos are not to be gaffawed at. They are to be humoured. Mutley, please:

On the way home from work my car ( A Triumph Toledo) suddenly stopped moving as the engine ceased to work. I managed to get over to the side of the road into a field and put on my hazard lights, then I called the AA. I hoped for some minor pleasure in meeting a uniformed and manly car mechanic – but it was not be . The AA man was not twinkly, slim, fit and virile as it claimed in the adverts - he looked like Supermario and smelled of onions.

He fiddled round the car for a while as people drove past pointing and laughing and then said “When did you last petrol in this heap of junk?” (!!!) “I always re-fill my tank when I reach the red line !” I said stiffly, I did not like his attitude.

4 The Flying Rodent takes his first small steps in live-election-casting:

Like many others, I thought I'd try my hand at my first ever "Live-blogging" post.

Hopefully I can shed some light on a confusing situation, I'll post updates as the night goes on.

10:00 pm: Okay, a good solid start to the coverage. The country music theme is a bit odd, but I gather retro is all the rage at the moment.

Ooops, the presenter is on. Back in a minute.

10:05 pm: Okay, I'm not that politically aware, but I think I've sussed out that the First Minister is the tall, craggy guy. I'm assuming that the goofy looking guy in the cap must be some kind of party functionary.

10:09 pm: I know it's presumptuous, but I reckon that the Scottish people wouldn't mind if our elected leader shelled out for an official car or something. It's undignified for the FM to be bumming around in a flatbed truck.

5 Soft and adorable, a cute, cuddly kitten, Newmania finds thoughts flitting across his mind which surely all of us have experienced at some time or other:

Something I have sometimes wondered is what I would have done if I was in Germany when Hitler was coming to power. Would I have resisted , would I have been an enthusiastic Party member? Of course you can be too literal about it and start talking about how you have been a different sort of person but the sort of questions I am thinking are these.

1 I hate socialism and would I have hated them so much as to have been prepared to ally with anyone?

2 Would my inability to agree with anyone have triumphed over my fond regard for uniforms and sneaky admiration for the human spirit in action, at war.

3 Would the patriotism I possess have been able to define itself away from the vision of the country that was prevalent.

4 Would the dangerous romantic appeal of fascism have infected me?

5 What about the legendary magnetism of the man himself.

6 From Mr. Eugenides' pre-live-election-casting phase, this moment for quiet reflection on the Blair years, if you please:

Exam pass rates continue their giddy rise year on year, and there may for the first time be an all-English Champions League final this year. (Thank Labour supporter Sir Alex Ferguson for that: him, and the EU: for without free movement of people, how else could Argentina's Gabriel Heinze and the Ivory Coast's Didier Drogba ply their trade in our leagues?) Your whites wash whiter, your beer is foamier, and I can't be the only one, surely, who's noticed that the quality and duration of our orgasms is at an all-time high. [Though in my case, still self-administered: some things haven't changed.]

7 If one more blogger blogs about the British local elections, I'm going to strangle him at birth, Hopefully, Reactionary Snob's piece here is the last we'll see of this election excrescence for at least two more Nu-Labour filled years:

Well, it looks as if the bastards are out and have been replaced by another shower of bastards. One upside to all this, I suppose, is whatever you say about Salmond (and I've said rather a lot) is that he is, in just about every way, leagues and leagues ahead of McConnell.

It is a historic result. For almost my entire life, this small land heady with the reek of socialism has been dominated by Labour. An elite has formed - largely Glasgow University educated, largely from North Lanarkshire (or failing that Paisley). This elite forms a substantial chunk of the political wing of the 'Scottish Raj' in London.

8 The Abluted One has returned yet again to inflict an entirely uncalled for account of his life of luxury on the high seas on the unsuspecting paupers of the blogosphere, namely me:

Mrs. Ablution and I, having committed the heinous sin of air travel to New York, felt that to return via ocean liner might to some extent compensate for our injudicious carbon expenditure, and were willing to make the sacrifice - at whatever the cost.

The ship was both comfortable and impressive, the food and drink (usually) excellent, the sleeping like that in the womb, and the service (in most cases) pleasantly and professionally rendered. The only real disappointment lay with our fellow passengers, who seemed not to take the Cunard tradition of elegance of manner and attire entirely to heart. Friends speculate that the era of refinement on the seas is well and truly dead.

Don't despair - I'm sure I'll overcome my lethargy over the course of this week.

So, they return to their cocoons and I hope to see you all again on Tuesday evening. Bye for now.

[america's cup update] challenge phase

Current standings in the Louis Vuiton Cup, to decide the challenger to meet Alinghi [Switzerland] in the playoff:

1 USA 31

1 ITA 31

3 NZL 30

4 ESP 27

5 SWE 22

6 ITA 20

7 RSA 16

8 FRA 13

9 ITA 6

10 GER 5

11 CHN 3

Racing is taking place off Valencia. Latest news is that France is now eliminated. You can read that here.

[saturday quiz] for literature buffs

1 Eye for eye, tooth for tooth. What follows?

2 Jane Austen had five brothers but only one sister. What was her name?

3 For which Ministry did Winston Smith work in 1984?

4 Bob Kane died on November 3rd 1998. Which character, who had a well-known sidekick, was he best known for?

5 Which American poet was brought back from Italy to the US in a cage in 1945?

6 Which poet married another poet and died by her own hand in 1963?

7 " To err is human: to forgive divine." Who wrote it?

8 Which Bennett daughter married Bingley - Kitty, Mary, Jane, Lydia, Elizabeth or Penny?

9 With which London based poet did Groucho Marx correspond?

10 Who wrote The Twits?

Answers here.

[know thy blogger] inaugural quiz

First in a new series, challenging the sphere to recognize their own. Which bloggers are being described below?

1] Prez with a site, kisses old lady's hands

2] Won a blog award and swears by Rush Limbaugh

3] Foxy lady, called Me-So by Vox Day, huge readership

4] Uber-blogger, Jack Russell owner, his header changes colours

5] Husband and wife team, 910 group, Swedish guest blogger

6] Despises the blogosphere, writes for the MSM

7] Euston writing cricket tourist

8] Transatlanticist, one of the founding fathers of the blogosphere and heavy on literature

9] Swearmaster, blood red, UKIP

10] Knows economics, obvious or trivial except ...

Answers here.

[lucia celeste molina sierra] and those pesky immigration laws

Velkomin, Lucia Celeste Molina Sierra

You remember, of course, that matter I rushed to you some time ago, about the Minister's son's girlfriend? Well, there've been startling developments:

Gudjón Ólafur Jónsson, an MP and a member of the parliament’s General Committee, announced yesterday that neither he nor other members of the committee had been pressured to grant Icelandic citizenship to a Central American woman, whose boyfriend’s mother is Jónína Bjartmarz, Iceland’s Minister for the Environment.

“I was very lucky and I know that I can become a good Icelandic citizen because I am educated and hard-working,” Lucia Celeste Molina Sierra, the woman in question told Sirkus, a Fréttabladid supplement.

That's lovely, Lucy and this ongoing pesky controversy must seem a trifle provincial to you, I suppose. And with a fabulous name like yours, I should think they would have granted you citizenship straight away. However, there'll always be sticklers for the law, I suppose and to them, we say:

En hver lak þessu máli? Þar er einn líklegastur og það er Guðjón Ólafur. Hann er líkleg búinn að reikna dæmið þannig að eftir kosningar þá verði Jón ekki lengi formaður. Þá standa eftir forystumenn í Rvk hann og JB, þetta mál veikir Jónínu verulega.
Hope that clears the matter up, for once and for all. Now, in other cutting edge news from Iceland:

The Capital Region Police were called to the pond in central Reykjavík on Wednesday evening to attend to a man spotted swimming. When the police arrived he had made it to dry land.

According to Fréttabladid, the man turned out to be a Japanese tourist who could not explain his behavior due to drunkenness. It is unclear whether he jumped or fell into the pond.

Police also attended to two other men Wednesday evening who were so drunk they had to be taken to the police station to sober up.

Rivetting. simply rivetting.

[karma] are you hot or just a snot

Spiny Norman

People, get ye over to Croydonian and take the Karma test - how's your karma at this moment in time? As Croydonian says:

"Mildly amusing and does not take long."

And as Nobby Clark once said to Dinsdale Pirhana, in the classic tale: "Good Friends I've Topped", whilst having his head nailed to the floor:

"Oo-oo-ughhhh, bad karma, man."

Friday, May 04, 2007

[young in russia] glimpse of life

I promised Rinat I'd run this, this evening.

Here's a glimpse into the life of one of my students, composing and arranging music at 22 and even singing. In the photo above are his girlfriend, best friend, fans, protegees he's helping out and of course, himself.

Rinat has been seen around some of the best musos in Russia, including Vladimir Kuzmin - click below for an example of his work. Allow a few minutes for it to load:

He has more talent than most but he's not unique in this city and the girls around him are virtually those I deal with every day.

ASBOs are hard to find over here and the workrate, responsiveness, politeness and deference make working with young people like these a breeze.

The photos above speak for themselves.

[france] le plus grande nation du monde

I'm a sort of francophile but all the same, this sort of thing is a bit rich:

Les Français les plus influents du mond

Le Figaro bases that on Frenchmen being among a Time Magazine top 100 list of influential people in the world. They're further delighted to announce that George Bush has been excluded from the list.

Ho hum. They do seem to have this thing about being first in the world or is it just my imagination?

[british elections] summary for non-brits

From the BBC:

Labour is suffering election losses in England and Wales and has seen a swing to the SNP in Scotland - but claims to have avoided electoral "disaster". The contest in Scotland is still too close to call with half of the results in - but it has been marred by problems with the voting system.

In Wales Labour looks likely to lose control of the Welsh assembly. The Tories say their 41% share of the vote in England puts them on course for victory at the next general election. The Lib Dems appear to be losing ground overall despite some high profile wins.

Possibly Labour is right in saying it has avoided disaster. Ho hum.

[france latest] sarko has the edge

You don't need to know French to follow this:
le Figaro:

L’ÉLECTION présidentielle est-elle d’ores et déjà pliée? Avec 54,5% des intentions de vote (+2,5), Nicolas Sarkozy accroît son avance sur Ségolène Royal (45,5%) à trois jours du jour J, si l’on en croit les résultats de notre dernière enquête Sofres-Unilog Groupe LogicaCMG.

le Monde:

Les trois derniers sondages publiés depuis jeudi 3 mai placent toujours Nicolas Sarkozy en tête des intentions de vote pour le second tour de l'élection présidentielle. Le candidat de l'UMP semble même avoir creusé l'écart à l'issue du débat télévisé de mercredi.

To tell you the truth, my eyes tend to stray to the right in the above photo. Such a pity Segie wasn't politically sane and her social views were so destructive. She was a damned fine woman, other than that.

It's not over by a long shot - Sarkozy realizes that and is not crowing. Can't wait for Sunday.

[may day, may day] memories die hard

Shows how the press doesn't really understand the situation over here:

In a sign of the Kremlin’s dominance of politics and society under President Vladimir Putin, the largest gathering was apparently a march and rally in downtown Moscow led by the loyal United Russia party and the government-approved trade union organization. Organizers said some 25,000 people participated.

What the article failed to say was that the majority of Russians actually do support Putin. As for the "mass rallies", I was working on May Day and on the way into town, went through Freedom Square, where 15 people were standing forlornly in the centre, waving red flags.

Later I put it to the babushki at my house: "There used to be hundreds marching."

"Hundreds?" they sighed, "Nyet - thousands."

[nuclear tourism] come see our bunkers and swim in the pool

If any doubted the growing economic power of China or its opportunism [read "taking opportunities when they arise"], this new tourist venture takes the biscuit:

"The underground headquarters of the nuclear weapons research and production base are a curiosity to many people. They can see the 'nuclear city' for themselves," the report quoted Zuo Xumin, an official in the mainly Tibetan region where the base is situated, as saying.

"The base will be developed into a key travel site, and it will become a platform for spurring the patriotic spirit of Chinese people," he said. The headquarters originally held a research laboratory, electricity generation room, telegraph transmitting room and a command room.

Can you see the U.S. opening their secret tunnels under the Appalachians where the insurgents against the post-2010 police state [SPPNA] will be "corrected"? Or The Pres's underground command and control centre?

[iran kissogate] good one, ahmi

Never thought I'd ever praise the Iranian leader but this was a class act:

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been accused of "indecency" after he publicly embraced and kissed on the hand an elderly woman who used to be his schoolteacher.

At a ceremony ahead of Iranian teachers' day, Mr Ahmadinejad was photographed and filmed by state media stooping to kiss the woman's hand and then clasping her arms in a warm embrace.

"The Muslim Iranian people have no recollection of such acts contrary to sharia law during Islamic rule," since the 1979 revolution, seethed the ultra-conservative Hezbollah newspaper on its front page.

Now, if Ahmadinejad could do more veneration of this sort and less sabre-rattling, well who knows? Perhaps some sort of peace can come to a troubled part of the world.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

[segie-sarko] al jazeera says sarko ahead

Sorry to be obsessed by this but I'm obsessed by this:

A new opinion poll indicates that Nicholas Sarkozy, the conservative candidate for the French presidency, has widened his lead over his Socialist rival ahead of Sunday's elections.

The poll, published by the newspaper Le Figaro on Thursday, showed support for Sarkozy rose after he debated Segolene Royal, the Socialist candidate, on Wednesday.

Naturally the socialists have denounced the poll and le Figaro is not exactly pro-left.

I've tried to get as excited about the British elections but so far have failed miserably.

[blogfocus thursday] women's day

Is there anything this lady can't bake?

Afraid I'm going to stick with the women this evening, as they've been on the mind these 21 hours:

1 The dangerous* Welshcakes allows us behind the scenes in the piece-de-resistance preparation:

I've mentioned previously that lamb is difficult to obtain here, except at Easter or from the frozen food centre. Well, last week I asked one of the nearby butchers to ring me if and when any came in and, as I was passing the shop yesterday, he rushed out and cried, "Signora! Signora! C'è dell'agnello!" ["There's lamb!"] If I had been a car, I would have screeched to a halt. So in I went and got some chops, some pieces and, for the first time since I've been here, some minced lamb. [I have frozen it all in small quantities.]

* Dangerous to the tastebuds and eyes, that is.

2 jmb shares some words of wisdom from another generation:

The first, she said, was to always apologize to anyone with whom you had a falling out or a misunderstanding. Even if you feel the other person is in the wrong or that you do not believe you have done or said anything wrong, but there is tension between you, don't let it stand, but be the first to apologize. Not necessarily to say "I'm sorry I was wrong " but do at least say "I'm sorry I've upset you." Or something similar.

Well yes, this has always been my philosophy and I've practised it faithfully, as necessary. I think that all would agree that this is a positive lesson to have passed along. So I was pleased with that one.

The second thing, she said, was that every time you get an opportunity to give input or feedback you should do so.

3 Ellee Seymour takes up the torch for Mordecai Vanunu in the case against Israel:

He now faces a further prison sentence for violating the terms of his release by talking to the media. Since his release Vanunu has tirelessly campaigned for the Jewish state to be disarmed while denying Israeli officials’ charges that he has more secrets that he could divulge if allowed to emigrate.

Vanunu has become a symbol for the international peace movement and activists will continue to highlight his plight. Almost 1,000 signatures were collected during a recent bike ride from Scotland to London and presented to Downing Street, urging Tony Blair to use his influence.

4 Heather takes us back to the 60s and the fabulous Jensen Interceptor:

I saw a picture of the late 1960s Jensen Interceptor Director model - which featured an typewriter perched on a wooden board so that the executive could drive whilst his glamorous secretary “took a letter” from the passenger seat.

This gives a glimpse into public relations in that era - the 3-day photoshoot around the Cotswolds, lots of young female “assistants” in short skirts, relaxing outside local hostelries, village fuel pumps, men in suits (chief engineer Kevin Beattie sporting a cravat) with celebrities and racing drivers of the time.

5 Liz writes of the curse of the aspiring writer - the rejection:

But we're off on holiday tomorrow to Fuerteventura in the Canary Islands for a week. A bit of relaxing, lots of reading and an opportunity for this cold, which has come back with a vengeance since the weekend, to finally clear up, and I'll be returning full of life and vitality, and plans for my future writing. I think having two years or more of almost invariable rejections has knocked me back more than I would like to admit. I've gone from having confidence in my writing to expecting rejection. So along with my frothy novels, I'm going to pack some writing magazines (which have sat unread on my desk for months) and a notebook.

6 Bel mentions the U.S. plan to restrict Pakistani Brits and the like:

Once a person has acquired British citizenship, whether by birth, marriage, or any other way, that is all that matters. As far as the visa waiver scheme is concerned, the US Government is not entitled to look behind the passport and impose restrictions based on who is carrying it. That is tantamount to creating different categories of British citizens, and we should not allow that.

Under our law, every British citizen is entitled to the same rights that attend upon citizenship.

7 Morag asks what one does with one million camels and a son who was mugged:

Did you know that parts of Australia’s Outback are becoming overrun by wild camels? Yep, the country is now home to around 1 million camels roaming the vast tracts of desert. Camels in Australia?! Where on earth did they come from in the first place? Apparently camels were first introduced to Australia in the mid-1800s to transport goods across the desert.

This naturally leads to this:

We all know that on many subjects I am just to the right of Genghis Khan. And I am certainly NOT going to give the ‘let’s give them some hobbies so they won’t be bored’. More inclined to say ‘let’s give them some morals so they know right from wrong’. But we have got to do something. These 6 kids aren’t out there mugging my son because they’re bored.

8 Shani thinks she has the sectret of internal happiness [I make no comment at this time]:

I am a natural optimist – whose magnetic compass was a little distorted over the past few months by others and circumstances around me…..

So that is the secret of my happiness, and the appreciation of all that is good around me – which is more than the bad – on the whole – along with the acceptance that quite a few people are mean, bad and orrible, and I am actually so lucky that I don’t have to live in their heads – that is their problem and probably why they are so sad….

Until Saturday, people. Hope to see you then.

[misconceptions] about women and posts on them

There were some misconceptions as to what I was actually saying about women in the earlier post , possibly because I failed to spell it out, so let me summarize the points again, only this time as statements of what I do believe:

Belief 1 Women should be careful not to be haughty - it doesn't become them.

Belief 2 Young is not always more desirable.

Belief 3 A woman never ceases to be desirable with age.

Belief 4 Expensive does not mean desirable.

Belief 5 Nagging matters a lot.

Belief 6 Large age differences don't work.

Belief 7 It's preferable to be with someone than alone.

Belief 8 It's never too late.

Despite my arguments supporting N7, most people disagreed with this. My friend today put this down to age - younger people see being independent and alone as desirable. I'm not so sure it's not the older ones as well.

Biggest surprise of all was that when I ran this post past 17 girls 20 years of age today, there was almost complete support for N2 and N3 but quite a few were against N6.

N1, N4, N5 and N8 were generally supported.

When I said I was looking only at the 30 to 60 age range, there were wry smiles from those closeby and the girl standing closest to me murmured, her voice heavy with irony: "Oh really?"

You can't fool anyone these days.

I suppose what I was trying to do is narrow down the notion of a "good woman" in my mind. Ellee said:

"I certainly don't conform to your visions of womanhood, and neither do most of my girlfriends."
Actually, that's precisely what Ellee does do and she and Welshcakes were the two I had in mind when I was thinking of the woman I'd most like to be with.

[segie-sarko debate] style versus substance

Reactions to the debate from le Monde, le Figaro and Reuters last evening:

# Ce soir c'est Nicolas Sarkozy qui inspirait confiance et le débat va renforcer la dynamique autour de lui", a estimé Xavier Bertrand. Nicolas Sarkozy "a été davantage concret", a estimé M. Bertrand devant la presse, dans une boîte de nuit parisienne.

# Analysts said neither contender appeared to have landed a knockout blow just four days before their run-off election.

# "I don't think either managed to convince the other camp. Both spoke to their own electorate," said Anita Hausser, political commentator for LCI TV.

# "(Sarkozy) showed himself greatly superior ... (Royal) rather lost control of her tone and her remarks," said Defence Minister Michele Alliot-Marie.

# A le Monde poll had 53% saying Segie was the victor, 34% saying Sarko and 13% undecided.

Today came this:

François Bayrou : "Je ne voterai pas pour Sarkozy"

Whilst committed voters might not have wavered, if Segolene indeed picked up over half the swinging vote, plus the Bayrou declaration today, her strong performance in the debate might just get her over the line.

Unfortunately, like Blair's accession to power, it would be a triumph of style over substance. Her policies are decided on the run in a reactive manner, much like Blair's were. Euston is an example.

Her beauty is her selling point, as Tony's personal image and Nu-look team were.

As Ellee Seymour said:

"I heard an interview on the radio today between the Sarko/Sego camps with the Sarkos accusing Sego of flaunting her femininity in the campaign - well good luck to her."

Ellee has it right here - that is indeed her selling point, her femininity. Is it enough to become president?

I fear it may be.

[visitors] country spread revisited

Just thought I'd show the opposite side of the coin on the visitors question. The chart top left was saved late last evening.

However, after the "older women" post and my Segie-Sarko post [next], the chart has now changed - see lower right.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

[21 hour hiatus] in memory and in support

It is most unfortunate that I have upset a good friend of mine, Ellee, with a post "in praise of older women", as I am about to go into a 21 hour hiatus in support of the Virginia Tech tragedy. I imagine a lot of other people will be upset as well and to all of you, I shall answer your comments tomorrow evening after 18:00, London time. It never seems to be the best time to do something but this has been on the agenda since Monday and I must go ahead.

When I return, it will be with the Blogfocus and to answer the comments and mails to that point. I would also like to add Notsaussure to those I shall also be remembering during these 21 hours.

Thanks for your patience.

[whistleblowers] heroes or traitors

This is a re-running of the story I ran on Sunday, November 5th, 2006, dedicated to Ellee Seymour:

Most people, especially the Russians, regard Alexander Solzhenitsin as a patriot and a hero. What did he essentially do? He told on the Soviet Union. He was a whistle blower.

Many Russians regard Vladimir Rezun as a traitor. What did he essentially do? He told on the Soviet Union. He was a whistle blower.

Half the Americans regard Daniel Ellsberg as one of the most important figures in Nixonian America and the man who blew the whistle on Vietnam. The other half accept, in varying degrees, Henry Kissinger’s assessment of the man: A fanatical drug-crazed sexual pervert, the most dangerous man in America, who has to be stopped at all costs.

Mordecai Vanunu told the world about Israel’s nuclear weapons. He was a whistle blower. Hero or traitor?

Here are their stories.

[misconceptions] in praise of the older woman

On the day of the debate between Segie and Sarko, the concept of womanhood arises. As with us men, there are good and not so good. There are some real misconceptions as well.

I'd like to look at certain women and some of the misconceptions which surround them. I base this on experiences
over the years, filtered through comments of others .

Misconception 1 Haughtiness is a good stance for a woman to take. There is definitely something in the female which wishes to lord it over all and sundry - from Lady Bracknell to the woman in the photo top left.

It's as if she's saying: "Look how expensive I am. Can you afford me? Don't you desire me?"

Well, no, actually. Not in the least. Good looking woman, to be sure but that haughty disdain for those around is not exactly seductive. I refer here to a type, not to Segolene.

Misconception 2 Young is always more desirable. Why? What has a 20 year old got which a 40 year old hasn't? Brittle psyche, inward looking acquisitiveness, the rawness of a life barely begun and less sense of proportion.

What has a 40 year old got which a 20 year old hasn't? Experienced, fuller loving, self-knowledge, sense of proportion, ability to paper up the cracks, more giving approach - "you get out of it what you put into it".

Misconception 3 Women have a "buy by" date. Once the first marriageable rush is over, the woman gets a second wind in the mid-thirties and is, in my humble opinion, at her sexiest and most powerful. Those who look after themselves like a Segie, I mean.

Then, in the late 30s/early 40s a certain resignation in dealing with life sets in and produces a more rounded person - often grown children occupy much of the time, husband and sometimes career occupy the rest.

In the 50s, it was Agatha Christie who commented that there was more felicity that side of the divide than she thought possible. There's nothing to prove and a certain good-naturedness comes into it which makes it so much easier to live with her plus her skills are at their most developed.

Misconception 4 Expensive = desirable. Well, actually, the opposite is true. The more she's going to cost, the less he wants and the more the eyes stray to someone a little younger, fresher and less demanding. One day she finds herself searching, alone, for the riches she's extolled for so long.

The trick is to look fabulous with what you have at hand - that's where the skill is.

Misconception 5 Nagging doesn't matter. There is a feeling amongst women that "nagging" doesn't really exist - it's just a male misunderstanding of her desire to improve him. Those shopping lists of his faults she likes to painstakingly go over, point by point, they cut no ice with any male.

If she continues it, the relationship ends. Within limits he should and can improve but after that it's flogging a dead horse and is so unfair. It's a one-way ticket to solitude.

Misconception 6 Large age differences work. I swear they don't. Physically, I'm told I act more like someone in the late 30s/early 40s but it's rubbish. There's a definite slowing of the metabolism and it's only really noticeable when up against a 22 year old girl.

The 22 year old sharpness, the alertness, the sudden and sustainable movement, the desire for action, the raw energy, the capacity for late nights, the concerns - these don't gel with the late 40 year old for whom his experience necessarily modifies his pace and his gait. There's only so long the mentor thing can be kept up for.

Misconception 7 Alone is infinitely preferable. Even if you think so, you are making changes, irreversible changes which you're too close to the action to see for yourself, beyond vague awareness. Self-sufficiency and resilience set in, a pet becomes easier to deal with than a cantankerous man, you get into the habit of aloneness.

You're not only more self-centred, you're also a little more selfish and intolerant. Something is missing but you don't recognize it. You have a great life, everyone respects, converses and enjoys your company, there are no disputes - surely it's better?

No it's not. You've lost the power to be at one with another human being. And somewhere inside is that very real need but it's been suppressed. In the end it's well nigh irreversible.

Misconception 8 It becomes too late in the end. Not always. My mother remarried late, as did my stepfather. They had issues. They were experienced enough to deal with them. Not perfectly but the respective families could see it was infinitely preferable to solitude, though they were both hard-pressed at times.

Not only does hope spring eternal [nice word - spring] but chances improve with age.